It's brutal and confusing. What's worse is that most people don't realize they are in a battle until the damage has been done. When you finally see it, the pain increases because you can't not see it anymore. You can still heal, no matter where you are or what you've been through. Find support and people who understand.
They're going to hate us no matter what. The best we can do is stay busy and avoid them. Avoid lying to them by being or looking busy. Ultimately getting out of the relationship is the best, but I realize that's not easy for anyone. Allow yourself some extra kindness through the process. We are all doing the best we can through an impossible situation.
Narcissists think we owe them and are entitled to everything they want and more. They think their mere presence makes us owe them even more. This is a lie in the illusion they live in. We don't owe anyone anything. We don't have to buy into their illusion or participate in it. We can opt out and focus on our lives!
We simply can't warn anyone that is the new target of our narcissistic ex even if we want to. Most people simply won't listen and their experience of them is much different than ours even if it's similar. They may listen in time, but most often not until they see it and experience it for themselves.
The more we forgive narcissists, the more permission they think they have to take even more. They don't and won't feel bad about it even if they give a half way apology. This is only to reinforce them being able to do what they want. The more we forgive, the more they also feel entitled to this forgiveness too. It's not ok and it's not right, but it is how they think about it.
Narcissists make every single decision we make "wrong" in one way or another. No decision we make is "right" according to them. They will shame, judge and berate us for everything we do. This leaves us questioning and avoiding making any decisions for the fear of being wrong. Learning to trust ourselves again is a process and a practice. Take the time and find the support to do the work to heal and move forward with your life!
We don't actually have to do anything with our emotions when they show up. It is essential to allow ourselves to feel them though. We can allow the emotions to surface and simply be there. Then we can process them and release them.
The more peace we have in our lives, the more of all of the old thoughts and emotions begin showing up in our lives. This is a good sign that you've let go of a lot of things and are moving forward. It can alarm us because we're so used to the chaos of the day, rather than the past. Know that nothing has gone wrong and simply continue working through the new, or old thoughts and emotions showing up.
Narcissists overwhelm us in many ways and it's all on purpose. The more overwhelmed we are, the more control they have over us and our lives. They don't want us to have any peace or calm, because we actually see what's happening in the relationship. Calm and peace allows space for us to see past the illusion they've created to trap us.
All narcissists push boundaries, but it looks very different in every situation with every person. They also change how they push boundaries especially if you call them out on it. They won't stop pushing boundaries, they will just find another way to do it. Just because they back off for a moment, doesn't mean they changed and became better, they didn't! They're just looking for another way to do it that you don't see yet.
The trauma inflicted by a narcissist's calculated emotional and psychological manipulation cuts wounds on our psyche that resist the natural healing of time. Time only allows some of the charge of emotions to lessen, not heal the actual wound. This is why we must actively, consciously do the work to heal. Then we get to move forward with our lives.
Every single narcissist will show up different in every single relationship. They will look different in their next relationship, just as they do with other people. They are literally different people continuously changing, although never for the better. This is why it's so hard to spot them even if we've seen another one like them. It's also why going slow in relationships is essential. It gives them time to show who they really are.
We should feel angry and have all the other emotions. We gave someone everything that only took from us and then demanded more. It's natural for us to have these emotions. It was real for us, even if it was fake for them. We must allow ourselves to feel the way we do in order to process and let go of these emotions. This is part of the path forward for us. It's not easy, but it's worth it and so are you!
Narcissists usually have one target in their lives. This is often the only person that actually sees the abuse. This is why no one else thinks anything is wrong, because it is hidden. They also shame their victims from ever talking to anyone else about anything happening in the relationship. We must break the silence in order to get help and get out of these relationships. Find good people who will listen, they are out there.
Because it is such a slow poison we don’t often notice it until it has engulfed our entire existence. This is why it seems to take so long to recover from it. We slowly work on releasing the poison from our life and our body. We must face many things we didn’t see in order to allow ourselves to release them. In many ways we must allow this poison back into our system as we release it and let it go from our lives. Go easy on yourself and give yourself extra kindness and compassion. This is a major part of the process to move forward with your life.
Narcissists are in every single different profession unfortunately. We get to spot and avoid them just like we do in every other area of our lives. The hard part is they have learned to say all the right things in some professions. Of course this is used against us as usual. It's simply another thing to be aware of and when we find one, run the other way.
Narcissists will go to therapy, but never to get better or heal or not be abusive. They go to learn more language and ways to manipulate and abuse us. They will also go to couples therapy to use the therapist to abuse us. It's all a trap they try to lure us into. If you have any question about the relationship, go get support for yourself, by yourself.
Toxic people will talk in generalities and circles around any issues that they are confronted with or questioned about. They will also be super specific when talking about other people's struggles. It's another double standard which reinforces the illusion they live in. We don't have to play their games or live in their illusions though.
Here we go. Seems legit.
Narcissistic abuse in many ways is more damaging because it is a slow process of being devalued. This often means we don't see what's happening until we are in the full struggle. Feeling often helpless and hopeless. We don't have to stay there though. Find the people that will be there for you.
