chat allegedly my actual biological grandfather was a potent mix of Scottish or English and Cherokee, so I guess now it's my right to say MUM and PAH PAH, although I won't be saying the latter at all, because if the rumour is true (RUMOURS 2.0) then my real father is, in fact, already DEAD ๐ญ
chat I have learned something about non-autistic communication which is that perhaps when there's trauma on top of what might be autistic traits and obsessions, those non-literal communication mechanisms in the mind, heart, and soul become quite eroded, which then dulls the ability to just pick up on things.
it's well known that autistic types need things like social cues to be spelled out for them, but I don't think I've struggled with this so much as with the emotional processing of what I have been told in so many different ways.
how is it that secrets can be kept for so long? I don't know but I think autism is partly a generational curse wherein some deep family secret has been passed onto a sensitive, creative, and intelligent child who must then transform it into something else in order to sustain themselves under such brutal conditions.
the autist is actually the artist who can access such etheric, ancestral knowledge, and yet, has no desire to become another victim of it, for many stories of tragedy are contained within the overarching story of survival and triumph.
sometimes we just need to remember that we are still and will always be important figures in that story.
๐งก