Narcissistic abuse in many ways is more damaging because it is a slow process of being devalued. This often means we don't see what's happening until we are in the full struggle. Feeling often helpless and hopeless. We don't have to stay there though. Find the people that will be there for you.
We're often referred to as the problem child or the screw up and we're blamed for everything. This doesn't end in childhood. It will continue until someone, probably the scapegoat themselves ends the cycle. The family knowing or not cannot let their voice be heard because it could shatter the illusion they have created.
Unfortunately many toxic people are highly intelligent and educated. This makes them that much harder to spot often. They seem like they are intelligent and aware and they are. They are also toxic though and know how to use everything against us. This is another reason it takes time to build good healthy relationships.
The nuances of toxic relationships are extremely subtle and hard to understand unless you've been through it. Even then, it's hard to actually understand what happened. This makes it even harder to talk to anyone else or get help because most people simply don't understand. Find people who do understand, we are out there and ready to help!
What's worse is it creates fear of leaving even though there is no connection. Narcissistic abuse traps us with an invisible partner that's never actually available. Leaving is painful even when we see the truth. It requires self compassion and kindness. Allow yourself all that you need to get out and move forward with your life!
Many of us try to get people to understand what actually happened when the smear campaign starts. Many or most people won't listen unfortunately. Facing this reality sucks and there's no easy way to deal with it. The only thing we really can do is move on with our lives and let these people go.
Far too many people try to get help from the people who are supposed to be there for help. Only to get arrested or have their lives turned upside down worse than they were already. It doesn't happen all the time, but it does happen unfortunately. This is another reason we need good people we can trust in our lives.
We’re already a month into the new year. No matter how much you’ve gotten done or not, it’s important to recognize how far you’ve come from last year. Even if that was making it through the year, that’s still a huge accomplishment. Take the time to acknowledge yourself and your progress and keep moving forward!
After being gaslit for years we lose trust in our thoughts and intuition. It happens slowly over time and this is the same way we must gain it back. This isn't something we can wait for, we must do the work to regain it. It's not easy, but that's one of the steps in getting your life back and you're worth it!
One of my absolute favorite things about patrolling on nights is the opportunity to shut all the lights down and ride the lift in the dark after everything is closed. We were absolutely spoiled last night with this beautiful moon with a distinct circle around it. Absolutely gorgeous and a perfect beautiful night!
They literally create and reinforce the trauma bond to trap us in their nightmare. They hurt us and then are there to comfort us. We are trained to go to them for support and they isolate us to perpetuate this cycle. This is another reason we need other people in our lives to help us break this cycle.
Grief is never easy to face or to go through. We will be stuck in it in some ways until we allow ourselves to work through and release it. Even if it's dull and in the background. Allowing ourselves to feel and process it allows us to move forward in our lives in many ways that aren't possible while holding onto it.
Narcissists may seem similar to psychopaths, but they’re definitely different even if it’s subtle. The common theme is neither one cares about anyone else. Narcissists feel shame about the things they get caught doing or the way they’re perceived, but psychopaths don’t have the shame. Both are bad news!
Narcissists target their victims and attack them in private where no one else will see it. If it's done in public it will be done quietly so no one else sees the attack. They continue to show their shiny exterior to everyone else to hide who they truly are. Even if no one else saw it, it still happened!
If you call a narcissist out as a narcissist this will bring an entire new level of anger, rage and vindictiveness. I don't recommend doing this under any circumstance at all. We are often looking for understanding or closure, which probably won't happen. You can learn, grow and heal yourself. Focus on you and your life!
Leaving a narcissist will make them angry and they will probably try to destroy you, your character and credibility. They're probably doing this already and will now do more of it. It doesn't matter if they don't want you anymore, they need you to want them. They will definitely blame you for all of this as well though.
Most of us question if we are the narcissist in a relationship especially if and after the actual narcissist accuses us. Most often if we are trying to fix and work on things and we’re accountable for our actions. If we actually care about people, not just our image, most likely we're not a narcissist.
We often shame or judge ourselves for grieving the loss of a relationship with a narcissist. The reality is there are many layers of grief for us, even if it was all fake or a setup for them. It was still real for us. Allow the emotions, process them and allow yourself the kindness and compassion that you offer everyone else. You deserve it too!
Why can’t we just get over it?! Because we gave them everything, lost everything including ourselves in the process of loving them with everything we had! Now we are starting over in the ashes of the life we thought we had knowing we will never get the closure we want, while they move on to new supply. That’s why!!!
Complete accountability is really important for us. It’s not healthy when it’s used against us though. We get to own everything for ourselves, but so does everyone else. Nothing is ever completely our fault even if we take accountability for all of our actions. Make sure you own your part, but not theirs!
