"Let me wildly toss this into the hands of God!" And obviously it fell. I've fallen too, sister, trusting in the Lord. But I never blamed God. I'm happy being the stupid one. Or the larger landscape, being evil and all. It really always boils down to a communication issue. We think God is going to be cool with something, and he's not. We farmers call it "flipping out" when a calf randomly buckles and skips in the field. Some of us like to flip out on occasion, out of perhaps sheer giddiness, but sometimes we fall. In retrospect I do not recall to what extent we had our ears open and listening at the time. Noted.