You are right, this is a critical point. I will try to solve it in the second (or third) step, profile management. After an easy onboarding, the user will be guided to understand the relay paradigm and can choose to customize their own configuration, using their own relays as well.
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i love to hear it. thank you for working on ways to make this whole nostr mess accessible. i think we should also spread the importance of having as many relays and clients as possible, some clients and relays might not be fully effective compared to the big popular ones rn but in a way they're just as important. as more users join the nostr network, we'll see bigger results. lets not forget we have more developers than all those legacy platforms!
I think one thing that isn't properly emphasized with Nstart is that you can pass npubs to follow and relays to use for the new profile. So the app might customize the experience for a new user based on what they're looking at right now. I.e. npub.pro sites will suggest the admin and contributors of the site to follow, and will pass the contributors' set of relays to be used for the new profile. So instead of connecting to default big relays/profiles, the decision on follows/relays is delegated to experienced humans (site admins in this case).