The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

Matt Chandler Condemns Republicans For Cleverly Winning Christian Vote By Coming Out Against Murder

Matt Chandler Condemns Republicans For Cleverly Winning Christian Vote By Coming Out Against Murder

FLOWER MOUND, TX — Evangelical preacher Matt Chandler condemned sneaky Republicans Sunday for winning the Christian vote by cleverly coming out a...

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Matt Chandler Condemns Republicans For Cleverly Winning Christian Vote By Coming Out Against Murder https://t.co/UOiu8ENS69

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

Bilbo Baggins Stumps Gollum In Contest Of Riddles By Asking 'What Is A Woman?'

Bilbo Baggins Stumps Gollum In Contest Of Riddles By Asking 'What Is A Woman?'

GOBLIN-TOWN — According to goblin sources, a hobbit known as Bilbo Baggins claimed victory in a contest of riddles against the creature Gollum by...

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Bilbo Baggins Stumps Gollum In Contest Of Riddles By Asking 'What Is A Woman?' https://t.co/gsO8wver9L

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

Sad: 3-Year-Old Homeschooler Hasn't Even Read 'War and Peace' Yet

Sad: 3-Year-Old Homeschooler Hasn't Even Read 'War and Peace' Yet

OLATHE, KS — In yet another story that was sure to serve as ammunition for advocates for the benefits of public schooling over other educational ...

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Sad: 3-Year-Old Homeschooler Hasn't Even Read 'War and Peace' Yet https://t.co/kd6DxWKDln

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

Investigation Reveals Trump’s Role In 'Home Alone 2' Was Staged

Investigation Reveals Trump’s Role In 'Home Alone 2' Was Staged

WASHINGTON, D.C. — The presidential race was hit with an "October Surprise" today, as media reports circulated that an investigation reve...

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Investigation Reveals Trump’s Role In 'Home Alone 2' Was Staged https://t.co/1U1KR0YhQa

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

‘You’re At The Wrong Town Hall,’ Snaps Kamala At Citizen Trying To Ask Her A Question

‘You’re At The Wrong Town Hall,’ Snaps Kamala At Citizen Trying To Ask Her A Question

DETROIT, MI — Eyewitnesses at Kamala Harris' recent town hall with Liz Cheney say that the current Vice President lashed out at a citizen wh...

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‘You’re At The Wrong Town Hall,’ Snaps Kamala At Citizen Trying To Ask Her A Question https://t.co/4DVmswKgX4

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

Netflix Announces 'Wife Mode' Function That Explains Entire Movie Before It Starts

Netflix Announces 'Wife Mode' Function That Explains Entire Movie Before It Starts

LOS GATOS, CA — In an advancement sure to save countless movie nights — and marriages, Netflix has announced a new "Wife Mode" function...

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Netflix Announces 'Wife Mode' Function That Explains Entire Movie Before It Starts https://t.co/njn90SwNYq

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

Texans Announce Plan To Keep Pretending Whataburger Is Good

Texans Announce Plan To Keep Pretending Whataburger Is Good

SAN ANTONIO, TX — Following a closed-door meeting to discuss the issue and take an official vote, residents of the state of Texas announced their...

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Texans Announce Plan To Keep Pretending Whataburger Is Good https://t.co/Uxb501v7as

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

Victoria’s Secret Quietly Cancels New Lizzo Lingerie Line

Victoria’s Secret Quietly Cancels New Lizzo Lingerie Line

REYNOLDSBURG, OH — In the wake of its decision to return to a more attractive marketing presentation of its product, clothing maker Victoria&#039...

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Victoria’s Secret Quietly Cancels New Lizzo Lingerie Line https://t.co/9pvBPOHJJ9

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

10 Signs You Accidentally Started Watching A Christian Movie

10 Signs You Accidentally Started Watching A Christian Movie

It's happened to all of us: you're looking for a quality movie to relax to after a long day at work. After a few minutes, you suddenly re...

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10 Signs You Accidentally Started Watching A Christian Movie https://t.co/OO1vXaWiJ3

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

Sweet, Loving Wife Transforms Home Into Demented House Of Horrors Every October

Sweet, Loving Wife Transforms Home Into Demented House Of Horrors Every October

HILLSBORO, TX—Local sweet, loving wife Kaylee Davis loves to make her family's home a place of refuge for her husband and kids after thei...

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Sweet, Loving Wife Transforms Home Into Demented House Of Horrors Every October https://t.co/7zauSve6sH

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

Husband And Wife Spend Romantic Evening Sending Each Other Memes

The Babylon Bee

Husband And Wife Spend Romantic Evening Sending Each Other Memes

MEMPHIS, TN — According to sources, a local couple has settled in for a romantic evening of sitting down next to each other and sending memes bac...

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Husband And Wife Spend Romantic Evening Sending Each Other Memes https://t.co/wSgtMFLIUR

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

Trump To Host New Season Of 'Dirty Jobs'

Trump To Host New Season Of 'Dirty Jobs'

U.S. — Editorial sources at the Discovery Channel recently confirmed that Mike Rowe was out of a job again, as a new season of the series Dirty J...

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Trump To Host New Season Of 'Dirty Jobs' https://t.co/yOgvHNRGex

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

Would-Be Trump Assassin Found Hiding In PlayPlace

Would-Be Trump Assassin Found Hiding In PlayPlace

PHILADELPHIA, PA — In an incident that overshadowed the smashing success of Donald Trump's appearance at a local McDonald's yesterday, ...

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Would-Be Trump Assassin Found Hiding In PlayPlace https://t.co/v6TRhnRK9s

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

Disaster As Tim Walz Accidentally Signals Boeing 747 To Land At Rally

Disaster As Tim Walz Accidentally Signals Boeing 747 To Land At Rally

GREEN BAY, WI — Disaster struck at a recent Harris-Walz rally after Tim Walz's wild, erratic arms movements inadvertently signaled a Boeing ...

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Disaster As Tim Walz Accidentally Signals Boeing 747 To Land At Rally https://t.co/wruA0vdg0y

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

10 Reasons You Can Totally Trust The Government With Your Money

The Babylon Bee

10 Reasons You Can Totally Trust The Government With Your Money

Everyone knows there's no more efficient organization than the United States government. Everything they touch flourishes and succeeds.

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10 Reasons You Can Totally Trust The Government With Your Money https://t.co/849F45BPI5

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

Millions Lose Faith In God As Dodgers, Yankees Move On To World Series

Millions Lose Faith In God As Dodgers, Yankees Move On To World Series

U.S. — Churches and other faith-based organizations across the country reported a sudden rise in people questioning their deeply held beliefs aft...

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Millions Lose Faith In God As Dodgers, Yankees Move On To World Series https://t.co/ZRtPdKhizD

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

Sixth Woman Added To Cast Of 'The View'

The Babylon Bee

Sixth Woman Added To Cast Of 'The View'

NEW YORK, NY — A great moment in both television history and the advancement of women occurred today, as producers of ABC's long-tenured day...

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Sixth Woman Added To Cast Of 'The View' https://t.co/zOGYzZDrPc

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

Desperate Kamala Plans Photo Op At Long John Silver's

Desperate Kamala Plans Photo Op At Long John Silver's

LANCASTER, PA — In response to the popular reception former President Donald Trump received while working at a Philadelphia area McDonald's ...

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Desperate Kamala Plans Photo Op At Long John Silver's https://t.co/zaN22Jg4hV

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

Report: Even Dominion Machines Refusing To Vote For Kamala

Report: Even Dominion Machines Refusing To Vote For Kamala

U.S. — Democratic Party leaders received yet another piece of bad news with the presidential election just over two weeks away, as they learned t...

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Report: Even Dominion Machines Refusing To Vote For Kamala https://t.co/iRrZFbMJ7N

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

Dad Has Family Arrive At Airport Before It's Even Built

Dad Has Family Arrive At Airport Before It's Even Built

INDIANAPOLIS, IN — Pro Dad and savvy world traveler Chip Dunnings is taking his family on vacation, and to avoid missing the flight, has made sur...

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Dad Has Family Arrive At Airport Before It's Even Built https://t.co/7cIQk6yrBB