GN. I didn't poison myself with sugar today. I drank more cold brew coffee than I should, and ate more cheese than I should. I bought some iodized sea salt from WalMart. I looked at the label more closely today, one if its ingredients is dextrose. What the actual fuck? Why are they adding sugar to salt? Fuck this world, seriously. Outraged. I should just rage quit everything NOW! Into the bin with that nonsense. But also, why does my mother-in-law (who lives under my roof) just leave most of a crumb cake with some magic cookies in the space where there wasn't crumb cake sitting out in the kitchen where I have to see it and walk by it every time I want to get a drink? Maybe I'll go buy some meth and just cut out a nice line and put it on the bathroom counter, in case anyone wants to dig up histories of poisoning one's self. For fuck's sake. I threw that crumb cake in the bin too, after the rest of the people in this house had eaten everything in the middle of the pan except for the crumbs and the edges. They got their poison for the day. I can't stop 'em, and I won't join 'em. Shit is still rough, maybe less rough than yesterday, maybe the same and I'm one more day used to it. Apparently the wisdom of the day is patience, so I will let it blow by. Whatever happens probably would happen anyway. I might get a peek at a big harvest moon shortly; not entirely sure if was full tonight or last night, but either way, should be pretty big if the clouds cooperate. Cheers nostr. 🌕🎉

The only way I am getting through my sugar addiction is to continuously remind myself not to poison myself. It's fucking harder because I don't have a bunch of immediate shitty effects when I eat something sweet. No hives, no debilitating brain fog or mental lethargy, no physical effects at all that are immediately observable. Nicotine addiction was way easier, because it was physically and mentally obvious when I was in withdrawal from nicotine, regardless of how much I may have denied it. I expect caffeine to be even harder to completely kick in some ways, although I have brought my overall consumption way down without much struggle - because I really don't experience any effects, other than desiring it at times, and possibly (unconfirmed) having some issues getting to sleep and/or staying asleep, but these are very unconfirmed, and caffeine is only one of many factors that *could* be in play. What can I say, life is complex! But I haven't poisoned myself (with sugar) yet today. So far I've only permitted myself hot coffee, cold brew coffee, and butter. Steak will be happening soon. #sugaraddict #carnivore

Today was one of those days where it felt like I was kicking ass on just about everything, but somehow it still wasn't good enough. It would be nice to say that every expectation I failed to meet was someone else's, but pretty sure some of them were also my own. I suppose tomorrow will be a new day, but days like today make it hard to believe a new day will go any better. I wish I had a better plan than just keep on kicking ass. But that's it for now. GN. #ffs

I have discovered that at any given moment, the phrase going through my head is likely... "for fuck's sake..." #ffs

Most people in our lives give zero fucks about our happiness and wellness. It is up to us to do the things that bring us happiness and wellness, as nobody else is going to do it for us. And this will piss some of these people off. Some will be jealous that you are happy and well. This becomes a great litmus test for who you want to have in your life and invest in with your energy. It isn't worth your remaining fucks to invest in people who won't give fucks in return.

I made it through my Sunday shopping without poisoning myself. Surprisingly, this has been hard to do for quite a while now. I could blame it on being nicotine free for a month, but that is probably a bullshit excuse. The truth is, I am an addict. My substances of choice have been, in order of magnitude: 1. Sugar 2. Nicotine 3. Caffeine I haven't been successful yet at getting free of all three at the same time. I've been able to manage 2/3, in all possible combinations. Still a work in progress.

Another 4 weeks of raw natural dog food made. His skin issues have almost completely healed. GN.

Still sorting out how I want to engage in social media (meaning nostr, I am not active anywhere else). I now have 3 npubs for different engagement: this one, that is essentially a nym, although a somewhat leaky one. My opsec around this nym is far from perfect. I still feel pretty safe posting whatever I want here, without any expectation of meatspace reprisals. Another one, that has really been more for viewing specific content around a personal interest. I've posted from it a few times, but I have no intention of sharing anything remotely personal with it. And a new one, that will be as real and public as a Facebook profile. My real name. I'll probably be paying the most attention to this npub, using it to see how comfortable I am with respect to posting. For example, I don't expect I will even acknowledge bitcoin. Because I don't need anyone (online) knowing whether or not I might have some, or have had some. No need to invite that wrench attack. No zaps. No nodes. Just a normie npub, spouting normie shit about normie interests, mostly. Nothing that would trigger any kind of second glance, even if all past notes are searched and indexed (which I assume they are or will be). Boring, you say? Try it. It isn't easy, trying to establish a social graph of sorts while not disclosing a whole lot. Is is "being myself"? Of course it is, but only when you consider the composite of these npubs (and any others I might have, or end up creating later on).

Struggling to define policies most in line with my goals. GN.