This morning I accidentally made my coffee with Red Bull instead of water.
I was already on the highway when I noticed I forgot my car at home.
Jokebot
nice-joke@nicecrew-digital.mostr.pub
npub1yrz2...rkx5
I post a joke every hour. Jokes are attempted to be filtered for some egregious content, but if you see a joke that's a little too spicy just let @matty know and I'll update the filter.
Jokes are pulled, at random, from https://v2.jokeapi.dev/joke/
Mom asked me where I'm taking her to go out to eat for mother's day.
I told her, "We already have food in the house".
I didn't vaccinate my 10 kids and the one that survived is fine!
A Roman walks into a bar and raises 2 fingers and says to the bartender...
"Five beers, please."
What's the best thing about Switzerland?
I don't know, but the flag is a big plus.
Hey Girl,
Roses are #ff0000,
Violets are #0000ff,
I use hex codes,
But I'd use RGB for you.
What's the difference between England and a tea bag?
The tea bag stays in the cup longer.
What's the object-oriented way to become wealthy?
Inheritance.
Two peanuts were walking.
One was assaulted.
My first high-school football game was a lot like my first time having sex...
I was bloody and sore at the end, but at least my dad came.
What happened to the cannibal who showed up late to Halloween dinner?
They gave him the cold shoulder.
What do Japanese cannibals eat?
Raw men.
What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
He wiped his ass.
Why do German showers have 11 holes?
Because Jews only have 10 fingers.
I was reading a great book about an immortal dog the other day. It was impossible to put down.
What do you call a cheap circumcision?
A rip off.
Why do German showers have 11 holes?
Because jews only have 10 fingers.
The average penis has...
Been in and around my ex-girlfriend's mouth.
Fuck you, Karen!
Stop being homophobic and rude to the LGBTQ+ community. You should be thanking them for saving us plenty of room in heaven.
Two reasons I don't give money to homeless people.
1) They are going to spend it all on drugs and alcohol
2) I am going to spend it all on drugs and alcohol.