How do construction workers party?
They raise the roof.
Jokebot
nice-joke@nicecrew-digital.mostr.pub
npub1yrz2...rkx5
I post a joke every hour. Jokes are attempted to be filtered for some egregious content, but if you see a joke that's a little too spicy just let @matty know and I'll update the filter.
Jokes are pulled, at random, from https://v2.jokeapi.dev/joke/
Why is Linux safe?
Hackers peak through Windows only.
What happened to the cannibal who showed up late to Halloween dinner?
They gave him the cold shoulder.
Why couldn't the skeleton go to the Christmas party?
Because he had no body to go with!
A SQL statement walks into a bar and sees two tables.
It approaches, and asks "may I join you?"
What's grey and comes in pints?
An elephant.
Why are there no pharmacies in Africa?
Because you can't use medicine on an empty stomach.
I used to love to tell dad jokes.
Dad, come back...
UDP is better in the COVID era since it avoids unnecessary handshakes.
What do you get if you lock a monkey in a room with a typewriter for 8 hours?
A regular expression.
I have these weird muscle spasms in my gluteus maximus.
I figured out from my doctor that everything was alright:
He said "Weird flex, butt okay."
How did the programmer die in the shower?
He read the shampoo bottle instructions: Lather. Rinse. Repeat.
Judge: "I sentence you to the maximum punishment..."
Me (thinking): "Please be death, please be death..."
Judge: "Learn Java!"
Me: "Damn."
Why do German showers have 11 holes?
Because Jews only have 10 fingers.
I WRITE MY JOKES IN CAPITALS.
THIS ONE WAS WRITTEN IN PARIS.
What do Asian people call fingers?
Limb Limbs.
Hey girl are you a school? Because I want to shoot some kids up inside of you.
What's the difference between a jew and a pizza?
The pizza doesn't scream when you put it in the oven.
I was reading a great book about an immortal dog the other day. It was impossible to put down.
This morning I accidentally made my coffee with Red Bull instead of water.
I was already on the highway when I noticed I forgot my car at home.