The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

With Colbert Off The Air, Dancing Vaccines Forced To Perform At Children’s Birthday Parties

The Babylon Bee

With Colbert Off The Air, Dancing Vaccines Forced To Perform At Children’s Birthday Parties

MONTCLAIR, NEW JERSEY — With the writers' strike entering its fourth month, workers associated with late-night comedy shows are falling on h...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Colt Releases New Airhorn Modification For AR-15

The Babylon Bee

Colt Releases New Airhorn Modification For AR-15

U.S. — Amid a surge of crime in California and local California police advising citizens to carry air horns to protect themselves from violent cr...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Massachusetts Starting To Wonder If Trump Was Onto Something With That Whole 'Build The Wall' Thing

The Babylon Bee

Massachusetts Starting To Wonder If Trump Was Onto Something With That Whole 'Build The Wall' Thing

BOSTON, MA — After declaring a state of emergency due to the influx of migrants numbering in the dozens, Massachusetts began to wonder if former ...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Democrats Say It’ll Take A Lot More Than Eyewitness Testimony, Bank Records, Audio, Video, Complete Confessions For Them To Believe Biden Did Anything Wrong

The Babylon Bee

Democrats Say It’ll Take A Lot More Than Eyewitness Testimony, Bank Records, Audio, Video, Complete Confessions For Them To Believe Biden Did Anything Wrong

WASHINGTON, D.C. — As evidence of bribery and corruption by the Biden family continues to mount, Democrat lawmakers in the nation's capital ...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

With Colbert Off The Air, Dancing Vaccines Forced To Perform At Children’s Birthday Parties

The Babylon Bee

With Colbert Off The Air, Dancing Vaccines Forced To Perform At Children’s Birthday Parties

MONTCLAIR, NEW JERSEY — With the writers' strike entering its fourth month, workers associated with late-night comedy shows are falling on h...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Epstein Client List To Be Posted On Threads Where No One Will Ever See It

The Babylon Bee

Epstein Client List To Be Posted On Threads Where No One Will Ever See It

U.S. — The infamous Epstein client list will reportedly be posted on the Threads app today, where no human being will ever see its contents.

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Too Far: Texas Dispatches Thwomps To Guard Border

The Babylon Bee

Too Far: Texas Dispatches Thwomps To Guard Border

EL PASO, TX — In a massive escalation, Texas Governor Greg Abbott has set up incredibly angry Thwomp Traps at the U.S.-Mexico border to deter ill...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Disney Writers Threaten If Their Demands Are Not Met They Will Write Another Obi-Wan Series

The Babylon Bee

Disney Writers Threaten If Their Demands Are Not Met They Will Write Another Obi-Wan Series

KANSAS CITY, MO — The Hollywood strike has entered a new level of viciousness, with Disney writers now threatening to write another Obi-Wan serie...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Epstein Client List To Be Posted On Threads Where No One Will Ever See It

The Babylon Bee

Epstein Client List To Be Posted On Threads Where No One Will Ever See It

U.S. — The infamous Epstein client list will reportedly be posted on the Threads app today, where no human being will ever see its contents.

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Too Far: Texas Dispatches Thwomps To Guard Border

The Babylon Bee

Too Far: Texas Dispatches Thwomps To Guard Border

EL PASO, TX — In a massive escalation, Texas Governor Greg Abbott has set up incredibly angry Thwomp Traps at the U.S.-Mexico border to deter ill...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Disney Writers Threaten If Their Demands Are Not Met They Will Write Another Obi-Wan Series

The Babylon Bee

Disney Writers Threaten If Their Demands Are Not Met They Will Write Another Obi-Wan Series

KANSAS CITY, MO — The Hollywood strike has entered a new level of viciousness, with Disney writers now threatening to write another Obi-Wan serie...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Oakland Mayor Asks Residents To Blow Air Horn Once To Announce Stabbing, Twice For Shooting

The Babylon Bee

Oakland Mayor Asks Residents To Blow Air Horn Once To Announce Stabbing, Twice For Shooting

OAKLAND, CA — To help emergency responders deal with a recent surge in crime, Mayor Shen Thao has asked Oakland residents to use air horns to hel...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Biden Vows To Sacrifice As Many Ukrainian Lives As It Takes To Defeat Russia

The Babylon Bee

Biden Vows To Sacrifice As Many Ukrainian Lives As It Takes To Defeat Russia

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a bold statement of strength and resolve, President Joe Biden vowed to keep up the war effort against Russia as long as any...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Oakland Mayor Asks Residents To Blow Air Horn Once To Announce Stabbing, Twice For Shooting

The Babylon Bee

Oakland Mayor Asks Residents To Blow Air Horn Once To Announce Stabbing, Twice For Shooting

OAKLAND, CA — To help emergency responders deal with a recent surge in crime, Mayor Shen Thao has asked Oakland residents to use air horns to hel...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Biden Vows To Sacrifice As Many Ukrainian Lives As It Takes To Defeat Russia

The Babylon Bee

Biden Vows To Sacrifice As Many Ukrainian Lives As It Takes To Defeat Russia

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a bold statement of strength and resolve, President Joe Biden vowed to keep up the war effort against Russia as long as any...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Wayne Brady Comes Out As Needing Attention

The Babylon Bee

Wayne Brady Comes Out As Needing Attention

MALIBU, CA — Wayne Brady, the beloved comedian who performed on Whose Line Is It Anyway?, hosted Let's Make A Deal, and voiced Noah's s...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

10 Signs Your Public School Teacher Is A Secret Christian

The Babylon Bee

10 Signs Your Public School Teacher Is A Secret Christian

The public school system is a minefield for kids these days. While most public schoolteachers are verified, card-carrying leftist indoctrinators, t...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Weather Channel Invites Biden For Interview After Hearing How Much He Loves To Discuss The Weather

The Babylon Bee

Weather Channel Invites Biden For Interview After Hearing How Much He Loves To Discuss The Weather

ATLANTA, GA — Cable network The Weather Channel excitedly welcomed President Joe Biden on the air for a live interview after hearing about how mu...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Chicago Mayor Says That Due To Negative Connotations We Should Stop Using The Word 'Chicago'

The Babylon Bee

Chicago Mayor Says That Due To Negative Connotations We Should Stop Using The Word 'Chicago'

CHICAGO — Mayor Brandon Johnson advised Chicago reporters to stop using the word "Chicago" when describing anything that happens in Chica...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Celebrity Bravely Criticizes Woke Activists Moments Before Apologizing To Them

The Babylon Bee

Celebrity Bravely Criticizes Woke Activists Moments Before Apologizing To Them

UNITED STATES — A celebrity was recently praised by conservatives for a handful of seconds for bravely criticizing woke idealogues just moments b...