The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

Rashida Tlaib Uninjured After Her Pager Mysteriously Explodes

The Babylon Bee

Rashida Tlaib Uninjured After Her Pager Mysteriously Explodes

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Capitol Police responded to an urgent call amid reports of a loud disturbance in the congressional offices today. Michigan Con...

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Rashida Tlaib Uninjured After Her Pager Mysteriously Explodes https://t.co/8sgUgFsCmV

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

Report: Jesus Is Aware That Your 'Harvest Festival' Is Really A Halloween Party

The Babylon Bee

Report: Jesus Is Aware That Your 'Harvest Festival' Is Really A Halloween Party

HEAVEN — According to sources from the eternal realm, Jesus knows exactly what your church's so-called "Harvest Festival" really is.

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Report: Jesus Is Aware That Your 'Harvest Festival' Is Really A Halloween Party https://t.co/dFDREL05hD

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

Zombie Wandering Capitol Hill In Search Of Brains Starves To Death

The Babylon Bee

Zombie Wandering Capitol Hill In Search Of Brains Starves To Death

WASHINGTON, D.C. — According to first responders, a member of the undead community has starved to death after lumbering around Capitol Hill in se...

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The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) on X

Zombie Wandering Capitol Hill In Search Of Brains Starves To Death https://t.co/SWovvdADVP

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

Woman's Entire Personality Just Sassy Hobby Lobby Signs

Woman's Entire Personality Just Sassy Hobby Lobby Signs

MIDWEST CITY, OK—According to sources close to local woman Winona Sharp, the woman’s whole personality is made up entirely of Hobby Lob...

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The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) on X

Woman's Entire Personality Just Sassy Hobby Lobby Signs https://t.co/d4EcPNJVwK

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

Referees Annoyed As Football Game Keeps Interrupting Their Penalty Calls

The Babylon Bee

Referees Annoyed As Football Game Keeps Interrupting Their Penalty Calls

KANSAS CITY, KS — Referees at a recent Chiefs game were reportedly less than thrilled to find that an NFL football game kept interrupting their p...

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Referees Annoyed As Football Game Keeps Interrupting Their Penalty Calls https://t.co/NDgEgAV7mA

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

Prodigal Son Tearfully Confesses He Spent Entire Inheritance On Fortnite V-Bucks

The Babylon Bee

Prodigal Son Tearfully Confesses He Spent Entire Inheritance On Fortnite V-Bucks

ISRAEL — A local father recently displayed inspiring, unconditional love by welcoming back his son who had asked for his inheritance early so tha...

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The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) on X

Prodigal Son Tearfully Confesses He Spent Entire Inheritance On Fortnite V-Bucks https://t.co/DtxpNCXupj

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

Progress: Trump Holds Most Ethnically Diverse, Pro-Israel Nazi Rally In History

The Babylon Bee

Progress: Trump Holds Most Ethnically Diverse, Pro-Israel Nazi Rally In History

NEW YORK, NY — Socio-political experts hailed the tremendous cultural progress that was made at Madison Square Garden this weekend, as former Pre...

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The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) on X

Progress: Trump Holds Most Ethnically Diverse, Pro-Israel Nazi Rally In History https://t.co/WkMp3kQQFJ

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

Tim Walz Asks Which Button To Press In 'Madden' To Make Players Slap Each Other’s Butts

The Babylon Bee

Tim Walz Asks Which Button To Press In 'Madden' To Make Players Slap Each Other’s Butts

LAS VEGAS, NV — During a campaign event in which he played on a live Twitch stream with Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, vice presidential...

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The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) on X

Tim Walz Asks Which Button To Press In 'Madden' To Make Players Slap Each Other’s Butts https://t.co/0AhtSXLobM

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

Trump Appeals To Voters With World Record 39-Minute Xbox Speedrun Of 'SpongeBob SquarePants: Battle For Bikini Bottom'

The Babylon Bee

Trump Appeals To Voters With World Record 39-Minute Xbox Speedrun Of 'SpongeBob SquarePants: Battle For Bikini Bottom'

NEW YORK, NY — During a historic rally at Madison Square Garden, Donald Trump sat down and wowed audience members by completing a record-breaking...

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The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) on X

Trump Appeals To Voters With World Record 39-Minute Xbox Speedrun Of 'SpongeBob SquarePants: Battle For Bikini Bottom' https://t.co/LmvIeLP9HL

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

MSNBC Condemns Trump For Holding Rally On Planet Earth Where 66 Million Years Ago An Asteroid Caused Mass Extinction

The Babylon Bee

MSNBC Condemns Trump For Holding Rally On Planet Earth Where 66 Million Years Ago An Asteroid Caused Mass Extinction

NEW YORK, NY — Amid the excitement of MAGA voters descending on Madison Square Garden, MSNBC condemned former President Donald Trump for holding ...

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MSNBC Condemns Trump For Holding Rally On Planet Earth Where 66 Million Years Ago An Asteroid Caused Mass Extinction https://t.co/lizeQ02q9i

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

10 Sexiest Halloween Costume Ideas For Christians

The Babylon Bee

10 Sexiest Halloween Costume Ideas For Christians

Are you looking to turn up the heat this Halloween, but don't want to cause your brothers in Christ to stumble? Have we got the ticket for you&...

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10 Sexiest Halloween Costume Ideas For Christians https://t.co/0b15H9mnzU

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

Republicans Accused Of Ableism For Pointing Out Democrat Candidate Is A Blind Possum With Brain Damage

The Babylon Bee

Republicans Accused Of Ableism For Pointing Out Democrat Candidate Is A Blind Possum With Brain Damage

PHILADELPHIA, PA — Democrats were praised by ableism awareness advocates this week for nominating a blind possum with brain damage to the Senate ...

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The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) on X

Republicans Accused Of Ableism For Pointing Out Democrat Candidate Is A Blind Possum With Brain Damage https://t.co/5kSTctRHWj

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

Antifa Shatters Mirror In Attempt To Punch Nazi

The Babylon Bee

Antifa Shatters Mirror In Attempt To Punch Nazi

Further investigation of where Day says he encountered the nazi revealed only a broken mirror hanging on the wall.

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Antifa Shatters Mirror In Attempt To Punch Nazi https://t.co/tS68aKO1rP

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

Heroes: Abortionists At Kamala Rally Rush To Woman Suffering Medical Emergency, Murder Her

The Babylon Bee

Heroes: Abortionists At Kamala Rally Rush To Woman Suffering Medical Emergency, Murder Her

HOUSTON, TX — A woman suffered a medical emergency during a Kamala Harris rally, fortuitously just as a dozen doctors were arriving on a nearby s...

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Heroes: Abortionists At Kamala Rally Rush To Woman Suffering Medical Emergency, Murder Her https://t.co/qm6zhnngVJ

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

Worst Allegation Yet? Woman Claims In 1993 Trump Touched Her Inappropriately With Classified Documents While Praising Hitler

The Babylon Bee

Worst Allegation Yet? Woman Claims In 1993 Trump Touched Her Inappropriately With Classified Documents While Praising Hitler

NEW YORK CITY, NY — In a groundbreaking series of new allegations, a woman has come forward to accuse Trump of inappropriately touching her with ...

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Worst Allegation Yet? Woman Claims In 1993 Trump Touched Her Inappropriately With Classified Documents While Praising Hitler https://t.co/UTr0mm6ynz

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

Democrats Scream In Fury After Spotting Child That Made It Out Of The Womb Alive

The Babylon Bee

Democrats Scream In Fury After Spotting Child That Made It Out Of The Womb Alive

HOUSTON, TX — Democrats outside of the Kamala Harris rally began screaming in blind rage after spotting a child who somehow managed to make it ou...

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Democrats Scream In Fury After Spotting Child That Made It Out Of The Womb Alive https://t.co/CcdOy9tWUU

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

Report: Even Dominion Machines Refusing To Vote For Kamala

The Babylon Bee

Report: Even Dominion Machines Refusing To Vote For Kamala

U.S. — Democratic Party leaders received yet another piece of bad news with the presidential election just over two weeks away, as they learned t...

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The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) on X

Report: Even Dominion Machines Refusing To Vote For Kamala https://t.co/iRrZFbMJ7N

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

12 Biblical Proverbs That Didn't Make The Cut

The Babylon Bee

12 Biblical Proverbs That Didn't Make The Cut

Approximately 900 individual proverbs are recorded in the Bible today, yet according to 1 Kings 4:32, King Solomon wrote at least 3,000. Apparently...

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12 Biblical Proverbs That Didn't Make The Cut https://t.co/bkPWRU7kAO

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

Democrats Warn It May Take At Least 4 Years To Count Ballots

The Babylon Bee

Democrats Warn It May Take At Least 4 Years To Count Ballots

U.S. — With the presidential election less than two weeks away, top Democrats warned the American people that it could be some time before we kno...

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Democrats Warn It May Take At Least 4 Years To Count Ballots https://t.co/KWeN4zJVRV

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

In NBA First, LeBron And Bronny Execute Synchronized Father-Son Flop

The Babylon Bee

In NBA First, LeBron And Bronny Execute Synchronized Father-Son Flop

LOS ANGELES, CA — History was made on the basketball court last night when fans witnessed a once-in-a-lifetime moment as LeBron James and his son...

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The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) on X

In NBA First, LeBron And Bronny Execute Synchronized Father-Son Flop https://t.co/yj8FZJM771