There is a way to know who broke the trust: you have to sign a different event for each person that comes asking the relay for the content, just adding their pubkey in a tag, for example. It's kinda ugly but should work great. The problem is that it requires the relay to be able to sign notes on your behalf, which is doable with NIP-46 bunkers. Once you know who pirated your content you should be able to kick that person out of your selected whitelist if that's your goal.