The Babylon Bee - Nostr Hypermedia

Fattest, Sickest Country On Earth Concerned New Health Secretary Might Do Something Different

U.S. — Citizens in the most obese, unhealthy country on the face of the planet have expressed concern that new Health Secretary RFK might try to ...

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

Kamala Appeals To Black Voters By Offering Free Pack of Menthols and Copy of 'Madea's Family Reunion' On DVD

ATLANTA, GA — Continuing her push to bolster support among minority voters, Vice President Kamala Harris appealed to black voters by offering eac...

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

CBS Reveals They Interviewed Kamala For 721 Hours In Order To Compile '60 Minutes' Of Usable Footage

NEW YORK, NY — Following allegations of showing different clips of Kamala answering the same question, CBS News defended themselves by revealing ...

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

BREAKING: Libertarian Showers

The Babylon Bee

BREAKING: Libertarian Showers

PITTSBURGH, OH — In a historic first, sources close to supposedly diehard libertarian Colyn Rhodes have just confirmed that the 34-year old criti...

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

Facebook Renamed More Accurate 'Keeping-Track-Of-People's-Birthdays-Book'

U.S. — Facebook is currently undergoing a name change to bring its brand more in line with its sole remaining use: reminding people of upcoming b...

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

'Did You Mean: Donate to Kamala Harris?' Google Asks User Searching For Info On Trump

U.S. — Local Internet surfer Dean Chamberlain was confused Monday after his Google search for "Donate to Trump Campaign" presented result...

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

Youth Pastor Diligently Searching Scripture For Weirdest Possible Baby Name

BUENA PARK, CA — According to sources, a local youth pastor and his wife were seen diligently searching through the Old Testament to find the wei...

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

New White House Doctor Sadly Informs Biden Only Cure For COVID Is Euthanasia

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Washington sources report that the White House received "a real downer of a prognosis" yesterday after Dr. Pillary Sch...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

‘Welp, 250 Years Wasn't A Bad Run,' Says George Washington Looking On From Heaven

HEAVEN — Watching as the last vestige of the nation he helped found crumbled, George Washington sighed and remarked that America still had gone o...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Not Good: RFK Jr's Worms Started Dropping Spice In His Brain And Now He's Having Visions Of Galactic Jihad

U.S. — Presidential hopeful Robert F. Kennedy Jr. hit a slight snag in his campaign strategy this week when worms inside his brain began dropping...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Megachurch Worship Leaders Frantically Learning New Taylor Swift Songs For Sunday

SPRINGFIELD, MO — With the unexpected overnight release of her double album, megachurch worship leaders across the country scrambled to spend the...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Man Searches Through Amazon Jungle For Uncontacted Tribe To Tell Them He Does Crossfit

CHIRIBIQUETE — A historic expedition went underway this week, as a dedicated man began his search through the most remote reaches of the Amazon j...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

New Star Wars Game Lets You Play As Lesbian Jedi Who Drives Subaru Landspeeder

U.S. — In a galaxy not so far, far away, gamers are gearing up for the release of the latest installment in the Star Wars franchise: Star Wars: G...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Police Slowly Escort White Hearse Containing O.J. Simpson

LOS ANGELES, CA — Mourners and curious onlookers alike gathered along the 405 freeway in Southern California to bear witness as Los Angeles Polic...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Financial Advisor Reminds New Parents It's Never Too Early To Start Saving Up Money For Legos

U.S. — Parents across the nation are diverting funds typically allocated for college savings into a new, equally demanding investment: Legos. Top...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

'This Movie Is Rated PG, It Should Be Fine For The Kids,' Says Mom Clicking Play On 'Indiana Jones And The Temple Of Doom'

BOISE, ID — A life-changing moment occurred for a group of children today, as a local mother decided a classic film from the 1980s should be fine...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Mexico Begins Constructing Wall To Keep Illegal Immigrants From Coming Back

PIEDRAS NEGRAS — As the debate in the United States continued to rage over the ongoing migrant crisis along the southern border, Mexico announced...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Nation Reassured As Special Counsel Transcript Reveals Biden Still Able To Make Car Noises With His Mouth

WASHINGTON, D.C. — The nation came away reassured after the transcript from Special Counsel Hur demonstrated that President Biden can make car so...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

San Franciscans Loot Slightly More Than Usual Following Super Bowl Loss

SAN FRANCISCO, CA — The San Francisco 49ers football team lost Sunday night in a heated overtime match against returning champions, the Kansas Ci...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Horrifying Study Finds More Trans People Have Pretend-Died Under DeSantis Than Any Other Governor In History

TALLAHASSEE, FL — A disturbing new study has confirmed that a record number of trans people are pretending to die in Florida under DeSantis, more...