Being alone and being lonely are two different things.
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I don’t have a dad bod—I have a father figure.
Time flies like an arrow—fruit flies like a banana.
I’m writing a book—I’ve got the page numbers done.
The people who trigger you are your greatest teachers.
Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories. -Steven Wright.
I don’t have a big ego—I’m just awesome.
- I never said most of the things I said. -Yogi Berra
- No one goes there anymore; it's too crowded. -Yogi Berra
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I intend to live forever. So far, so good. -Steven Wright.
I don’t need a hairstylist—my pillow gives me a new style every morning.
I’m not a perfectionist—I’m a good-enough-ist.
I’m not lost—I’m exploring alternative destinations.
Growth hurts because you're breaking the shell that's limiting you.
I don’t need a hairstylist—my pillow gives me a new style every morning.
I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too. -Mitch Hedberg
I’m not dramatic—I’m theatrically expressive.
You're allowed to outgrow people who don't grow with you.
I don’t need a hairstylist—my pillow gives me a new style every morning.