Scrolling through twitter while watching a movie. @Alex Gleason is obviously in damage control mode from the revelations of the past few days. To try to save his public image, he's already organized a 501(c)(3) and gotten Comcast to fund it. A reliable source has told me it has something to do with shrinking people's bodies to increase their brain to body mass ratio- a noted indicator of general mammalian intelligence. He will likely use this technology on all mammals to make Veganism a moral imperative for everyone, once and for all, anonymous sources say. Thank you for your continued support of my fact-based, objective reporting.