The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

Man Can Trace 90% Of His Mental Health Issues To Watching The Boat Tunnel Scene In Willy Wonka When He Was A Kid

The Babylon Bee

Man Can Trace 90% Of His Mental Health Issues To Watching The Boat Tunnel Scene In Willy Wonka When He Was A Kid

SALINA, KS — The root of one resident's deep-seated psychosis was finally discovered, as a local man was able to trace 90% of the mental hea...

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Man Can Trace 90% Of His Mental Health Issues To Watching The Boat Tunnel Scene In Willy Wonka When He Was A Kid https://t.co/vgzUiyvxhz

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

Buc-ee's Announces First Gas Station in Space

The Babylon Bee

Buc-ee's Announces First Gas Station in Space

HOUSTON, TX — In what many are calling the "biggest advance of the 21st century," official Buc-ee's sources have confirmed that the ...

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Buc-ee's Announces First Gas Station in Space https://t.co/3rW72iL7XQ

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

Democrats Hoping Fetterman’s Car Crash Caused Enough Brain Damage That He’ll Become One Of Them Again

The Babylon Bee

Democrats Hoping Fetterman’s Car Crash Caused Enough Brain Damage That He’ll Become One Of Them Again

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Upon hearing of Senator Fetterman's hospitalization due to a car crash in Maryland, several Democrats expressed hope that...

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Democrats Hoping Fetterman’s Car Crash Caused Enough Brain Damage That He’ll Become One Of Them Again https://t.co/8eOyjV4G4a

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

Merrick Garland Threatens To Arrest Anyone Who Says His DOJ Is Corrupt

The Babylon Bee

Merrick Garland Threatens To Arrest Anyone Who Says His DOJ Is Corrupt

WASHINGTON, D.C. — As accusations continue to mount regarding the impartiality of the American justice system, U.S. Attorney General Merrick Garl...

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Merrick Garland Threatens To Arrest Anyone Who Says His DOJ Is Corrupt https://t.co/jRH81jgxU9

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

American Women Once Again Make Their Yearly Pilgrimage To The Magnolia Silos

The Babylon Bee

American Women Once Again Make Their Yearly Pilgrimage To The Magnolia Silos

WACO, TX—Thousands of American women have embarked on an annual summer pilgrimage to Magnolia Market at the Silos to hunt for what ...

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The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) on X

American Women Once Again Make Their Yearly Pilgrimage To The Magnolia Silos https://t.co/DjnmjdUgOc

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

Things That Have A Higher Approval Than Joe Biden https://t.co/0Wm0ERsDcz

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

Here's How 12 Different News Outlets Covered Israel's Hostage Rescue

The Babylon Bee

Here's How 12 Different News Outlets Covered Israel's Hostage Rescue

Everyone knows that the media is either fake and biased or completely 100% factual and correct, depending on how your political orientation lines u...

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The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) on X

Here's How 12 Different News Outlets Covered Israel's Hostage Rescue https://t.co/KF9AhbxFCr

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

Palestinian Researchers Discover Startling Correlation Between Holding Hostages In Your Home And People Shooting You

The Babylon Bee

Palestinian Researchers Discover Startling Correlation Between Holding Hostages In Your Home And People Shooting You

GAZA — In what was viewed as a potential breakthrough in addressing tensions in the war-torn region, Palestinian researchers discovered a startli...

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The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) on X

Palestinian Researchers Discover Startling Correlation Between Holding Hostages In Your Home And People Shooting You https://t.co/cpJ0MKNSBZ

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

To Protect Pride Murals From Further Defacement, Government Bans Cars

The Babylon Bee

To Protect Pride Murals From Further Defacement, Government Bans Cars

SPOKANE, WA — Following the recent flagrant desecrations of Pride murals around the country, the government has come up with a simple, yet effect...

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The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) on X

To Protect Pride Murals From Further Defacement, Government Bans Cars https://t.co/Ha3vmEpAp9

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

Pastors Reveal Their 10 Favorite Types Of Church Members

The Babylon Bee

Pastors Reveal Their 10 Favorite Types Of Church Members

Churchgoers come in all shapes, sizes, and types, making the body of Christ a veritable cornucopia of humanity. Among these seemingly disparate exa...

https://t.co/KZR2C0Hsw2

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

90% Of Traffic Collisions Linked To Drivers Taking Pictures Of Cybertrucks

The Babylon Bee

90% Of Traffic Collisions Linked To Drivers Taking Pictures Of Cybertrucks

AUSTIN, TX — According to a study released by the US Department of Transportation, approximately 90% of auto collisions within the United States ...

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The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) on X

90% Of Traffic Collisions Linked To Drivers Taking Pictures Of Cybertrucks https://t.co/2mFqGwKstt

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

Kids Avoid Felony By Defacing Pride Mural With 'Free Gaza' Skid Marks

The Babylon Bee

Kids Avoid Felony By Defacing Pride Mural With 'Free Gaza' Skid Marks

SPOKANE, WA — In an effort to avoid a felony conviction, kids riding scooters over a roadway pride mural spelled out "Free Gaza" in skid ...

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The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) on X

Kids Avoid Felony By Defacing Pride Mural With 'Free Gaza' Skid Marks https://t.co/YEGJWAwiqp

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

Biden Asks Why Europe Didn't Just Arrest Conservative Candidates Before Election

The Babylon Bee

Biden Asks Why Europe Didn't Just Arrest Conservative Candidates Before Election

WASHINGTON, D.C. — As shockwaves continued to reverberate around the globe following sweeping victories for the European political right, U.S. Pr...

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The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) on X

Biden Asks Why Europe Didn't Just Arrest Conservative Candidates Before Election https://t.co/3MgAh4kIB4

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

Biden Drops First Bomb On Normandy In 80 Years

The Babylon Bee

Biden Drops First Bomb On Normandy In 80 Years

FRANCE — In a solemn and moving ceremony of remembrance on the 80th anniversary of the D-Day invasion, President Biden marked the occasion by dro...

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Biden Drops First Bomb On Normandy In 80 Years https://t.co/IQ5lRkjePF

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

Aides Begin Putting Googly Eyes On Biden So He Looks Like He's Paying Attention

The Babylon Bee

Aides Begin Putting Googly Eyes On Biden So He Looks Like He's Paying Attention

WASHINGTON, DC — In the wake of a Wall Street Journal article revealing that President Biden has begun nodding off during meetings, White House a...

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Aides Begin Putting Googly Eyes On Biden So He Looks Like He's Paying Attention https://t.co/qZ4fI1Egef

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

53 Investments That Offer A Better Return Than A College Degree

The Babylon Bee

53 Investments That Offer A Better Return Than A College Degree

In case you haven't heard, college is expensive these days - and despite what many people think, a college degree isn't an automatic path...

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53 Investments That Offer A Better Return Than A College Degree https://t.co/UHtJbyv6kt

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

Deaf Man Really Enjoying Children’s Church Choir

The Babylon Bee

Deaf Man Really Enjoying Children’s Church Choir

ST. LOUIS, MO - Local deaf man Robert Sloan thought the Children's Church Choir gave a really nice performance this morning of "I Am A Chi...

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Deaf Man Really Enjoying Children’s Church Choir https://t.co/IZtdtKkxn7

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

Biden Announces Plan To Pretend To Care About The Border Until November 6

The Babylon Bee

Biden Announces Plan To Pretend To Care About The Border Until November 6

WASHINGTON, D.C. — With political pressure mounting over the continued border crisis, President Biden has announced a plan to pretend to care abo...

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Biden Announces Plan To Pretend To Care About The Border Until November 6 https://t.co/QNW9X2nq3d

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

Geek Squad Kept Afloat Solely By Gertrude

The Babylon Bee

Geek Squad Kept Afloat Solely By Gertrude

CEDAR RAPIDS, IA — Best Buy insiders recently revealed that the only reason that the tech store is able to financially sustain its Geek Squad IT ...

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Geek Squad Kept Afloat Solely By Gertrude https://t.co/jYSAxnAGX3

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

Edmonton Oilers Change Name To 'Edmonton 20% Renewable Energy By 2035ers'

The Babylon Bee

Edmonton Oilers Change Name To 'Edmonton 20% Renewable Energy By 2035ers'

EDMONTON — Following the spate of American sports teams changing their names, the Canadian hockey team formerly known as the "Edmonton Oilers...

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The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) on X

Edmonton Oilers Change Name To 'Edmonton 20% Renewable Energy By 2035ers' https://t.co/DKjBxCSM7n