I’ve mentioned before that I found Dr. Vanessa Lapointe’s “Discipline Without Damage” a useful book on understanding child development and behaviour. I’ve just picked up her new(er) book, “Parenting Right From The Start”, which addresses everything from newborn to about 3 — but I think that even if your child is older, if you haven’t done the “work” of resolving your own past triggers/traumas, you could benefit from it too, because goodness knows raising children brings out the absolute best AND worst in you!
I’m only about a fifth of the way in, but here are a couple of quotes I really like about the neurological need for connection (as opposed to disconnection strategies like time-outs and loss of privileges when the kid isn’t “behaving”. Or, if you like in psych-speak, attachment parenting vs. behaviourist parenting):
“Our role as parents is to promote our child's development rather than create circumstances or conditions that get in the way of it. When children don't get the connection they need they cannot be released fully to their developmental pathway.”
“Unfortunately, our current parenting culture […] suggests parents are supposed to toughen up their little humans and get them ready for the real world. But the job of parenting is not to grow children who are hardened. Rather, it is to grow children who are hardy, resilient, and who will contribute to making the world a better place.”
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