The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

To Grow Customer Base, Cracker Barrel Rebrands As 'Hispanic, Black, And Cracker Barrel'

To Grow Customer Base, Cracker Barrel Rebrands As 'Hispanic, Black, And Cracker Barrel'

LEBANON, TN — In an attempt to right the ship amid financial struggles and grow its customer base, restaurant chain Cracker Barrel announced it w...

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To Grow Customer Base, Cracker Barrel Rebrands As 'Hispanic, Black, And Cracker Barrel' https://t.co/mpli87IOoK

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Democrats Celebrate Trump Being Convicted Of Whatever It Was He Did

Democrats Celebrate Trump Being Convicted Of Whatever It Was He Did

U.S. — Following the reading of the guilty verdict in the first criminal trial of a former president, Democrats across the country celebrated Don...

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Democrats Celebrate Trump Being Convicted Of Whatever It Was He Did https://t.co/6hxkpqUhk1

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Trump Reminds Media He Prefers The Term 'Justice-Impacted Individual'

Trump Reminds Media He Prefers The Term 'Justice-Impacted Individual'

U.S. — In the hours after being convicted on 34 counts of something or other, Trump issued a reminder to the media that the proper term to descri...

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Trump Reminds Media He Prefers The Term 'Justice-Impacted Individual' https://t.co/Eqnj3C2I1a

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Man Celebrates Losing 2 Pounds By Gaining 5 Pounds

The Babylon Bee

Man Celebrates Losing 2 Pounds By Gaining 5 Pounds

HOBOKEN, NJ — A local man celebrated losing two pounds this week by instantly gaining back five, sources report.

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Man Celebrates Losing 2 Pounds By Gaining 5 Pounds https://t.co/ZVoZspiHPr

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

‘Sorry, I’m Not A Great Texter’ Says Friend Responding To Your Text From 2002

‘Sorry, I’m Not A Great Texter,’ Says Friend Responding To Your Text From 2002

SCOTTSDALE, AZ — According to sources, a friend has just responded to your 22-year-old text to let you know he's sorry he didn't reply ...

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The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) on X

‘Sorry, I’m Not A Great Texter’ Says Friend Responding To Your Text From 2002 https://t.co/4T8wflDv7T

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Jury Passes Note To Judge Asking To Review 14 Seasons Of 'The Apprentice'

Jury Passes Note To Judge Asking To Review 14 Seasons Of 'The Apprentice'

NEW YORK, NY — As deliberations continued in the criminal trial of former President Donald Trump, news broke that the jury had passed a note to t...

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Jury Passes Note To Judge Asking To Review 14 Seasons Of 'The Apprentice' https://t.co/h0uAAc2b1S

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

With All Other Companies Going Woke, Conservatives Make Last Stand At Texas Buc-ee's

With All Other Companies Going Woke, Conservatives Make Last Stand At Texas Buc-ee's

NEW BRAUNFELS, TX — In the wake of many popular retail chains, restaurants, and merchandise vendors falling to the ever-growing trend of woke ide...

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With All Other Companies Going Woke, Conservatives Make Last Stand At Texas Buc-ee's https://t.co/kusqRyq9Sm

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Chick-fil-A Now Training White Employees To Say 'My Privilege'

Chick-fil-A Now Training White Employees To Say 'My Privilege'

ATLANTA — As his first act, Chick-fil-A's new VP of Diversity, Equity, & Inclusion Erick McReynolds has revised company vocab guidelines...

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Chick-fil-A Now Training White Employees To Say 'My Privilege' https://t.co/fpBuCpSXLm

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Judge Warns Trump Criminal Trial May Last Until, Say, November 6

Judge Warns Trump Criminal Trial May Last Until, Say, November 6

NEW YORK, NY — In what could have significant ramifications for the upcoming presidential election, the presiding judge warned that former Presid...

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Judge Warns Trump Criminal Trial May Last Until, Say, November 6 https://t.co/N4Bm4laKvR

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Trump INDICTED For Removing Mattress Tag In 1997

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The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) on X

Trump INDICTED For Removing Mattress Tag In 1997

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Kangaroos Ask People To Stop Unfairly Comparing Them To U.S. Justice System

The Babylon Bee

Kangaroos Ask People To Stop Unfairly Comparing Them To U.S. Justice System

AUSTRALIA — Kangaroos hosted a press conference today calling for a stop to demeaning comparisons to the United States justice system.

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Kangaroos Ask People To Stop Unfairly Comparing Them To U.S. Justice System https://t.co/WCjQ0nam1C

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Bailiffs Cast Lots For Trump’s Clothing

Bailiffs Cast Lots For Trump’s Clothing

NEW YORK CITY, NY — As the jury deliberates in the State of New York v. Trump criminal trial, sources within the courtroom claim that four court ...

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Bailiffs Cast Lots For Trump’s Clothing https://t.co/HKN7LPf5dg

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Pope: 'I Apologize For Using An Offensive Slur To Refer To Flaming Homo Nancyboys'

Pope: 'I Apologize For Using An Offensive Slur To Refer To Flaming Homo Nancyboys'

VATICAN CITY — Following the uproar regarding terminology he allegedly used in reference to homosexuals becoming Catholic priests, Pope Francis i...

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Pope: 'I Apologize For Using An Offensive Slur To Refer To Flaming Homo Nancyboys' https://t.co/ou8gRV2CZ9

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Toddler Rates Disney World A Close 2nd To Trip Through Car Wash

Toddler Rates Disney World A Close 2nd To Trip Through Car Wash

VILLA RICA, GA—On the way home from his family's long-anticipated trip to Disney World, toddler David Hayes informed his father that...

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Toddler Rates Disney World A Close 2nd To Trip Through Car Wash https://t.co/kiKoNjV8ce

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Are You Gay? 9 Signs To Look For

The Babylon Bee

Are You Gay? 9 Signs To Look For

Did you know that you might be gay and not even know it? It's true! We've consulted with experts in psychology and sodomy to help you ide...

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The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) on X

Are You Gay? 9 Signs To Look For https://t.co/ZtDU3tiJFS

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Man At Tower Of Babel Upset He Didn't Get The Cool British Accent

Man At Tower Of Babel Upset He Didn't Get The Cool British Accent

BABEL — Seba, son of Cush, became frustrated following an event dubbed by scribes as the "confusion of languages" after realizing he miss...

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Man At Tower Of Babel Upset He Didn't Get The Cool British Accent https://t.co/7rr5Te893i

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Calls To Defund The Police Wane After People Remember Crime Exists

Calls To Defund The Police Wane After People Remember Crime Exists

U.S.—The Defund the Police movement had been gaining steam for some time, as everyone loved the idea of making communities safer by having fe...

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Calls To Defund The Police Wane After People Remember Crime Exists https://t.co/QpydDkZBAM

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

9 Blatantly Obvious Christ Figures In 'Dune'

9 Blatantly Obvious Christ Figures In 'Dune'

It's the most important question you can ask, no matter which movie you're watching: "who is the Christ figure in this movie?" An...

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9 Blatantly Obvious Christ Figures In 'Dune' https://t.co/ZIUqjizCeN

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

College Grad Finds Perfect Spot On Wall To Hang First Unemployment Check

College Grad Finds Perfect Spot On Wall To Hang First Unemployment Check

OLD WESTBURY, NY — Sources close to the Ellington household claim that Kael Ellington, a recent graduate from Columbia University who majored in ...

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College Grad Finds Perfect Spot On Wall To Hang First Unemployment Check https://t.co/o2d4aZnye4

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

7 Ways For Christians To Prepare For Pride Month

7 Ways For Christians To Prepare For Pride Month

It's almost that time of year again, when corporations suddenly bathe themselves in rainbow colors overnight and vast mobs of drag queens roam...

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7 Ways For Christians To Prepare For Pride Month https://t.co/AkLWx5iTl5