As a kid you ignore the cards when opening presents. As an adult you go for the cards first.

What is the most expensive video-streaming service at this time? A: College

Being able to tolerate the sound of your own voice in a video is probably the highest form of self acceptance.

When you're a kid, you don't realize you're also watching your mom and dad grow up.

We laugh at dogs getting excited when they hear a bark on TV, but if TV was a nonstop stream of unintelligible noises and then someone suddenly spoke to you in your language, you'd be pretty fucking startled too.