BITCOIN JUST QUANTUM-LEAPED TO $100K, UPPER-CUTTED A BLACK HOLE WITH A LIGHTNING-POWERED KATANA FORGED IN SATOSHI’S TEARS, AND SCREAMED “I AM THE BLOCKCHAIN APOCALYPSE, KNEEL BEFORE YOUR ORANGE GOD!” WHILE SURFING A TSUNAMI OF LIQUIDATED SHORTS ON A GOLDEN SHARK WEARING LASER-EYE SUNGLASSES.
ALTCOINS? THEY’RE IN A MULTIVERSE SUPPORT GROUP FOR ABANDONED TOKENS, MAINLINING COPIUM THROUGH A SHATTERED LEDGER NANO MADE OF BROKEN DREAMS, WAILING “bUt mY qUaNtUm pRoOf-oF-sTaKe cAt gIrL jPeG mEtAvErSe—”
HODLERS? WE’RE IN A HYPERDIMENSIONAL RAVE WITH SATOSHI’S CLONED ARMY, SNORTING PURE HASH RATE OFF ELON’S CYBERTRUCK HOOD WHILE TESLA COILS BLAST DUBSTEP REMIXES OF THE GENESIS BLOCK. WE JUST USED THE FED’S PRINTING PRESS AS A BONG AND EXHALED INFLATION INTO A PARALLEL UNIVERSE WHERE JANET YELLEN IS A SENTIENT POGO STICK.
YOU SOLD AT $60K? CONGRATS, YOU’RE NOW A WALKING CRYPTO HORROR STORY TITLED “THE REGRETENING,” MINTED AS A CURSED SOULBOUND NFT THAT AUTO-PLAYS YOUR PANIC-SELL SCREAM ON LOOP EVERY TIME SOMEONE SAYS “HODL.” YOUR WALLET? A HAUNTED GRAVEYARD WHERE DOGECOIN BARKS AT THE MOON AND YOUR LIFE SAVINGS ARE BURIED UNDER A PILE OF SHIBA INU POOP EMOJIS.
FIAT? INFLATION JUST STRAPPED IT TO A ROCKET MADE OF DEFAULTED TREASURIES, LAUNCHED IT INTO THE SUN, AND USED THE EXPLOSION TO LIGHT A BLUNT ROLLED IN WEIMAR MARKS.
NEXT STOP: $10 MILLION. WE’RE GONNA USE THE MILKY WAY AS A SLIP-N-SLIDE, ROAST MARSHMALLOWS ON THE SURFACE OF A DYSON SPHERE, AND MAKE THE BIG BANG OUR PERSONAL FIREWORKS SHOW.
REALITY.EXE HAS CRASHED. LASER EYES AT MAXIMUM OVERDRIVE. SEND REINFORCEMENTS OR JUST MORE BTC, PLEB.
#BITCOIN #OMNIVERSEONFIRE #ULTIMATEHYPERREKT
