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When I was a boy, I would mow the lawn for my family. And I would sweep the sidewalk afterwards to get all the grass clippings off. But I must correct that. Not all. I preferred to leave a few. I didn't know how to articulate it then in my teen years, but there was something beautiful about those few little pieces of grass, something right. A "perfect" clean sidewalk seemed fake to me... contrived. Like I was trying. Now I am older and I've lost that simple sensibility. I have found myself striving and eventually just breaking and condemning myself for the little shards left here and there. When I look back at the boy who had this instinctive grasp on something that the man has lost, I yearn for that simplicity again. So I'm broken, like a bowl dropped from the counter, but I also can be put back together with gold lamé. That's what I'm doing now. I don't really know how to do it, but that is welcome in the process... in this process.