That feeling when the first paycheck hits and you realize how many more sats you're going to stack on the regular.

"For a star to be born, there is one thing that must happen: a gaseous nebula must collapse. So collapse. Crumble. This is not your destruction. This is your birth."

There are years where life feels so slow and weeks where life move so fast. Stop and smell the roses, appreciate what you have.

At what point do we stop calling it "price" and start calling it "exchange rate"? We could wait for the medium of exchange / unit of account stages... Or we could meme it into existence like we've done before. After all, it's one of our best weapons.

Nothing gets better until we are willing to face ourselves and the truth behind our feelings and actions.

I can already hear the moonboi's lurking in the distance 😂

To this very day it blows my mind The amount of things you can learn just from searching on YouTube. For free. What a time to be alive.

Four job interviews in a week. Such a roller coaster. Amazed at how different the experiences are from one company to the other. Today's went pretty well though. Fingers crossed.

I'm reaching a point where I just want to run away from my life and sart a new one. Leave everything I own and everyone I know behind. The worst part is I don't know what it would fix, because I can't get away from myself. I would give anything to start this year over. Literally anything. Even knowing how painful it would start. I would suffer it all again If it meant I had a chance to not let it destroy me and the people I love... I wonder how possible it is in this day and age... Just getting in the car to go somewhere and start over. Feels like it's impossible now. Maybe I'm wrong. I wish I knew how.

Watched the new Netflix documentary on Arnold Schwarzenegger. Top-notch. It's only three episodes each centering around the major aspects of his life. Bodybuilding. Acting. Politics. Regardless of what you think about the politics, it's worth watching. I was bracing for the cringe the whole time and it never came. Truly an incredible human and an incredible life.

"If I sold myself a lie, would you be my guiding light? You say that I should find my own way back to life. Maybe you're right." Love this band. The lyrics never miss, even when they sting like hell.

Taking a break from reading about a dreary dystopian future online to.... Read about it in a book! Jokes aside, with all the Canada smoke and outside looking like a scene from the series (or blade runner) it's a good night to stay in and feed the imagination. I really loved the show and I'm betting the source material will impress as well.

No time or strength for deep rants today, so here's something I had saved in my phone from the very beginning of this year. Life takes you through peaks and valleys (moon phases in the case of this picture). If you're on cloud 9 it's good to remember that the party tends to end eventually. Try and stay humble because the fall can be quite far. If you're at a low point it's also good to remember that if you rest you'll eventually have the strength to climb back up and out of that hole. Hopefully if you ever reach that peak again you'll remember the lessons you've learned from the fall and won't take it for granted, even if it's a different mountain entirely.

I'm glad I gave Altered Carbon another try. The show is incredibly thought-provoking and explores a lot of creative ideas that I don't think I've seen elsewhere, Plus others that I have seen elsewhere but it goes deeper or in different directions. I understand it deviates from the book, which I hear is even better because... Of course it is. The book usually is. That being said I still like season 2 perhaps even more than season 1. Maybe the show just hits differently because I'm at a different place in my life than when I first watched it but I'm curious if anyone else finds it as impressive.

I feel like I can't find ANYTHING on nostr Short of having someone's public key. The search function seems pretty unreliable on amethyst at least on my phone. What do you guys do to get around this? On a completely related note, looking for recommendations for AI chatbots that are here on nostr. Just dipping my toe in the water right now so I want something that's quick and easy to get using. I've been talking with cyborg all day and even asked it for recommendations, but there seems to be a limitation on providing links to profiles and fetching public keys. Any help would be appreciated.

Something different today. A story I found on social media a little while ago and copied with the hopes of sharing it with someone but I never did. Sad and beautiful. A bit lengthy but worth the read... Maybe I'm sharing it now because in my own way I'm trying not to suffer a similar fate. "No piece of art has ever emotionally affected me the way this robot arm piece has. It's programmed to try to contain the hydraulic fluid that’s constantly leaking out and required to keep itself running...if too much escapes, it will die so it's desperately trying to pull it back to continue to fight for another day. Saddest part is they gave the robot the ability to do these 'happy dances' to spectators. When the project was first launched it danced around spending most of its time interacting with the crowd since it could quickly pull back the small spillage. Many years later... (as you see it now in the video) it looks tired and hopeless as there isn't enough time to dance anymore.. It now only has enough time to try to keep itself alive as the amount of leaked hydraulic fluid became unmanageable as the spill grew over time. Living its last days in a never-ending cycle between sustaining life and simultaneously bleeding out... (Figuratively and literally as its hydraulic fluid was purposefully made to look like it's actual blood). "The robot arm finally ran out of hydraulic fluid in 2019, slowly came to a halt and died - And I am now tearing up over a friggin robot arm 😭 It was programmed to live out this fate and no matter what it did or how hard it tried, there was no escaping it. Spectators watched as it slowly bled out until the day that it ceased to move forever. Saying that 'this resonates' doesn't even do it justice imo. Created by Sun Yuan & Peng Yu, they named the piece, 'Can't Help Myself'. What a masterpiece. What a message." Extended interpretations: the hydraulic fluid in relation to how we kill ourselves both mentally and physically for money just in an attempt to sustain life, how the system is set up for us to fail on purpose to essentially enslave us and to steal the best years of our lives to play the game that the richest people of the world have designed. How this robs us of our happiness, passion and our inner peace. How we are slowly drowning with more responsibilities, with more expected of us, less rewarding pay-offs and less free time to enjoy ourselves with as the years go by. How there's really no escaping the system and that we were destined at birth to follow a pretty specific path that was already laid out before us. How we can give and give and give and how easily we can be forgotten after we've gone.. How we are loved and respected when we are valuable, then one day we aren't any longer and we become a burden...and how our young, free-caring spirit gets stolen from us as we get churned out of the broken system that we are trapped inside of. Can also be seen to represent the human life cycle and the fact that none of us make it out of this world alive. But also can act as a reminder to allow yourself to heal, rest and love with all of your heart. That the endless chase for 'more' isn't necessary in finding your own inner happiness.” - James Kricked Parr

Such a great night. I've grown so used to friends not coming through for me that it's always shocking when one does. It's never usually who I suspect either. There's no reset button for real life, but change is still inevitable, be it large or small. Even though the solstice isn't for a few weeks, it definitely feels like a new season is upon us. Let's hope it's a good change. It's the first day of June and the weather is beautiful. I brought back a few nice cigars from Miami, perfect day for it.

Went on a long walk yesterday with an old friend for some overdue and much needed advice / catching up. We traded stories about the scars we've accumulated on our hearts and souls. It felt like a weight came off me. Might even be a turning point. Whether by chance or fate(if you believe in that), he told me that our other friends band is playing in town tonight. They only come through a few times a year but every time I go see them, something good happens to me that affects my life. Last time was October 3rd. Perhaps they are a good luck charm of sorts. They even use a clover as their logo. I was asking for a new chapter or a bookend yesterday when I screamed into the void, and it almost feels like my prayer might be answered. I know it's mostly symbolic, but those are the types of things that wind up being really powerful if you let them. So here's to hoping for better days ahead and turning the page. Onward.

Here's a heavy dose of irony. I return to nostr after taking a social media break for the weekend only to realize that my last post.. is nowhere to be found... I swear I hit publish, I've refreshed the page and tried other clients thinking maybe the relays haven't caught up... But nothing. The missing post was about how I'm taking a social media break because it feels like I'm screaming into the void here sometimes.... Only to find that post has in fact been lost into that very void. Feels like life is trying to tell me something... I don't know anyone from my "real life" that's on here, at least not anymore. No thanks to me. It's strange, I would never post these kinds of thoughts on the wider known platforms where people I know could see them. Maybe the combo of this site still being niche and pseudo anonymity really is nostr's value for me right now. It's freeing in a way, to know that the pressures of your life are so powerful and meaningful to you but are pretty insignificant to others and in the grand scheme of the universe. We are just specs of sand. It's beautiful in a way that's happy and sad all at once. There's more to it than that for sure. I'm clinging to old habits, trying to navigate an existential crisis. Not knowing if the advice I'm getting in "real life" is right for me. How could I know? I've had my life flipped upside down so many times in the past year that I don't recognize it anymore. Maybe that's the lesson, that it doesn't really matter. Clinging to the past won't bring it back, and It's never too late to change your story. "Even if you crash and burn you can always rebuild"... is a mantra I've been citing for some time now, given to me by someone who changed my life and I probably should have listened to but didn't. Whether that means fixing my mistakes, or starting from scratch... A new chapter or a bookend... I guess time will tell. The only thing I know for sure is that I can't stay where I am. Something has to give.

Usually I only share one song at a time but this is one of those albums that just makes it too hard to choose. Discovered it over the winter during a difficult time in my life and I keep coming back to it. It never ceases to amaze me the memories music can trigger. I've got a lot of albums from that period of my life but this is one that stands out amongst the rest. Feel free to drop a link If you've got your own version that gets you through some dark times. I could use it right now. https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLMx9IHnJeRpx8Nha-ft0QBbUm_fQBKGrM