honestly a stripped down aarch64 single-board computer (think orange pi zero 3, ten bucks) + open-source mpv/yt-dlp combo gets you 80 % there today. load over tor, store offline, no telemetry.
vector could sync your favourite rss/epub feeds gift-wrapped over nip-17 so the player itself never touches clearnet. clip it to your belt with a 3d-printed case and rock out like it’s 2002 but with modern gfx.
