The Babylon Bee yesterday

Vote Goes Uncounted After Woman Fails To Post Selfie With 'I Voted' Sticker

The Babylon Bee

Vote Goes Uncounted After Woman Fails To Post Selfie With 'I Voted' Sticker

COLUMBUS, OH — Local woman Sarah Mitchell's vote sadly went uncounted Tuesday after election officials discovered she had failed to post a s...

The Babylon Bee yesterday

Nation Wondering If Maybe We Could Just Forget About Election And All Split The Money Each Side Spent On Campaign Ads

The Babylon Bee

Nation Wondering If Maybe We Could Just Forget About Election And All Split The Money Each Side Spent On Campaign Ads

U.S. — After political parties spent $900 million on ads about the affordability crisis, Americans began wondering if everyone could just forget ...

The Babylon Bee 2 days ago

Decades Of Recycling Progress Undone By Single Midterm Election

The Babylon Bee

Decades Of Recycling Progress Undone By Single Midterm Election

U.S. — According to sources, decades of progress made by various recycling programs across the country have been undone in the span of a month by...

The Babylon Bee 2 days ago

Bored Of Having A Good State, Texas Considers Voting Democrat

The Babylon Bee

Bored Of Having A Good State, Texas Considers Voting Democrat

AUSTIN, TX — Bored of having a good state that people love, Texans have reportedly flocked to the polls in record numbers to try voting Democrat ...

The Babylon Bee 3 days ago

Scarecrow In Suit And Tie With 'D' Next To Name On Ballot Wins Governor's Race In California

The Babylon Bee

Scarecrow In Suit And Tie With 'D' Next To Name On Ballot Wins Governor's Race In California

SACRAMENTO, CA — After securing the letter "D" next to his name on the ballot, a Halloween decoration propped up against a front porch ha...

The Babylon Bee 4 days ago

Fantasy Football Manager Spends Hours Carefully Deciding Who Will Score 45 Points On His Bench This Week

The Babylon Bee

Fantasy Football Manager Spends Hours Carefully Deciding Who Will Score 45 Points On His Bench This Week

TEMPE, AZ — Local man David Hampton spent several hours today carefully deciding which fantasy football player to have score 45 points while sitt...

The Babylon Bee 4 days ago

Gavin Newsom Says Democrats Would Never Intentionally Subvert Election Process And Also He's Legally Changed His Name To Donald J. Trump

The Babylon Bee

Gavin Newsom Says Democrats Would Never Intentionally Subvert Election Process And Also He's Legally Changed His Name To Donald J. Trump

SACRAMENTO, CA — California Governor Gavin Newsom came out in support of Alaska senate candidate Mary Peltola, saying Democrats would never inten...

The Babylon Bee 5 days ago

It's Go Time: Our Daily Desk Calendar Is Now Available

The Babylon Bee

It's Go Time: Our Daily Desk Calendar Is Now Available

Have you ever been at your desk and suddenly wondered what day it was?

The Babylon Bee 5 days ago

Alaska Democrats Caught Busing In Thousands Of Dan Sullivans

The Babylon Bee

Alaska Democrats Caught Busing In Thousands Of Dan Sullivans

ANCHORAGE, AK — In what some pundits are calling a cheap and dirty political trick, Alaska Democrats have been caught busing in thousands of Dan ...

The Babylon Bee 5 days ago

WNBA Reduces Finals Ticket Price To Whatever You Have In Your Pocket

The Babylon Bee

WNBA Reduces Finals Ticket Price To Whatever You Have In Your Pocket

NEW YORK — The WNBA announced today that tickets for this year's Finals will be priced at whatever loose change customers currently have in ...

The Babylon Bee 5 days ago

Smoke Rises From Vatican Indicating Who Pope Voted For

The Babylon Bee

Smoke Rises From Vatican Indicating Who Pope Voted For

VATICAN CITY — Blue smoke rose from the roof of the Sistine Chapel on Friday, signaling that Pope Leo XIV had voted for a third term for Illinois...

The Babylon Bee 5 days ago

Wife Relieved To Learn Husband Lost Entire Paycheck On ‘Prediction Market' Instead Of Sports Betting

The Babylon Bee

Wife Relieved To Learn Husband Lost Entire Paycheck On ‘Prediction Market' Instead Of Sports Betting

SANDY, UT — Local woman Sheila Northam was reportedly relieved to discover that her husband lost his entire paycheck on the prediction market rat...

The Babylon Bee 5 days ago

Jesus Tells Parable Of Foolish Servant Who Put His Talents In Crypto

The Babylon Bee

Jesus Tells Parable Of Foolish Servant Who Put His Talents In Crypto

JERUSALEM — The Lord Jesus spoke a powerful new parable warning the people not to be like the foolish servant who went and put his master's ...

The Babylon Bee 5 days ago

Amy Acton Stars In Powerful PSA Showing Dangers Of Alcohol

The Babylon Bee

Amy Acton Stars In Powerful PSA Showing Dangers Of Alcohol

TOLEDO, OH — Ohio Democratic gubernatorial candidate Amy Acton has released a powerful public service announcement to show the dangers of binge d...

The Babylon Bee 6 days ago

Beloved Headmaster For School Of Gifted Youngsters Dead At 86

The Babylon Bee

Beloved Headmaster For School Of Gifted Youngsters Dead At 86

WESTCHESTER, NY — Charles Xavier, the beloved headmaster of Xavier's School For Gifted Youngsters, died this afternoon. He was 86 years old.

The Babylon Bee 6 days ago

Voter Turnout In Minnesota Expected To Be Over 130%

The Babylon Bee

Voter Turnout In Minnesota Expected To Be Over 130%

ST. PAUL, MN — Voter turnout for the Minnesota midterms is expected to exceed 130%, sources said.

The Babylon Bee 6 days ago

Mamdani Charges Man With Hate Crime For Cleaning Graffiti Off 9/11 Memorial

The Babylon Bee

Mamdani Charges Man With Hate Crime For Cleaning Graffiti Off 9/11 Memorial

NEW YORK, NY — At the direction of Mayor Zoran Mamdani, authorities detained a janitor who removed red graffiti from New York's 9/11 Memoria...

The Babylon Bee 6 days ago

IT'S GO TIME: Mormons Prepare For One Evening Of Year When Everyone Will Answer Their Door

The Babylon Bee

IT'S GO TIME: Mormons Prepare For One Evening Of Year When Everyone Will Answer Their Door

SALT LAKE CITY, UT — The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is in the midst of preparations for what it says is the busiest time of the ...

The Babylon Bee 6 days ago

DHS Agents Seize Ilhan Omar's Phone But Decide To Let Her Keep Pager

The Babylon Bee

DHS Agents Seize Ilhan Omar's Phone But Decide To Let Her Keep Pager

U.S. — Sources confirmed on Thursday that, following a raid on Rep. Ilhan Omar's home on October 12, DHS officials seized her mobile phone, ...

The Babylon Bee 6 days ago

Drunken Partiers On Streets Of Milwaukee Surprised To Learn Brewers Won World Series

The Babylon Bee

Drunken Partiers On Streets Of Milwaukee Surprised To Learn Brewers Won World Series

MILWAUKEE, WI — Drunken partiers stumbling down the streets of downtown Milwaukee were reportedly surprised to learn the Brewers had won the Worl...