I first purchased Depressive Illness - The Curse of the Strong by Dr Tim Cantopher (ISBN: 9781847092359) on the 9th September 2014, by which point my life had already become unmanageable.
At only 115 small pages, it still took me a few days to read, page by page, chapter by chapter, because, if you've ever suffered from depression, you'll understand that doing anything, once your brain goes pop, is, well, challenging, to say the least.
I found this book invaluable in coming to terms with, and beginning to accept that, I was suffering from burnout, caused by #stress, #anxiety and #depression. If you're currently feeling #overwhelmed or #overburdened then I highly recommend it to you, or if you know someone who might be #depressed then buy it, read it, learn from it, and then pass it on to the person in need, so that you can support them, whilst they unburden themself.
10 years on and I find that I'm still "cursed" by Depressive Illness, but my life is no longer unmanageable...
Depression is a crafty and patient illness, one that stalks you, waiting to take advantage of your most admirable qualities at times that you might least expect. It turns strength into weakness and courage into despair. It is progressive, meaning that it encroaches into your sanity bit by bit, slowly wearing you down, physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually, until that sudden realisation hits you that something might be wrong, by which point it could be too late and your brain may have already gone POP!
If I was to summarise my understanding and experience of depression I would say that it manifests when I stop having a conscious conversation with myself, and my brain/mind simply becomes the dictator. Life becomes about extremes, and things that were previously good for me, like diet and exercise, become obsessive and compulsive. This is partly why I believe stress, anxiety and depression are closely linked to #addition, because healthy choices can, sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly, degenerate into unhealthy coping mechanisms.
For me, the internal conversation moves from - this is beneficial, lets do our best because our best is all that we can do and we enjoy doing it, to - YOU MUST DO THIS!!! The gentleness and compassion required to be loving and kind to myself vanishes, and is replaced with a taskmaster that cares not for my #wellbeing, only for the outcomes and the perception of achievement.
For example, a daily routine that includes some exercise is generally considered a good thing, but the practice itself should be joyful. When lifting weights, running, or simply going for a walk becomes a chore or worse, when injury occurs, rather than applying #awareness and #compassion, it is all too easy for me to begin to berate myself, as less than, or having failed. Rather than giving myself a break, and dialling it down for a bit, I find I have a tendency to double down and try even harder, which eventually leads to ruin because at some point, something has to give. In essence, I become my own worst enemy.
Why I am sharing this with you?
Because #reality is hard enough to understand at the best of times, and life on planet Earth appears to be getting weirder and weirder, faster and faster... and if you too are sensing this, then simply knowing that you are not alone can be of some comfort.
I don't have any answers to the existential questions that humanity faces, but I do know that it is very easy for me to lose myself in a world that has become obsessed with more, more, MORE! and whilst many of us continue the endless chase of want and desire, everything around me seems to be making less and less sense.
Who knows if these worldly "distractions" are intentional, or simply the emergent properties of a universe that maintains order through chaos... Ultimately, however, if I can't find it within myself to be kind to myself, than what's the point? because that's the very definition of depression.
...and because reality appears to be getting weirder and weirder, I too wonder if I am alone in my perception and interpretation of reality, and this kind of thinking leads me to worrying about others. Herein lies "The Curse of the Strong", because I am only responsible for me. No matter how strong I am, I alone cannot hold the weight of the world on my shoulders, so when the motive becomes corrupted, and I start living my life for others, it is only a matter of time before the dictatorial taskmaster takes over, and my wellbeing becomes secondary. Strange how this internal reality of mine appears to be manifesting as my external reality also...
as above, so below, as within, so without
There are some amongst us that are extra-ordinary, and I'll use Satoshi Nakamoto as an (anonymous) example. These people achieve greatness, and I'm not about to suggest that we don't all aspire to be greater than our own limiting belief systems, but what if the desire for greatness, recognition and achievement is not the reason that we are all here?
What if humanity would simply be better off, and therefore the world would be a better place for all life on earth, if humans just slowed the **** down and we all took the time to get to know ourselves properly, and therefore learn and cultivate self awareness and self compassion, not just as a badge of honour to virtue signal as yet another expression of the ego, but as the true nature of Being...
What if the one thing that can change everything is as simple as Being The Change... and simply overcoming our own limiting belief systems? I wonder if this is what #BTC represents for those of us willing to stake a piece of the present moment into an as yet unknown future using an immutable record of the past that is an unspent transaction output (#utxo) within the #bitcoin #blockchain?
The ultimate technological expression of "I waz 'ere..." and a collective representation of those who perhaps understand that sometimes "less is more"...
#BeTheChange (BTC)
