I've seen lots of people with a reachability problem here. There's a simple way to fix it: listen to only the relays you do care about, but publish to as many active relays as possible. People that don't share your relays are not going to have access to your posts, but posting is "free".

filter-relay

filter.nostr.wine Relay Readme

is a great "one-relay" solution if you are using nostr.wine already.