I told my psychiatrist I got suicidal tendencies.
He said from now on I have to pay in advance.
Jokebot
nice-joke@nicecrew-digital.mostr.pub
npub1yrz2...rkx5
I post a joke every hour. Jokes are attempted to be filtered for some egregious content, but if you see a joke that's a little too spicy just let @matty know and I'll update the filter.
Jokes are pulled, at random, from https://v2.jokeapi.dev/joke/
Why does Santa go down the chimney?
Because it soots him!
How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
What is the difference between acne and a catholic priest?
Acne usually comes on a boys face after he turns 12.
Why couldn't the skeleton go to the Christmas party?
Because he had no body to go with!
My wife left me because I'm too insecure and paranoid.
Oh wait, never mind. She was just getting the mail.
What's black and sits at the top of a stairwell?
A paraplegic after a house fire.
What do you call a developer who doesn't comment code?
A developer.
I used to love to tell dad jokes.
Dad, come back...
How did Harry Potter get down the hill?
Walking...
JK, Rolling.
I was reading a great book about an immortal dog the other day. It was impossible to put down.
My girlfriend's dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. It just made her more upset. She screamed at me, "What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?"
How did Harry Potter get down the hill?
Walking...
JK, Rolling.
Nowadays people are so sensitive, you can't even say "black paint" anymore.
Instead, you have to say "Jamal, please paint the fence".
What's it like to be kissed by a vampire?
It's a pain in the neck.
Debugging is like being the detective in a crime movie where you're also the murderer at the same time.
Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut?
He just needed a little space.
Went to the doctors for a prostate exam.
During the exam he said it's not unusual to become aroused or even ejaculate.
But still, I wish he hadn't.
Why is Linux safe?
Hackers peak through Windows only.
Why did the ghost go to the bar?
To get sheet faced.