The Babylon Bee
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Fake news you can trust.
'Sorry, No Refunds,' Says Hunter Biden To All The Foreign Governments That Sent Him Bribes 

The Babylon Bee
'Sorry, No Refunds,' Says Hunter Biden To All The Foreign Governments That Sent Him Bribes
U.S. — After learning that Joe Biden would not seek a second presidential term, his son Hunter took it upon himself to advise all the foreign gov...
Concerns Salvation Army Taking Military Metaphor Too Far As They Introduce Tank Brigade


The Babylon Bee
Concerns Salvation Army Taking Military Metaphor Too Far As They Introduce Tank Brigade
U.S. — Concerns have arisen that the Salvation Army has perhaps gone too far with its military metaphor after the group unveiled a brigade of ful...
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The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) on X
Concerns Salvation Army Taking Military Metaphor Too Far As They Introduce Tank Brigade https://t.co/iPSTGIUJPc

After Extensive Investigation, FBI Confirms JFK Was Struck By Bullet


The Babylon Bee
After Extensive Investigation, FBI Confirms JFK Was Struck By Bullet
WASHINGTON D.C. — The FBI announced today that after an extensive investigation, the bureau has at last concluded that President John F. Kennedy ...
X (formerly Twitter)
The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) on X
After Extensive Investigation, FBI Confirms JFK Was Struck By Bullet https://t.co/3qUE2cjD50

Activision Announces Release Of 'Call Of Duty: Moderately Sloped Roof' 

The Babylon Bee
Activision Announces Release Of 'Call Of Duty: Moderately Sloped Roof'
U.S. — Video game developer Activision announced what has quickly become its most anticipated release in years, with newest franchise installment...
Biden Stepped Down. Here Are The 8 Things That Happen Next 

The Babylon Bee
Biden Stepped Down. Here Are The 8 Things That Happen Next
With President Biden stepping aside despite winning his party's primary, millions are asking -- what happens next? The Babylon Bee explains th...
Husband Counters Wife’s Claim He’s No Fun With Convincing Spreadsheet 

The Babylon Bee
Husband Counters Wife’s Claim He’s No Fun With Convincing Spreadsheet
DRAPER, UT — Local husband Aaron Campbell presented a detailed spreadsheet to his wife of all the ways he's a super great time after she acc...
Top 10 Reasons You Should Just Turn Your Guns Over To The Government TODAY 

The Babylon Bee
Top 10 Reasons You Should Just Turn Your Guns Over To The Government TODAY
So, you still have guns in your house, huh?
Oh No: Your Wife Has Sent You Several ‘Funny’ Videos And She Expects You To Watch Them 

The Babylon Bee
Oh No: Your Wife Has Sent You Several ‘Funny’ Videos And She Expects You To Watch Them
U.S. — According to the results of a survey conducted among married women, over 100% of wives are waiting for feedback about the funny videos the...
Media Warns Community Notes May Make It Harder For Them To Lie 

The Babylon Bee
Media Warns Community Notes May Make It Harder For Them To Lie
U.S. — Members of the mainstream media sounded the alarm about the Community Notes feature of X, formerly Twitter, which they say makes it harder...
Woman With Five Kids Worried Driving A Minivan Will Make Her Look Like A Mom 

The Babylon Bee
Woman With Five Kids Worried Driving A Minivan Will Make Her Look Like A Mom
PROVO, UT — A local woman with five kids expressed worry this week that driving a minivan might make her look like a mom.
Kamala Harris Secures Liberal White Women Vote By Always Being Drunk And Intolerable


The Babylon Bee
Kamala Harris Secures Liberal White Women Vote By Always Being Drunk And Intolerable
WASHINGTON, D.C. — New poll numbers showed Kamala Harris had locked up the white liberal woman vote by constantly being drunk and intolerable.
Scholars Now Believe David Wrote Psalm 22 After Stepping On Lego 

The Babylon Bee
Scholars Now Believe David Wrote Psalm 22 After Stepping On Lego
U.S. — A combination of archaeological evidence and textual analysis has led many Bible scholars to believe King David wrote Psalm 22 after stepp...
FBI Director Suggests Trump's Ear Just Spontaneously Exploded


The Babylon Bee
FBI Director Suggests Trump's Ear Just Spontaneously Exploded
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In his testimony before Congress, FBI Director Christopher Wray proposed a bold new theory about the attempted assassination o...
X (formerly Twitter)
The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) on X
FBI Director Suggests Trump's Ear Just Spontaneously Exploded https://t.co/iXrXjiHwFp

Olympic Games Delayed As USA Flag Bearer LeBron James Flops Again 

The Babylon Bee
Olympic Games Delayed As USA Flag Bearer LeBron James Flops Again
PARIS — In a tragic turn of events, the opening ceremonies of the 2024 Paris Summer Olympics were delayed after Team USA flag bearer LeBron James...
Obama Reluctantly Endorses Kamala After Butt-Dialing Her 

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Obama Reluctantly Endorses Kamala After Butt-Dialing Her
WASHINGTON, D.C. — The Vice President's campaign for president received a highly sought-after boost this week, as former President Barack Ob...
Baptists Propose New, More Modest Women's Uniforms For Next Olympics 

The Babylon Bee
Baptists Propose New, More Modest Women's Uniforms For Next Olympics
U.S.—With Olympic teams like the Norwegian Women's handball team expressing interest in more modest Olympic attire, American Baptist wome...
Mayorkas Testifies Before Congress That He Is Not Bald 

The Babylon Bee
Mayorkas Testifies Before Congress That He Is Not Bald
WASHINGTON, D.C. — The U.S. Secretary of Homeland Security Alejandro Mayorkas was summoned to Capitol Hill today to give testimony before a congr...


