Damnit, I just came up with a Fahrvergnügen joke but there's nowhere to put it

WHEN THEY WANT ME TO CRUMPLE THE PAPER AND THROW IT AWAY I FRAME IT AND SURROUND IT WITH GOLD DOILIES INSTEAD

'Yes Babe, even in the zombie robot apocalypse.' Doesn't seem like such a throwaway comment now, does it?

After a rambling spiel that spans incredible time, variety, and territory, including complex processes, ingredients, formulas, and compounds, at a pace absorbable by no one, the dispensary salesman comments, "But some people ignore all that and say, 'just give me whatever.'" After a pause, he added what would explain the rationalization that keeps him: "Because they don't understand their bodies."

WHEN I AM ASKED HOW AM I DOING? I ALWAYS SAY 'ABOVE AVERAGE' ALWAYS

CEASE, DESIST! AS A PRINCIPLED LIBERTARIAN, I CLAIM DEMONSTRABLE HARM TO BE REMEDIED BY APPROPRIATELY CORRELATIVE MONETARY DAMAGES EACH TIME ANYONE WORLDWIDE (herein "YOU") USES THE EVANESCENT ILLUSORY INSTRUMENT COLLOQUIALLY REFERENCED "USD" It hurts, bro

Conspiracy Theorist: "Sometimes rich people do bad things and then use their money to cover it up." Person You Accept As Thought Leader in Your Community: "Not possible, stupid to think about. You pathologically don't understand reality, are a danger, and ought be socially marginalized on a vague emotional basis, sans formal investigation." You, proudly and courageously defending free thought as an impartial 3rd party: "I'm not a conspiracy theorist or anything, but I don't necessarily advocate automatic robot executioners for anyone who ever googled a 3rd party candidate... yet. Don't get me wrong, i'm not risking a feeling of not being accepted over it or anything. Haha. Ha. Huh. Hrm."

I don't trust the machines to count the vote. - Sent from my iphone

What's the difference between an elephant and a giraffe? Serious question, and hurry, I'm in a hostage situation and this kid looks like he means business

FUCK POETRY

person I dont like posts social observation "OH JUST VICARIOUSLY LET ME EXPERIENCE YOUR JUDGMENTAL LOW IQ GUESSES" person I like posts picture of dog " Absolutely adorable. You know it's so gratifying and refreshing, just to see, *where you are*. Live Laugh Love is more than words friend."

Abolish the income tax and replace the revenue by using the mouths of the Spygate cronies as putt putt golf holes. For fun, of course. Because I endorse family entertainment.

Actually, the burden of proof is on those who deny the straightforward explanation that changing or accessorizing one's appearance is correlated with dishonesty.

I am the Donald Trump of sausage biscuits.

LET'S SEE HERE WHAT DO I HAVE LEFT THREE BANANAS, THREE APPLES, AND ONE GFY WHAT'LL IT BE FOR YOU KIDS

YOUR AUTHENTIC, UNCENSORED ABANDON IS DISTRACTING CHILD'S PLAY. LEAVE ME TO THE APPEARANCES I AM KEEPING UP, SPECIFICALLY THAT I OCCUPY A MORE DESIRABLE HEIRARCHICAL POSITION THAN THE LIKES OF YOU, SO FOOLISHLY EXPERIENCING LIFE MORE FULLY, WITH FEWER ARBITRARY DISTORTIVE LENSES. IT WILL BE DIFFICULT TO UPHOLD A CIVILIZED REPUTATION WHILST 'DANCING' AS YOU DO. EAGERLY I WILL AWAIT YOUR ILLUMINATING MEMOIRS AS INSTRUCTIVE OF MY FUTURE ADVENTURES IN SIMILARLY IGNORING ALL TRADITION, CONVENTION.

You made my generation's culture Taco Bell Sauce Packets and you want me to pay taxes?

Do it today, for tomorrow is never promised. Except groceries, same reason

MY AUTONOMICALLY SUPPRESSED TESTOSTERONE LEVELS ARE A PUBLIC SERVICE. YOUR WORLD IS NOT READY FOR THESE

Worse than watching my peers cheer on the rapidly encroaching control grid, happily ushering in the fascistic panopticon, devolving our once proud shared cultural fabric of traditions into a daily struggle to guide children to daylight, and away from screens, would be a sad delusion that it might be tolerable with more pot. That said, Imma smoke this and see what I figure out.