The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Caitlin Clark Canonized As Saint After Performing Miracle Of Making Women's Basketball Watchable

Caitlin Clark Canonized As Saint After Performing Miracle Of Making Women's Basketball Watchable

ALBANY, NY — Thousands of fans in attendance and millions of television viewers were witnesses to history, as Caitlin Clark was canonized as a sa...

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Caitlin Clark Canonized As Saint After Performing Miracle Of Making Women's Basketball Watchable https://t.co/SeHIJiy3L1

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Candace Owens And Ben Shapiro Forced To Wear Their Get-Along Shirt

Candace Owens And Ben Shapiro Forced To Wear Their Get-Along Shirt

NASHVILLE, TN — Having had enough of their bickering, Daily Wire CEO Jeremy Boreing flew back to the States in order to force Ben Shapiro and Can...

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Candace Owens And Ben Shapiro Forced To Wear Their Get-Along Shirt https://t.co/WfILXs28wA

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

The Biggest Pros And Cons Of Living In Each State

The Biggest Pros And Cons Of Living In Each State

While every state in the Union is way better than France, each has its upsides and downsides. We at The Babylon Bee have collected for you the bigg...

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The Biggest Pros And Cons Of Living In Each State https://t.co/vT6R7GA5qv

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Kamala Harris Receives Honorary Degree From Clown College

Kamala Harris Receives Honorary Degree From Clown College

U.S. — Vice President Kamala Harris was honored with an honorary degree from America's premier clown college Wednesday for her hard work clo...

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Kamala Harris Receives Honorary Degree From Clown College https://t.co/pxgDwHhe9A

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

9 Signs God Might Be Slightly Angry With Your Country

The Babylon Bee

9 Signs God Might Be Slightly Angry With Your Country

With the ground under America literally shaking today, many began wondering - might God be a tad bit angry at us? We at the Bee assembled the best ...

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9 Signs God Might Be Slightly Angry With Your Country https://t.co/XctzOsEOkq

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Bible Scholars Believe Noah Made Over 977 Trips To Home Depot During Ark Construction

Bible Scholars Believe Noah Made Over 977 Trips To Home Depot During Ark Construction

OXFORD — Citing newly discovered evidence and a reinterpretation of some of the earliest available Hebrew texts, leading biblical scholars now be...

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Bible Scholars Believe Noah Made Over 977 Trips To Home Depot During Ark Construction https://t.co/hRvhqoTc9r

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Family Stages Intervention For Midwestern Man's Addiction To Flannel

Family Stages Intervention For Midwestern Man's Addiction To Flannel

SHELBYVILLE, IN — Addiction can be a trying time for any family, but the Coopers are going through a particularly rough patch as they stage an in...

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Family Stages Intervention For Midwestern Man's Addiction To Flannel https://t.co/qEaWagMqG0

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Canadian Man Too Polite To Tell Doctor He Doesn't Want To Be Euthanized

Canadian Man Too Polite To Tell Doctor He Doesn't Want To Be Euthanized

CALGARY — A Canadian man's family reluctantly began the process of making funeral preparations, as he was too polite to tell his doctor that...

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Canadian Man Too Polite To Tell Doctor He Doesn't Want To Be Euthanized https://t.co/ELwTP06BhB

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Biden Demands Israel Fight Rest Of War Using Nerf Guns

The Babylon Bee

Biden Demands Israel Fight Rest Of War Using Nerf Guns

WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Biden threatened to end U.S. aid to Israel unless the IDF complies with a new demand to fight the rest of the war ag...

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Biden Demands Israel Fight Rest Of War Using Nerf Guns https://t.co/CYmUUj1YG4

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Mark Zuckerberg Locked Out Of X Account After Bot Purge

Mark Zuckerberg Locked Out Of X Account After Bot Purge

PALO ALTO, CA — One of Big Tech's biggest names was left searching for an explanation, as Meta founder Mark Zuckerberg was locked out of his...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Earthquake As Jews Dig Tunnels Too Deep And Unearth A Balrog

The Babylon Bee

Earthquake As Jews Dig Tunnels Too Deep And Unearth A Balrog

TEWKSBURY, NJ — Tremors were felt throughout the region as Jews dug their secret tunnels too deep and accidentally unearthed a Balrog.

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Earthquake As Jews Dig Tunnels Too Deep And Unearth A Balrog https://t.co/7gkSKC42DS

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

In Another Hilarious Gaffe, Biden Shouts, 'Help Me! I Don’t Want To Do This Anymore!'

In Another Hilarious Gaffe, Biden Shouts, 'Help Me! I Don’t Want To Do This Anymore!'

U.S.—Joe Biden is once again causing a stir with his wacky sayings and nonstop gaffes. In a recent interview with CNN’s Wolf Blitzer, B...

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In Another Hilarious Gaffe, Biden Shouts, 'Help Me! I Don’t Want To Do This Anymore!' https://t.co/2LPp0dLzaY

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

TurboTax Rebrands As 'TurboTheft' For Libertarian Market

The Babylon Bee

TurboTax Rebrands As 'TurboTheft' For Libertarian Market

SAN DIEGO, CA—TurboTax has released a rebranded version of its popular tax calculation software called "TurboTheft," specifically t...

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TurboTax Rebrands As 'TurboTheft' For Libertarian Market https://t.co/3ZWbPie3j2

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Is Your Wife Planning To Murder You? Look For These Red Flags

Is Your Wife Planning To Murder You? Look For These Red Flags

Whether you and your wife are newlyweds or have been married for several years, this thought has, at one point or another, crossed your mind: "...

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Is Your Wife Planning To Murder You? Look For These Red Flags https://t.co/4eYHixEgPP

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Op-Ed: I Know I'm On The Right Side Of History Because Every Corporation In America Agrees With Me

The Babylon Bee

Op-Ed: I Know I'm On The Right Side Of History Because Every Corporation In America Agrees With Me

I'm on the right side of history, and my political opponents are on the wrong one.

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Op-Ed: I Know I'm On The Right Side Of History Because Every Corporation In America Agrees With Me https://t.co/D7OMvz8XAk

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

In Absolute Highlight Of Week, Man Eats Burger Alone In His Car

In Absolute Highlight Of Week, Man Eats Burger Alone In His Car

TOPEKA, KS — Reports are flying in of an event that sounds too crazy to be true. In an absolute highlight of his week, local man Jobert Philipps ...

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In Absolute Highlight Of Week, Man Eats Burger Alone In His Car https://t.co/rvZ2BcVrpt

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

California Starbucks Struggling To Find Robot Workers With Enough Tattoos And Piercings To Work Registers

California Starbucks Struggling To Find Robot Workers With Enough Tattoos And Piercings To Work Registers

SACRAMENTO, CA — Following California Governor Gavin Newsom's passage of a bill that raises minimum wage at many fast food restaurants to $2...

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California Starbucks Struggling To Find Robot Workers With Enough Tattoos And Piercings To Work Registers https://t.co/5tk0ZE9JWf

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Teen Thanks Parents For Supporting Him Through That Time Of Confusion But Can He Have His Testicles Back Now

Teen Thanks Parents For Supporting Him Through That Time Of Confusion But Can He Have His Testicles Back Now

MORRISTOWN, NY — A teenage male identified as William Beauregard expressed gratitude to his parents Thursday for the love and support he received...

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Teen Thanks Parents For Supporting Him Through That Time Of Confusion But Can He Have His Testicles Back Now https://t.co/rPIylWSsmd

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Biden Still Polling Well With 3 A.M. Mail-In Ballot Demographic

Biden Still Polling Well With 3 A.M. Mail-In Ballot Demographic

U.S. — Despite ominous polling data showing former President Donald Trump holding leads in key battleground states, there are strong indications ...

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Biden Still Polling Well With 3 A.M. Mail-In Ballot Demographic https://t.co/YYRbOVeqWS

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Midlife Crisis: Wife Begs Husband To Just Buy A Convertible Instead Of A Greek Trireme

Midlife Crisis: Wife Begs Husband To Just Buy A Convertible Instead Of A Greek Trireme

DEARBORN, MI — According to neighbors, local wife and mother Helena Kenti has reportedly begged her husband Peter, who is currently going through...

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Midlife Crisis: Wife Begs Husband To Just Buy A Convertible Instead Of A Greek Trireme https://t.co/FEvf2JmJVa