The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

UPS Updates Driver Uniforms To Include Top Hat, Monocle

The Babylon Bee

UPS Updates Driver Uniforms To Include Top Hat, Monocle

ATLANTA, GA — As part of its new agreement with the drivers union, global shipping giant UPS has announced the company will be paying its drivers...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Hawaii Officials Ask Whoever Stole Ancient Fire God Tiki Statue To Please Return It ASAP

The Babylon Bee

Hawaii Officials Ask Whoever Stole Ancient Fire God Tiki Statue To Please Return It ASAP

LAHAINA, HI — Representatives with the Hawaiian Department of Land and Natural Resources reached out to the public Friday, imploring whoever stol...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Garland Appoints Special Counsel To Cover Up Biden's Crimes

The Babylon Bee

Garland Appoints Special Counsel To Cover Up Biden's Crimes

U.S. — In a press conference today, Attorney General Merrick Garland announced he will be appointing a new special counsel, David C. Weiss, to in...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

UPS Updates Driver Uniforms To Include Top Hat, Monocle

The Babylon Bee

UPS Updates Driver Uniforms To Include Top Hat, Monocle

ATLANTA, GA — As part of its new agreement with the drivers union, global shipping giant UPS has announced the company will be paying its drivers...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Hawaii Officials Ask Whoever Stole Ancient Fire God Tiki Statue To Please Return It ASAP

The Babylon Bee

Hawaii Officials Ask Whoever Stole Ancient Fire God Tiki Statue To Please Return It ASAP

LAHAINA, HI — Representatives with the Hawaiian Department of Land and Natural Resources reached out to the public Friday, imploring whoever stol...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Garland Appoints Special Counsel To Cover Up Biden's Crimes

The Babylon Bee

Garland Appoints Special Counsel To Cover Up Biden's Crimes

U.S. — In a press conference today, Attorney General Merrick Garland announced he will be appointing a new special counsel, David C. Weiss, to in...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Heroic Dog Only One Protecting Family From Dangerous Amazon Driver

The Babylon Bee

Heroic Dog Only One Protecting Family From Dangerous Amazon Driver

WINNEMUCCA, NV — The Jorgensen family's home lies in a sea of residences, each more vulnerable than the last, ignorant of the numerous daily...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Heroic Dog Only One Protecting Family From Dangerous Amazon Driver

The Babylon Bee

Heroic Dog Only One Protecting Family From Dangerous Amazon Driver

WINNEMUCCA, NV — The Jorgensen family's home lies in a sea of residences, each more vulnerable than the last, ignorant of the numerous daily...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

7 Woke Products Coming Soon To Shelves Near You!

The Babylon Bee

7 Woke Products Coming Soon To Shelves Near You!

Are you sick of your favorite products going WOKE? Well, buckle up, buttercup, because it's not over yet! Hundreds of brands continue to crank...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

7 Woke Products Coming Soon To Shelves Near You!

The Babylon Bee

7 Woke Products Coming Soon To Shelves Near You!

Are you sick of your favorite products going WOKE? Well, buckle up, buttercup, because it's not over yet! Hundreds of brands continue to crank...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Massachusetts Starting To Wonder If Trump Was Onto Something With That Whole 'Build The Wall' Thing

The Babylon Bee

Massachusetts Starting To Wonder If Trump Was Onto Something With That Whole 'Build The Wall' Thing

BOSTON, MA — After declaring a state of emergency due to the influx of migrants numbering in the dozens, Massachusetts began to wonder if former ...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Democrats Say It’ll Take A Lot More Than Eyewitness Testimony, Bank Records, Audio, Video, Complete Confessions For Them To Believe Biden Did Anything Wrong

The Babylon Bee

Democrats Say It’ll Take A Lot More Than Eyewitness Testimony, Bank Records, Audio, Video, Complete Confessions For Them To Believe Biden Did Anything Wrong

WASHINGTON, D.C. — As evidence of bribery and corruption by the Biden family continues to mount, Democrat lawmakers in the nation's capital ...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

With Colbert Off The Air, Dancing Vaccines Forced To Perform At Children’s Birthday Parties

The Babylon Bee

With Colbert Off The Air, Dancing Vaccines Forced To Perform At Children’s Birthday Parties

MONTCLAIR, NEW JERSEY — With the writers' strike entering its fourth month, workers associated with late-night comedy shows are falling on h...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Colt Releases New Airhorn Modification For AR-15

The Babylon Bee

Colt Releases New Airhorn Modification For AR-15

U.S. — Amid a surge of crime in California and local California police advising citizens to carry air horns to protect themselves from violent cr...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Massachusetts Starting To Wonder If Trump Was Onto Something With That Whole 'Build The Wall' Thing

The Babylon Bee

Massachusetts Starting To Wonder If Trump Was Onto Something With That Whole 'Build The Wall' Thing

BOSTON, MA — After declaring a state of emergency due to the influx of migrants numbering in the dozens, Massachusetts began to wonder if former ...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Democrats Say It’ll Take A Lot More Than Eyewitness Testimony, Bank Records, Audio, Video, Complete Confessions For Them To Believe Biden Did Anything Wrong

The Babylon Bee

Democrats Say It’ll Take A Lot More Than Eyewitness Testimony, Bank Records, Audio, Video, Complete Confessions For Them To Believe Biden Did Anything Wrong

WASHINGTON, D.C. — As evidence of bribery and corruption by the Biden family continues to mount, Democrat lawmakers in the nation's capital ...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

With Colbert Off The Air, Dancing Vaccines Forced To Perform At Children’s Birthday Parties

The Babylon Bee

With Colbert Off The Air, Dancing Vaccines Forced To Perform At Children’s Birthday Parties

MONTCLAIR, NEW JERSEY — With the writers' strike entering its fourth month, workers associated with late-night comedy shows are falling on h...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Epstein Client List To Be Posted On Threads Where No One Will Ever See It

The Babylon Bee

Epstein Client List To Be Posted On Threads Where No One Will Ever See It

U.S. — The infamous Epstein client list will reportedly be posted on the Threads app today, where no human being will ever see its contents.

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Too Far: Texas Dispatches Thwomps To Guard Border

The Babylon Bee

Too Far: Texas Dispatches Thwomps To Guard Border

EL PASO, TX — In a massive escalation, Texas Governor Greg Abbott has set up incredibly angry Thwomp Traps at the U.S.-Mexico border to deter ill...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Disney Writers Threaten If Their Demands Are Not Met They Will Write Another Obi-Wan Series

The Babylon Bee

Disney Writers Threaten If Their Demands Are Not Met They Will Write Another Obi-Wan Series

KANSAS CITY, MO — The Hollywood strike has entered a new level of viciousness, with Disney writers now threatening to write another Obi-Wan serie...