The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

Dang It! Wife Cleans Out Junk Drawer And Now Husband Can’t Find Any Dried-Out Markers Or Broken Rubber Bands

Dang It! Wife Cleans Out Junk Drawer And Now Husband Can’t Find Any Dried-Out Markers Or Broken Rubber Bands

SALT LAKE CITY, UT — Local man Mark Griggs found himself searching in vain for a dried-out magic marker and broken rubber bands this week after h...

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

Report: Go To Church You Heathen

Report: Go To Church You Heathen

WORLD—According to a breaking news report, you should go to church, you insolent heathen. The report, released this morning, which is Sunday,...

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

Hillary Clinton Says First Amendment Is Russian Disinformation

Hillary Clinton Says First Amendment Is Russian Disinformation

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In an interview with Rachel Maddow, former presidential candidate and email server technician Hillary Clinton called for the i...

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Hillary Clinton Says First Amendment Is Russian Disinformation https://t.co/cXymCxLNV2

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

'I Was Born Into A Middle Class Family,' Explains Wife When Husband Asks Why The Car Is On Fire

'I Was Born Into A Middle Class Family,' Explains Wife When Husband Asks Why The Car Is On Fire

SAVANNAH, GA — A local man was left completely stumped while questioning his wife about an issue with one of the family's vehicles, having a...

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'I Was Born Into A Middle Class Family,' Explains Wife When Husband Asks Why The Car Is On Fire https://t.co/CgibWWZOx6

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

Democrats Accuse Trump Of Inciting Further Violence By Not Dying

Democrats Accuse Trump Of Inciting Further Violence By Not Dying

PALM BEACH, FL — In the wake of what appears to be a second assassination attempt on Donald Trump, Democrats across the country have stepped forw...

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Democrats Accuse Trump Of Inciting Further Violence By Not Dying https://t.co/0nEo2Yo9fb

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

Ohio Restaurant Unveils New Pumpkin Spice Cat

Ohio Restaurant Unveils New Pumpkin Spice Cat

SPRINGFIELD, OH — Ohio residents and foodies were in for a treat last week when Martha's Mashup Diner 'N Dive released its autumn menu,...

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

Home Depot Introduces 'Shame Alarm' That Blares If A Man Asks An Employee For Help

Home Depot Introduces 'Shame Alarm' That Blares If A Man Asks An Employee For Help

HOUSTON, TX — The Home Depot has just announced a brand new "Alarm of Shame," which will be standard in all Home Depot locations by next ...

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Home Depot Introduces 'Shame Alarm' That Blares If A Man Asks An Employee For Help https://t.co/Z1oEITnCnQ

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

Oh No! Tim Walz Just Waved So Hard His Arms Flew Off!

Oh No! Tim Walz Just Waved So Hard His Arms Flew Off!

MINNEAPOLIS, MN — Minnesotans were shocked yesterday to find out that their governor lost both of his arms during a rally in which he waved so ha...

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Oh No! Tim Walz Just Waved So Hard His Arms Flew Off! https://t.co/zzkFMHJLmd

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

Guy At British Restaurant Not Sure If Chef Messed Up His Meal Or If It's Just Supposed To Taste Bad

Guy At British Restaurant Not Sure If Chef Messed Up His Meal Or If It's Just Supposed To Taste Bad

THE UNITED KINGDOM — According to sources, American tourist Gary Ludwig isn't sure whether the British restaurant where he is eating lunch m...

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Guy At British Restaurant Not Sure If Chef Messed Up His Meal Or If It's Just Supposed To Taste Bad https://t.co/uhsD9bS7FV

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

Blast From The Past: Remember That 'Joe' Guy? Whatever Happened To Him Anyway?

Blast From The Past: Remember That 'Joe' Guy? Whatever Happened To Him Anyway?

Do you remember that "Joe Biden" guy from a while back that everyone was talking about? The one who always mumbled funny words and said kin...

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Blast From The Past: Remember That 'Joe' Guy? Whatever Happened To Him Anyway? https://t.co/ox3dGG3rWb

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

Rashida Tlaib Uninjured After Her Pager Mysteriously Explodes

Rashida Tlaib Uninjured After Her Pager Mysteriously Explodes

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Capitol Police responded to an urgent call amid reports of a loud disturbance in the congressional offices today. Michigan Con...

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Rashida Tlaib Uninjured After Her Pager Mysteriously Explodes https://t.co/8sgUgFsCmV