The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

Police Helicopter Either Saying To Go Outside And Help Look For Missing Old Guy Or Lock Your Doors And Stay Inside Because There's A Serial Killer On Your Street

Police Helicopter Either Saying To Go Outside And Help Look For Missing Old Guy Or Lock Your Doors And Stay Inside Because There's A Serial Killer On Your Street

LOS ANGELES, CA — A late-breaking report confirmed that the police helicopter hovering above your neighborhood either said to go outside and help...

X (formerly Twitter)

The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) on X

Police Helicopter Either Saying To Go Outside And Help Look For Missing Old Guy Or Lock Your Doors And Stay Inside Because There's A Serial Killer ...

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

Satan Not Sure Which Of His Two Favorite Teams To Root For In World Series

Satan Not Sure Which Of His Two Favorite Teams To Root For In World Series

NINTH CIRCLE OF HELL — Satan was reportedly unsure which of his favorite baseball teams he should root for to win the 2024 World Series: the Los ...

X (formerly Twitter)

The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) on X

Satan Not Sure Which Of His Two Favorite Teams To Root For In World Series https://t.co/EcPbWAV9rk

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

12 Biblical Proverbs That Didn't Make The Cut

12 Biblical Proverbs That Didn't Make The Cut

Approximately 900 individual proverbs are recorded in the Bible today, yet according to 1 Kings 4:32, King Solomon wrote at least 3,000. Apparently...

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The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) on X

12 Biblical Proverbs That Didn't Make The Cut https://t.co/bkPWRU7kAO

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

Democrats Warn It May Take At Least 4 Years To Count Ballots

Democrats Warn It May Take At Least 4 Years To Count Ballots

U.S. — With the presidential election less than two weeks away, top Democrats warned the American people that it could be some time before we kno...

X (formerly Twitter)

The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) on X

Democrats Warn It May Take At Least 4 Years To Count Ballots https://t.co/KWeN4zJVRV

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

Local Man Didn't Expect God's Hedge Of Protection Would Be Actual Hedge

Local Man Didn't Expect God's Hedge Of Protection Would Be Actual Hedge

CHINO, CA — Anonymous reports from a church small group indicated local man Evan McDonough requested a hedge of protection from God to keep him s...

X (formerly Twitter)

The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) on X

Local Man Didn't Expect God's Hedge Of Protection Would Be Actual Hedge https://t.co/eUNDdkRvn4

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

In Appeal To Millennial Voters, Kamala Says Trump Is Also Like Voldemort

In Appeal To Millennial Voters, Kamala Says Trump Is Also Like Voldemort

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In an attempt to connect with millennial voters, Vice President Kamala Harris held a press conference in which she compared Do...

X (formerly Twitter)

The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) on X

In Appeal To Millennial Voters, Kamala Says Trump Is Also Like Voldemort https://t.co/elVXHjxJ1Q

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

Trump Accused Of Inappropriately Touching The Hearts Of Millions Of Americans

Trump Accused Of Inappropriately Touching The Hearts Of Millions Of Americans

U.S. — Things went from bad to worse for the Trump campaign damage control team, as new reports surfaced that former President Donald Trump faced...

X (formerly Twitter)

The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) on X

Trump Accused Of Inappropriately Touching The Hearts Of Millions Of Americans https://t.co/bCPpHfNLtt

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

Kamala Harris's Cackle To Be Played Over Hell's Loudspeakers For All Eternity

Kamala Harris's Cackle To Be Played Over Hell's Loudspeakers For All Eternity

HELL—In a bid to increase torture in the afterlife, managers of Hell confirmed today that Kamala Harris's grating cackle will be played o...

X (formerly Twitter)

The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) on X

Kamala Harris's Cackle To Be Played Over Hell's Loudspeakers For All Eternity https://t.co/Zb8CRJURYA

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

Top 10 Locations To Take A Girl On A First Date

The Babylon Bee

Top 10 Locations To Take A Girl On A First Date

Dating is tough these days! How can you impress a woman and show her a great time?

X (formerly Twitter)

The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) on X

Top 10 Locations To Take A Girl On A First Date https://t.co/qdZBXEpXLN

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

Jewish Man Found To Be Center Of Massive Conspiracy To Control Entire Universe He Created

Jewish Man Found To Be Center Of Massive Conspiracy To Control Entire Universe He Created

WORLD — Global leaders are shaken after researchers uncovered a young Jewish man from Nazareth at the center of a dark plot to control the entire...

X (formerly Twitter)

The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) on X

Jewish Man Found To Be Center Of Massive Conspiracy To Control Entire Universe He Created https://t.co/uLjKITI7Uk

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

Man Identifying As 6-Year-Old Breaks All Records In T-Ball League

X (formerly Twitter)

The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) on X

Man Identifying As 6-Year-Old Breaks All Records In T-Ball League

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

We Got A Sneak Peek At 9 Haikus Jordan Peterson Is Getting Ready To Post On X

We Got A Sneak Peek At 9 Haikus Jordan Peterson Is Getting Ready To Post On X

Some people have noticed the peculiar formatting Dr. Jordan Peterson began using when posting on X (formerly Twitter), but little have they realize...

X (formerly Twitter)

The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) on X

We Got A Sneak Peek At 9 Haikus Jordan Peterson Is Getting Ready To Post On X https://t.co/7FjquDgwXj

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

LA Times Staff Resigns After Being Asked To Publish Facts

LA Times Staff Resigns After Being Asked To Publish Facts

LOS ANGELES, CA — After being in business for 143 years, The Los Angeles Times is shutting its doors because its entire staff resigned in protest...

X (formerly Twitter)

The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) on X

LA Times Staff Resigns After Being Asked To Publish Facts https://t.co/3z8nJfbXan

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

Study Finds 100% Of Male Hikers Are Imagining They Are On A Quest During The Third Age Of Middle-Earth

Study Finds 100% Of Male Hikers Are Imagining They Are On A Quest During The Third Age Of Middle-Earth

U.S. — A groundbreaking new study has confirmed what countless scientists had suspected for decades, revealing an astounding 100% of male hikers ...

X (formerly Twitter)

The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) on X

Study Finds 100% Of Male Hikers Are Imagining They Are On A Quest During The Third Age Of Middle-Earth https://t.co/Wem6ejhn2V

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

Final Nail In The Coffin? Former Blockbuster Employee Accuses Trump Of Failing To Return VHS Tape Of 'Baby Geniuses' In 1999

Final Nail In The Coffin? Former Blockbuster Employee Accuses Trump Of Failing To Return VHS Tape Of 'Baby Geniuses' In 1999

NEW YORK, NY — In what political experts said could be the final nail in the coffin for the former president's bid to return to the White Ho...

X (formerly Twitter)

The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) on X

Final Nail In The Coffin? Former Blockbuster Employee Accuses Trump Of Failing To Return VHS Tape Of 'Baby Geniuses' In 1999 https://t.co/QmD0F0adgA

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

Smaller, Less Glorious Heaven Built For Presbyterians

Smaller, Less Glorious Heaven Built For Presbyterians

HEAVEN — Sources close to God have confirmed the construction of a smaller, slightly less glorious Heaven built specifically for Presbyterians. L...

X (formerly Twitter)

The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) on X

Smaller, Less Glorious Heaven Built For Presbyterians https://t.co/RGtO6AUg0S

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

Frustrated Democrats Reportedly Consider Letting Voters Pick The Presidential Candidate Next Time

Frustrated Democrats To Consider Letting Voters Pick The Presidential Candidate Next Time

WASHINGTON, D.C. — A leak from within the Democrat party recently alleged that frustrated Democrat leaders have gone as far as considering lettin...

X (formerly Twitter)

The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) on X

Frustrated Democrats Reportedly Consider Letting Voters Pick The Presidential Candidate Next Time https://t.co/9CAtnOEXcg

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

Worst Allegation Yet? Woman Alleges In 1993 Trump Touched Her Inappropriately With Classified Documents While Praising Hitler

Worst Allegation Yet? Woman Claims In 1993 Trump Touched Her Inappropriately With Classified Documents While Praising Hitler

NEW YORK CITY, NY — In a groundbreaking series of new allegations, a woman has come forward to accuse Trump of inappropriately touching her with ...

X (formerly Twitter)

The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) on X

Worst Allegation Yet? Woman Alleges In 1993 Trump Touched Her Inappropriately With Classified Documents While Praising Hitler https://t.co/UTr0mm6ynz

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

Tulsi Gabbard Finally Realizes She’s Far Too Attractive To Be A Democrat

Tulsi Gabbard Finally Realizes She’s Far Too Attractive To Be A Democrat

WASHINGTON, D.C. — There was great rejoicing in the GOP yesterday as former Democrat Tulsi Gabbard finally realized that she's far too good-...

X (formerly Twitter)

The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) on X

Tulsi Gabbard Finally Realizes She’s Far Too Attractive To Be A Democrat https://t.co/RE7q4wGZgq

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

Elon Musk Offers Mark Zuckerberg $1 Billion If He Changes Name Of Facebook To 'Faceboob'

Elon Musk Offers Mark Zuckerberg $1 Billion If He Changes Name Of Facebook To 'Faceboob'

SAN FRANCISCO, CA — Elon Musk has generously offered to give Mark Zuckerberg $1 billion to simply change Facebook's name to "Faceboob."

X (formerly Twitter)

The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) on X

Elon Musk Offers Mark Zuckerberg $1 Billion If He Changes Name Of Facebook To 'Faceboob' https://t.co/vQwXtZgA6f