Nostr is a fucking bubble. Cypherpunks need Solarpunks and that's the reality of it. I feel like I need to figure out the bridge... But to be honest this culture here is too stiff and disconnected from heart and funnily enough NOT open minded enough to allow for truly wholistic whole systems integration of what the truth the life and the way require toward a hopeful liberated future. Solarpunks also have their own predispotsitions toward Bitcoin and energy and more. I do want to use my creative life force to figure these types of conundrums for the highest and best good but I am also at the end of my rope... I am in survival mode, root chakra is sucking up all the limited supply of nutrients and there's no much that can flow upwards, it's just what it is and this place is just my closet, mostly the void, place for the venting valve to be released... I am open to support and solutions however. There's vast amounts of untapped talent potential ready to be sourced and flow with a little bit of nourishment in solid earth.

GM 🌞 I deserve to be here and so do you.

My cousin always sends me the best birthday wishes. Super thoughtfull and personal. And this year feels extra special. Grateful for the people in my life who love me. ❤️

Today was a good day because I received a call from my niece who sang happy birthday to me. We talked a while. Tomorrow is the last day of school and the day of the child in Bulgaria. She is excited her favorite cousin is coming in a month from Germany and also dreading she will be going to summer school activities for another month. But she will be practicing not getting picked up and walking to the park with her friend after her school day where her mom will meet her. Eventually she went to shower to get ready for bed and I continued to talk to my sister who was attempting to prop me up giving me a pep talk trying to motivate me to believe in myself... Then we touched a sad topic and I was reminded I was grieving my cousin just the last couple of days. His birthday would be tomorrow. He passed away at 18 now 16 years ago. He was the most pure little precious soul all of us were absolutely in love with. 😭 It could have gone deeper and more tender... But we were interrupted as her husband arrived back home with a brand new neon bike for the day of the child for my niece. I was more than stoked to witness her coming out of the shower absolutely flabbergasted and completely elated about the surprise waiting for her in the living room. Super precious. ❤️🥹

Someone just shared this song with me. I am crying. 🥹

Saw a friend... She held space... Listened... We dropped in. It was noirshing. She still works at the mushroom company but they still don't have any openings... In fact, they've been cutting down... Keeping it a lean team... She's going to bring me a bottle tomorrow, only with lions mane and psilocybin. I asked. I could really benefit from some mocrodosing at this moment. She is happy to contribute to my healing this way. I am grateful. She is also going to part with her copy of a Gratitude book that really uplifted her in a challenging time when she was put through the ringer 15 years ago. I give thanks every day but I am open to deepen and get into some morning evening ritual space. Or read as much before I get back on the road if I do. Been trying to lighten my load with little success, so will see where the book fits in.

Bday party at the lake.

Saw my friend Will as I was arriving... He was like "Diyana..." I literally couldn't recognize him "Ryan?" 😆 "No, it's Wilie, Didi." Met his son for the second time but I hadn't seen him since he became a father. We have prayed many Ayahuasca journeys together. Later on the lake after realizing it's my bday he said "Oh, I have a peach in my car... What car did you come with? If I end up leaving earlier I am gonna leave a peach on your car 🍑" Sweet peachy bday to me. Thx Will! 😃

It was my friend's birthday party on my birthday... I've been really at a low point and kinda dragged myself there... wasn't in a hurry to be on time and figured I'd just stay for an hour and wanna retreat into hermit mode... It turns out it was the best thing I could have done for myself today. 🥹

How do you end a chapter, you know is way past due.... but the way forward is not clear?