It's always good news if and when we can see any of our dysfunctions. We all have them in one way or another. We can't change anything we're unaware of. Allow yourself to be grateful for the awareness. Then we can allow ourselves to change what we want to when we're ready to.
The attempt at the things we want to do is the most important thing. We may not know if it was good or not until long after. The attempt also allows us to get better at doing everything. We will never know unless and until we try. Give yourself the credit for all the things you try no matter what and always be kind to you along the way!
This may be one of the thoughts we have or even say when we begin spotting toxic people and seeing them for who they really are. I don't necessarily recommend actually saying this to them. It just causes drama we don't need in our lives, but sometimes it good to get it out of our system. Keep yourself safe if you do this though.
Narcissists live in an illusion that they try to project on everyone to hide who they really are. They don't want anything or anyone to shatter this illusion. The more we watch their behavior, the more it shows who they really are. We don't have to play their games or live in their illusion. Choose yourself and protect your peace!
It's not logical someone would take joy in hurting others. Unfortunately narcissists enjoy watching us suffer. It's not right or ok, but it's true with most of them. You do not need people like this in your life and you don't have to participate. Find people who celebrate you, not your suffering.
Accountability and looking in the mirror at ourselves often only really hurts because of the shame and judgement we feel. This not only comes from society, but we often perpetuate this on ourselves. Without shame and judgement everything is simply experiences we can learn and grow from.
Toxic people project everything they do onto everyone else. Amidst the chaos and confusion they create it's sometimes hard to see that they are doing this. Once we see it, it's hard not to see. Until then, go easy on yourself for not spotting it sooner. We only see and understand things when we do and we can't force it any sooner.
So many of us have so much shame that is holding us back in our lives. Learning to allow it to surface and then to release it is life altering. It allows us to move forward from things we didn't realize we were stuck in. It also allows new levels of peace and love in ourselves that we all deserve!
Subtle emotional abuse and manipulation is not easy to understand even when we see it in the beginning. It takes time to see what's actually happening. The important thing is we did figure it out or are figuring it out. The most important thing is to be kind to ourselves through the process. This allows us the clarity to move forward with our lives.
Narcissists don't usually give an actual apology. It's always something like, "I'm sorry you feel that way" or something similar. The only possible exception is if it will make them look good to other people. If it doesn't seem sincere, it's probably not. Focus on you and what you need and give it to yourself.
Cutting people out of our lives is never easy. It's even harder the longer they've been in our lives. I think it's much more of a practice and a process than anything we ever get perfect. Give yourself the credit for continuing to learn better boundaries and hold them.
We all want the easy route. I get it. I don't want to do the work either. The reality is that we don't get through things without doing the work. It's essential to find and release the resistance to why we don't want to do the work. Then we can move forward into the life we truly want to build and have.
There's so much shame and judgement and negativity in the world already. We don't need to add any more to it or keep anyone that's negative in our lives. It doesn't mean we necessarily need to cut them off. We can choose to spend more time with positive, supportive people though. Most of all allow time and kindness for yourself!
They train and program us into isolation. Once we're there, in many ways it becomes more and more difficult to really know how bad our lives are. This is what they want. They can then do or say anything they want without us hearing that it's not ok. None of this is ok or healthy! Find support from people who care. They're out there!
Choosing ourselves is one of the hardest things for most people to do. When we decide to let go of others it's even harder, especially if they won't let go and let us grow. Their resistance to us moving forward causes many of their own issues I think. Resistance in ourselves never works out well.
Even if they were to or are treating us better, it doesn't change the way they treated us in the relationship. We don't have to forgive or allow anyone back into our lives that has abused us no matter what anyone else says. The most important thing is for us to heal, love ourselves and move forward with our lives.
It’s not just delivering the message or communicating. It’s how do I do this without adding anymore shame and judgement to what I’m saying. That’s one of the hardest things to do and it’s one of the absolute most important things we could ever do. No one needs any more shame or judgement in their lives.
It’s heartbreaking to have to make the choice to cut anyone out of our lives, especially if we love them. Choosing ourselves, our peace and our health makes that choice a little less hard. It’s still not easy. I continue to work on myself and heal and my hope is the same for everyone, so that no one ever has to make that choice about us.
After abuse, we don't trust anyone!! This is helpful I think in the beginning while we heal. After that though, it just keeps everyone out including healthy people we may want in our lives. This is why doing the work to heal is so important. It's the only way to truly be free. Take the time and do the work!
We all deserve love, compassion and kindness from our partners. If this isn’t something we’re receiving and they aren’t actively actually working on giving you those things. It’s probably time to think about what you actually want and if you want to stay in that kind of relationship.
