NIP17 makes relays easily spammable. How is that a good solution? At the minimum you must accept and decrypt all DMs from anyone. We know only one good (read: not super centralized) solution to the spam problem: payments. So if you get people to pay for DMs, problem solved. But you won't probably, not in a social media context where everyone assumes free is the default. Nostr has not "botched DMs" because we always knew the solution, we botched the business model, because shitposting doesn’t pay for DMs.

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You just successfully argued against your proposed solution. I agree that requiring payment per message would solve the spam issue, but it wouldn't necessarily solve the "different clients use different DM specs" problem. Indeed, it would just make it worse.
I argued that only payments solve the DM issue, and the reason clients are not converging on one spec in the first place is that they have little hope to get their users pay for DMs, so they try to cook up a multitude of specs to escape this reality. Get users to pay -> ossify/converge specs = easy. That is what I argued. Do you find something problematic with that?