The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Wife Sure Cutting Own Bangs Will Solve All Problems — Update: Oh No

Wife Sure Cutting Own Bangs Will Solve All Problems — Update: Oh No

JANESVILLE, WI — Local wife Karinne Clobert was reportedly having one of those days, according to neighbors, when she made the thoughtful decisio...

X (formerly Twitter)

The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) on X

Wife Sure Cutting Own Bangs Will Solve All Problems — Update: Oh No https://t.co/VYlvSfyDwe

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Catholic Church Distances Self From Pope Francis

The Babylon Bee

Catholic Church Distances Self From Pope Francis

WORLD — After a series of shocking unbiblical statements from the Supreme Pontiff, the Catholic Church officially distanced itself from Pope Fran...

X (formerly Twitter)

The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) on X

Catholic Church Distances Self From Pope Francis https://t.co/83WJrRQ1Zf

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Polls Show Biden Still Has Sizable Lead Among Those Who Will Be Counting The Ballots

Polls Show Biden Still Has Sizable Lead Among Those Who Will Be Counting The Ballots

U.S. — Though some recent data has indicated large percentages of voters are breaking toward former President Donald Trump, new polls show Presid...

X (formerly Twitter)

The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) on X

Polls Show Biden Still Has Sizable Lead Among Those Who Will Be Counting The Ballots https://t.co/BSg5ObXwuw

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Report: Go To Church You Heathen

Report: Go To Church You Heathen

WORLD—According to a breaking news report, you should go to church, you insolent heathen. The report, released this morning, which is Sunday,...

X (formerly Twitter)

The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) on X

Report: Go To Church You Heathen https://t.co/BfNDwzlkyb

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

AOC Demands To Know Where Alito Bought An Upside-Down U.S. Flag

AOC Demands To Know Where Alito Bought An Upside-Down U.S. Flag

WASHINGTON, D.C. — As controversy continued to swirl around Supreme Court Justice Samuel Alito, Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez demanded t...

X (formerly Twitter)

The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) on X

AOC Demands To Know Where Alito Bought An Upside-Down U.S. Flag https://t.co/HXtHCc4yvp

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

10 Real-Life Examples Of Why American Measurements Are Better Than The Communist Metric System

10 Real-Life Examples Of Why American Measurements Are Better Than The Communist Metric System

Should we measure things in inches or centimeters? Pounds or kilograms? Miles or whatever it is they use in Europe? The answer is clear: we should ...

X (formerly Twitter)

The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) on X

10 Real-Life Examples Of Why American Measurements Are Better Than The Communist Metric System https://t.co/GyPUbhGVbu

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Savvy Restauranteur Moves To Take Over Newly Vacant Red Lobster Locations

The Babylon Bee

Savvy Restaurateur Moves To Take Over Newly Vacant Red Lobster Locations

U.S. — Resourceful restaurateur Eugene H. Krabs announced plans this week to convert the hundreds of vacated Red Lobster locations into new Krust...

X (formerly Twitter)

The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) on X

Savvy Restauranteur Moves To Take Over Newly Vacant Red Lobster Locations https://t.co/lj0IO4fJ4F

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Klaus Schwab Retires To Spend More Time With His Lizard Family On Planet Zarkon VII

Klaus Schwab Retires To Spend More Time With His Lizard Family On Planet Zarkon VII

DAVOS — An upcoming change of the global guard began today, as longtime leader of the World Economic Forum Klaus Schwab announced he was retiring...

X (formerly Twitter)

The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) on X

Klaus Schwab Retires To Spend More Time With His Lizard Family On Planet Zarkon VII https://t.co/r7bZuUloiO

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Peacock Releases Movie Saying It's OK To Eat Your Young Because Some Animals Do It

Peacock Releases Movie Saying It's OK To Eat Your Young Because Some Animals Do It

HOLLYWOOD, CA — Streaming service Peacock announced the release this week of a documentary that proves eating your own offspring is completely fi...

X (formerly Twitter)

The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) on X

Peacock Releases Movie Saying It's OK To Eat Your Young Because Some Animals Do It https://t.co/AXS2P4TLdN

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Biden Placed In Presidential Weeble-Wobble To Keep Him From Falling Down

Biden Placed In Presidential Weeble-Wobble To Keep Him From Falling Down

WASHINGTON, DC — According to sources in the White House, President Biden has been given his very own Weeble-Wobble to help keep him occupied and...

X (formerly Twitter)

The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) on X

Biden Placed In Presidential Weeble-Wobble To Keep Him From Falling Down https://t.co/YU4b28e2ox

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

VeggieTales Cast And Crew Come Forward To Accuse Bob The Tomato Of Creating Toxic Environment On Set

VeggieTales Cast And Crew Come Forward To Accuse Bob The Tomato Of Creating Toxic Environment On Set

HOLLYWOOD, CA — After years of silence, cast and crew from VeggieTales rocked the entertainment industry today by coming forward to accuse Bob th...

X (formerly Twitter)

The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) on X

VeggieTales Cast And Crew Come Forward To Accuse Bob The Tomato Of Creating Toxic Environment On Set https://t.co/QRvGCd5koH

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Prosecution Offers Michael Cohen $130,000 Hush Money To Stop Talking

The Babylon Bee

Prosecution Offers Michael Cohen $130,000 Hush Money To Stop Talking

NEW YORK, NY — Prosecutors in the trial against former president Donald Trump offered star witness Michael Cohen $130,000 if he would keep his bi...

X (formerly Twitter)

The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) on X

Prosecution Offers Michael Cohen $130,000 Hush Money To Stop Talking https://t.co/AibNoybq4m

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Here Are 9 More Extremist Flags Spotted At Alito's Home

Here Are 9 More Extremist Flags Spotted At Alito's Home

Justice Alito is in hot water after the "An Appeal to Heaven" flag was spotted outside his home, as well as an American flag flying upside-...

X (formerly Twitter)

The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) on X

Here Are 9 More Extremist Flags Spotted At Alito's Home https://t.co/wRE7Ga6IvA

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Major League Cricket Introduces Pitch Clock In Attempt To Reduce Average Game Time To Seven Days

Major League Cricket Introduces Pitch Clock In Attempt To Reduce Average Game Time To Seven Days

LONDON — Major League Cricket has announced that all future league games will use a pitch clock in order to reduce the average time of a match to...

X (formerly Twitter)

The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) on X

Major League Cricket Introduces Pitch Clock In Attempt To Reduce Average Game Time To Seven Days https://t.co/5anIAC3yDL

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

9 Insults From The Bible You Should Start Using Right Away

9 Insults From The Bible You Should Start Using Right Away

Are you on the lookout for some new sick burns to unleash on your friends and enemies? Believe it or not, the Bible is actually a great source of i...

X (formerly Twitter)

The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) on X

9 Insults From The Bible You Should Start Using Right Away https://t.co/xdaPqg6yfR

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Wife Sure Cutting Own Bangs Will Solve All Problems — Update: Oh No

Wife Sure Cutting Own Bangs Will Solve All Problems — Update: Oh No

JANESVILLE, WI — Local wife Karinne Clobert was reportedly having one of those days, according to neighbors, when she made the thoughtful decisio...

X (formerly Twitter)

The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) on X

Wife Sure Cutting Own Bangs Will Solve All Problems — Update: Oh No https://t.co/VYlvSfyDwe

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Classic Rock Station Plays Song By Creed

Classic Rock Station Plays Song By Creed

LOS ANGELES, CA—According to sources close to local man Clay Cole, his local classic rock station played a song by Creed this morning, despit...

X (formerly Twitter)

The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) on X

Classic Rock Station Plays Song By Creed https://t.co/etOOHr10P0

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Pathetic Excuse For An Environmentalist Hasn’t Even Eaten A Cicada Yet

Pathetic Excuse For An Environmentalist Hasn’t Even Eaten A Cicada Yet

“I just don’t want to eat bugs,” said the so-called progressive who allegedly cares about the planet. “Why can’t I ju...

X (formerly Twitter)

The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) on X

Pathetic Excuse For An Environmentalist Hasn’t Even Eaten A Cicada Yet https://t.co/Q0MRjutBmT

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

'Go On, Git! Be Free! Get Outta Here!' Cries Blubbering Red Lobster Chef Throwing Rocks At Lobster Scurrying Off Into The Woods

'Go On, Git! Be Free! Get Outta Here!' Cries Blubbering Red Lobster Chef Throwing Rocks At Lobster Scurrying Off Into The Woods

ORLANDO, FL — The mass closings of Red Lobster seafood restaurants around the nation have left many raw and emotional. While customers are mourni...

X (formerly Twitter)

The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) on X

'Go On, Git! Be Free! Get Outta Here!' Cries Blubbering Red Lobster Chef Throwing Rocks At Lobster Scurrying Off Into The Woods https://t.co/Xw1agW...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Shocking Video Reveals Scottie Scheffler Failed To Give Police Officer A Kiss For His Owie Boo-Boo

Shocking Video Reveals Scottie Scheffler Failed To Give Police Officer A Kiss For His Owie Boo-Boo

LOUISVILLE, KY — Shocking, previously unreleased footage reveals that star golfer Scottie Scheffler did, in fact, fail to give the police officer...

X (formerly Twitter)

The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) on X

Shocking Video Reveals Scottie Scheffler Failed To Give Police Officer A Kiss For His Owie Boo-Boo https://t.co/pDqPZaJBK0