The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Disney Writers Threaten If Their Demands Are Not Met They Will Write Another Obi-Wan Series

The Babylon Bee

Disney Writers Threaten If Their Demands Are Not Met They Will Write Another Obi-Wan Series

KANSAS CITY, MO — The Hollywood strike has entered a new level of viciousness, with Disney writers now threatening to write another Obi-Wan serie...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Epstein Client List To Be Posted On Threads Where No One Will Ever See It

The Babylon Bee

Epstein Client List To Be Posted On Threads Where No One Will Ever See It

U.S. — The infamous Epstein client list will reportedly be posted on the Threads app today, where no human being will ever see its contents.

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Too Far: Texas Dispatches Thwomps To Guard Border

The Babylon Bee

Too Far: Texas Dispatches Thwomps To Guard Border

EL PASO, TX — In a massive escalation, Texas Governor Greg Abbott has set up incredibly angry Thwomp Traps at the U.S.-Mexico border to deter ill...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Disney Writers Threaten If Their Demands Are Not Met They Will Write Another Obi-Wan Series

The Babylon Bee

Disney Writers Threaten If Their Demands Are Not Met They Will Write Another Obi-Wan Series

KANSAS CITY, MO — The Hollywood strike has entered a new level of viciousness, with Disney writers now threatening to write another Obi-Wan serie...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Oakland Mayor Asks Residents To Blow Air Horn Once To Announce Stabbing, Twice For Shooting

The Babylon Bee

Oakland Mayor Asks Residents To Blow Air Horn Once To Announce Stabbing, Twice For Shooting

OAKLAND, CA — To help emergency responders deal with a recent surge in crime, Mayor Shen Thao has asked Oakland residents to use air horns to hel...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Biden Vows To Sacrifice As Many Ukrainian Lives As It Takes To Defeat Russia

The Babylon Bee

Biden Vows To Sacrifice As Many Ukrainian Lives As It Takes To Defeat Russia

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a bold statement of strength and resolve, President Joe Biden vowed to keep up the war effort against Russia as long as any...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Oakland Mayor Asks Residents To Blow Air Horn Once To Announce Stabbing, Twice For Shooting

The Babylon Bee

Oakland Mayor Asks Residents To Blow Air Horn Once To Announce Stabbing, Twice For Shooting

OAKLAND, CA — To help emergency responders deal with a recent surge in crime, Mayor Shen Thao has asked Oakland residents to use air horns to hel...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Biden Vows To Sacrifice As Many Ukrainian Lives As It Takes To Defeat Russia

The Babylon Bee

Biden Vows To Sacrifice As Many Ukrainian Lives As It Takes To Defeat Russia

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a bold statement of strength and resolve, President Joe Biden vowed to keep up the war effort against Russia as long as any...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Wayne Brady Comes Out As Needing Attention

The Babylon Bee

Wayne Brady Comes Out As Needing Attention

MALIBU, CA — Wayne Brady, the beloved comedian who performed on Whose Line Is It Anyway?, hosted Let's Make A Deal, and voiced Noah's s...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

10 Signs Your Public School Teacher Is A Secret Christian

The Babylon Bee

10 Signs Your Public School Teacher Is A Secret Christian

The public school system is a minefield for kids these days. While most public schoolteachers are verified, card-carrying leftist indoctrinators, t...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Weather Channel Invites Biden For Interview After Hearing How Much He Loves To Discuss The Weather

The Babylon Bee

Weather Channel Invites Biden For Interview After Hearing How Much He Loves To Discuss The Weather

ATLANTA, GA — Cable network The Weather Channel excitedly welcomed President Joe Biden on the air for a live interview after hearing about how mu...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Chicago Mayor Says That Due To Negative Connotations We Should Stop Using The Word 'Chicago'

The Babylon Bee

Chicago Mayor Says That Due To Negative Connotations We Should Stop Using The Word 'Chicago'

CHICAGO — Mayor Brandon Johnson advised Chicago reporters to stop using the word "Chicago" when describing anything that happens in Chica...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Celebrity Bravely Criticizes Woke Activists Moments Before Apologizing To Them

The Babylon Bee

Celebrity Bravely Criticizes Woke Activists Moments Before Apologizing To Them

UNITED STATES — A celebrity was recently praised by conservatives for a handful of seconds for bravely criticizing woke idealogues just moments b...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

DoorDash Now Offering Pickle Jar Opening Service For Single Women

The Babylon Bee

DoorDash Now Offering Pickle Jar Opening Service For Single Women

SAN FRANCISCO, CA — The burgeoning food and grocery delivery market is setting its sights on a lucrative niche as DoorDash has announced its new ...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Megan Rapinoe Gets New Job With Galactic Empire Training Stormtroopers To Shoot

The Babylon Bee

Megan Rapinoe Gets New Job With Galactic Empire Training Stormtroopers To Shoot

CORUSCANT — Controversial former U.S. women's soccer player Megan Rapinoe was not unemployed for long, as the Galactic Empire reportedly rec...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Weather Channel Invites Biden For Interview After Hearing How Much He Loves To Discuss The Weather

The Babylon Bee

Weather Channel Invites Biden For Interview After Hearing How Much He Loves To Discuss The Weather

ATLANTA, GA — Cable network The Weather Channel excitedly welcomed President Joe Biden on the air for a live interview after hearing about how mu...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

RNC Combs Beach Seeking Possible Replacement For McConnell

The Babylon Bee

RNC Combs Beach Seeking Possible Replacement For McConnell

UNITED STATES — The Republican National Committee has been hard at work seeking a possible replacement for Kentucky Senator Mitch McConnell, send...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Trump Indicted For Mocking US Women’s Soccer

The Babylon Bee

Trump Indicted For Mocking US Women’s Soccer

U.S. — Former President Trump is facing yet another indictment, this time for mocking U.S. Women's soccer after their embarrassing loss to S...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Report: Record Number Of People Following Their Hearts

The Babylon Bee

Report: Record Number Of People Following Their Hearts

WORLD — A newly released report has revealed that people are following their hearts at record levels, with remarkably disastrous results.

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

FBI Sends In Heavily Armed Tactical Team To Unscrew Incandescent Light Bulb

The Babylon Bee

FBI Sends In Heavily Armed Tactical Team To Unscrew Incandescent Light Bulb

BIRMINGHAM, AL — In an extraordinary display of efficiency and ruthlessness, the FBI's crack tactical team descended upon a sleepy suburban ...