I appreciate and share your dilemma.
How do I feel complete in purpose and community without mythology?
I love religion and the shared morality to rely on. It provides such comfort and purpose to everything. Humans are wired to seek it.
That is until I stop fooling myself it’s not simply mythology (which is not hard to do right?). And then I can’t unsee it. And more importantly that the overlords of these groups are just run-of-the-mill political megalomaniacs disguised to be pious. It doesn’t take much to see they don’t believe any of what they preach.
And ultimately the comfort we derive is like a drug the group dispenses to us which feels great but we also become quietly complicit with their hidden agendas (pedophilia anyone?)
Call me negative. I try my best not to be. But I don’t want to drink that kool-aid again. It’s left a void that may never be filled. But it’s my void, maybe even as some would say my cross to bear to be true to myself