Today I bought groceries for week. Roughly 11 pounds of beef steaks, at an average price of a little less than $5/lb. That's it. Done. That's a little over 1.5 lbs of steak per day. A wildly inaccurate calorie estimate would put that at about 1400 calories per day, but I know it is more than that because I eat all the fat drippings and sometimes add tallow or butter, which I already have plenty of. If I run out of steaks, I have some more in the freezer. Don't tell me how expensive this plan is. How many Americans eat for $55/week?

Does this mean I will have relay issues when moving between nostr clients (will changes made in your client affect or reset what I may have currently for all clients that I use that also have relay control) - because that would be a dealbreaker. Also, if I make a change to a relay list in another client, will that change alter or reset what I had set up in your client?

Might learn enough C# to do what I currently do with powershell and ms sql, just maybe a little better and more portable.

What does it mean, to ask? Specifically, to ask something of someone else?

Dealing with humans that have all your answers can be exhausting. GN.

A gift, given freely, is its own reward.

My life peaked in some ways when I was 7 years old. That was the last time I can say that I wasn't on the struggle bus. Today I am content with struggle. I am where I am, and this ride has taught me repeatedly that I grow with each struggle overcome. This too shall pass - but it also shall strengthen and fuel me for next struggle.

I don't waste the time or energy on keeping up with orange man drama, things happening overseas, or even things happening outside my home. Some might think this is ignorant of me, but ignorance is bliss, and I could sure use a little bliss right now. GN and eat a damn ribeye. Just fucking do it.

Saw my drug dealer today; he agreed to put the order in for my CAC score. Was able to resist all his attempts to medicate me while I am healing.

Any time something is advertised as "safe and effective", I assume it is neither.

If I had my choice, I would probably stop using a phone altogether. Just use a service like google voice (preferably NOT google anything), so there is a number I can give when services demand it. Exist purely on email, and only check it when I feel like it. Unfortunately, wife would leave me over this. I value her and her (misplaced) needs for security/stability. Also, no 2fa that "requires" a phone or similar device.

Unpopular take: all "bullying" isn't bad. It helps to establish and reinforce a social order. It teaches children that there will always be someone bigger and badder than you that wants what you have more than you do. Overcoming bullying builds self esteem. This is the real world analog of facing a video game "boss", maybe losing a few times, and eventually learning how to beat them. It helps to put a stop to a sense of entitlement, that the world owes you something. Instead, you learn that you only have what you're willing to fight for, and you'll choose better opsec to prevent fighting, because fighting sucks. I hope my kids (and most kids) get punched in the face at least once, even if it is only emotionally. Obviously there should be some guardrails around this, and that is where parenting steps in. But a punch to the face from your peers will be far more effective than any punishment a parent can give.

Considering Aikido. Mostly because my neighbors, whom I like, have been teaching it for over 25 years. I think I would personally prefer Tai Chi, but I'm not sure I'm physically ready for it yet.

Also considering adding peanut butter intentionally back into my diet. Why the fuck would I do that? Aren't I supposed to be #carnivore? Well, piss off. I've varied how strictly I've adhered to the cult of carnivore from the beginning. Sure, I go days and weeks without eating any plants, but I still occasionally eat things that are not non-plan. I actually started carnivore as just low-carb, and would snack on peanuts. I found that was a bad idea, as I could easily "snack" a whole jar of peanuts in a day. So I dropped them. But I would occasionally get a late night craving for something, and a couple spoons of peanut butter was a better option than many others I tried. Here's what I know. I'm definitely not allergic to peanuts. PB has been a satisfying late night option. I can get it with no added ingredients, just peanuts, pretty easily. Peanuts have protein and fat. They have a low glycemic index. A couple spoonfuls of PB isn't that much in carbs. Peanuts are not animals, and our ancestors probably didn't eat them. Carnivorous animals do not eat them. Whole peanuts do not completely digest in our stomach/intestines. I don't have kin issues or oxalate issues I'm concerned about triggering. Smooth PB generally has palm oil added, and I'm not cool with that. Peanuts can inhibit iron and zinc absorption, but I don't plan to eat them when eating other things, just late at night. So I'll probably do it. Then I may stop. Or I won't. PB may actually help when I'm getting stricter in other areas (likely stopping pork, cured meats, dairy (except butter), spiced/sauced/breaded meats when offered to me, quitting nicotine, etc). But if anyone has any concerns about peanuts or peanut butter they feel I should be aware of, I'm listening.

Got some more tests back. The good news is my fasting insulin is 5, which is pretty much optimal. To me, this means I'm winning the war. My CoQ10 level was 1.5, which is high normal. Another good sign that damage done by taking the statins for a few years may not be that bad. No need to take more CoQ10 supplements, which I had tried briefly to see if they would help my blood pressure. Triglycerides were lower, back solidly in the reference range, but here's where it starts going south. Total cholesterol dropped a little, still high. HDL dropped, back down to low 30s. TG to HDL ratio is still over 4. But LDL particle size analysis (first time ever tested) was all in the red. The big reveal? LDL pattern B confirmed. That actually explains the higher TG, low HDL, high LDL issues I've had pretty much my whole life. What does this mean? The healing is far from over. I really want my CAC score, to see how much damage has been done. Statins are DEFINITELY not the answer. But the real action item is I need to drop more weight. At 265 (already over 50 lbs less than my top weight recorded), BMI is still about 36. I want it to be 26. That means getting down to 190ish. So, time to take everything a lot more seriously and be more strict with diet. I'd been trying to take it easy, because I wanted to give my skin time to shrink a bit on its own, and to not alarm or upset my wife. She says she prefers me with some bulk (probably so she feels better about her own weight issues, as well as trust issues). I broke the news to her that I needed to drop to 190 to fix my cholesterol (which she was far more concerned about than I was) and get my heart health on track. She wasn't thrilled, but she didn't threaten divorce either. I know (absolute conviction) that I can do it. The only question is how fast, and how many people I will piss off in the process. (Mostly the wife). But that's where I'm at. I see my idiot wanna-be doctor (not an MD) who will continue to push pills at me on Wednesday. He won't even understand the results of the tests I had him order for me. Hopefully I can get him to order the CAC score, armed with the basics of pattern B LDL. Otherwise, I'll have to find someone that will order the test. Then, drop another 75 lbs. I want to do that over the next year. Then, re-test everything and see where I'm at. I also have to quit smoking again. Planned to anyway, but it has to happen. I've done it before, I can do it again. This isn't even a setback, just part of my healing path. Definitely a re-focusing, though. My "why" might be narrowing a bit, at least for a while. Also considering being interviewed on a podcast. Not sure I want that, but considering it. #carnivore #health

What would Viktor Frankl think of today's surveillance state and global autocracy?

Vegans are regarded. I don't hate them, just like I don't hate Downs syndrome people, but I look at their pathetic attempts to be righteous in much the same way. Pity. At least a vegan can just change their mind and ways and become a healthy human again, in relatively short order. Many others with what are commonly held to be lifelong diseases and syndromes can too. Pity about Downs though, that can be a tough one.