This is one of the most disgusting things one human can say to another. This says I don't give a shit about who you are, I don't give a shit about your dreams, I don't give a shit about your accomplishments. All I care about is how you can service me. Absolute fucking trash.

You can’t make someone care about you. You can’t make someone care about you. You can’t make someone care about you. You can’t make someone care about you. You can’t make someone care about you. You can’t make someone care about you. You can’t make someone care about you. You can’t make someone care about you. You can’t make someone care about you. You can’t make someone care about you. ...Let them go.

Yup

Modern day motherhood is miserable and that's why fewer women are choosing it. If you want women to chose it, make it less miserable. Why is it miserable? Because we are doing it all wrong. One woman alone in a house with small children all day is torture. That’s not how humans work. Humans are designed to live in a pack and raise children communally. If we want women to not be miserable raising kids, then we need to bring that community back. We need to take all that burden off them and share it around so that they can continue to be normal humans. If women have to give up all that they are to have kids, then a lot of them will chose not to have kids.

I think I've been to 20 different countries. Is that impressive or are those rookie numbers?

I love the idea of men as protectors, it’s a task that they are generally well suited to. Men in general are taller, have more upper body strength, etc. And a very honorable thing to do with physical strength is to protect others. However, men actually doing protecting is pretty rare, at least in my life experience. The most common way that a man, who in theory wants to be a protector, fails to protect, is by not believing that there is a threat to protect from. I have known so many men in my life that I’m pretty sure are not predators themselves, and who in many areas of life are decent and reasonable people, that for some reason shut down on this topic. Unfortunately, being sexually assaulted is very much the norm for women in the world. It has certainly been my experience in life, and also the experience for nearly 100% of the women that I know. And it’s not just anecdotal data here, there are just mountains and mountains of studies that all tell this story as well. The evidence is overwhelming. When I talk to these men about these things I do not accuse them personally of any wrong doing. I do not say ugly things about men in general. I do not advocate the removal of any rights from men. When I am talking to these men I am looking for understanding, but that seems to be the one thing they can’t give. They just shut down and go into defense mode and I don’t know why. So if you have any idea, please please tell me, why are there so many seemingly decent men out there who can not/will not see this reality? What is going on here?

This is not what a man looks like. This is someone who has intentionally, with all consuming dedication, cartoonified themselves for the entertainment of others. No doubt it’s impressive, and very eye catching! 👀 But very likely, for most women, not really that attractive. This dude is no fun. This guy will not join you on a wild night out and do shots and then have tacos. This guy will make your child together cry on their 5th birthday when he refuses to eat a piece of the birthday cake. You’ll never see this guy as he’s at the gym 3 hrs a day. He’s pretty miserable. Most women are going to want men that look like real men.

For a while the BDSM scene has been confusing to me, and a bit concerning. But, after many books and conversations, I think I understand why this exists. But first, a few very important disclaimers: Consenting adults can do whatever the fuck they want in the bedroom. I am not trying to say that people shouldn’t do these things, or even that they are unhealthy things to do. There clearly seems to be some therapeutic benefit. And I am of course speaking in broad generalities here. Humans are complex, people do these things for a wide variety of reasons. So let’s go with a typical setup here, a heterosexual pairing with a woman playing the sub role and a man playing the dom role. Alice and Bob. Alice was brought up in a time and place that taught her that women’s sexuality either didn’t exist, or was very shameful. Because of this sex and shame became fused in her head. Not at all helping this situation is her experiences with sexual abuse. Alice was sexually abused by a close male family member for a time during her adolescence. So not only are sex and shame fused in her head, she also has a hard time differentiating between sex, violence, and love. For her sex is difficult to experience without the themes of violence and shame and a power imbalance. When dealing with trauma people often do ‘reenactment’ where they attempt to recreate the stories, but this time with a different ending. Or sometimes they recreate in an attempt to process what happened and change their relationship to it. Alice seeks out interactions with BDSM doms and presents them with a list of her boundaries. A 3 page detailed list of things that are a hard no, things that are a soft no, and things that she’s comfortable with. This formality helps her to regain a sense of control over sexual interactions. Bob was an awkward and sensitive kid. His mother was erratic, at times manipulative or even abusive. She terrified him, he had no idea how to interact with her let alone connect to her. And as he entered adolescence this fear of his mother extended to women in general. Bob has generally not done very well with the ladies. He doesn’t know what to say or to do, he has no idea what they do or don’t want from him. He desperately wants them, but has no idea how to go about connecting with them. He feels as if he is a cocaine addict and women are people who unknowingly walk around all day with a briefcase of cocaine handcuffed to their wrist and ignore him. After a long dry spell Bob began to dabble in the BDSM world. He seeks out women to play the sub role. The formality of these relationships gives him some clarity in a situation that otherwise baffles him. And playing the dom role gives him a sense of control over an act whose absence has felt like constant humiliation. A BDSM interaction gives them both space to work through these things.

A lot of people think they like direct communication, but what they actually like is not having to do the work of being considerate, and they don't like it when someone hands them the raw truth without consideration.

On a scale of 1-10, how would you rate your interpersonal conflict resolution skills?

You are a slave to the “Egregore” until you have learned to see the egregore. I am so sorry, humans are not the independent creatures that you want them to be. You are not the independent creature that you want to be. I am not the independent creature that I want to be. And it gets worse! The less aware of this issue we are, the more it controls us. The more you think you are above the impacts of “culture” the more susceptible to it you are. Now at this point you might be feeling what I’ve often felt when wrestling with this issue, perhaps you’re thinking “Hey, I’m not an automaton, I have free will!” And of course you are right. But you are a limited creature, very effected by and formed by your surroundings, that is developing free will. And the less you are aware of the limits of your biology, the more you are chained to it. Humans are, fundamentally, inseparably, at our very essence, down to the neurons in our brains, social creatures. This is fact. I could send you a library of evidence. We literally absorb and mirror some of the thought patters of those we spend a lot of time with, for example depression is contagious. The ideas we are surrounded by and the things we experience as a child literally forms the structure of our brains. Our social-ness, our ability to form tribes, this is the human survival technique. We are not bigger, we are not stronger, we are not faster. In some ways we are more intelligent, but not in other ways. We have survived by forming groups. One human vs one tiger and the human is lunch. Ten humans vs one tiger and the tiger is lunch. This is essential to the human species. The egregore, the collective unconscious is our survival technique. Our ability to do this is why we still exist. Only through the understanding of this reality do we gain independence from it. We become independent creatures when we realize that we have not been. We gain independence from the egregore when we learn to see it. So it’s not a question of if culture comes from people or people come from culture… it’s a dance between the two. And the more we are aware of the dance, the more we can lead it.  And it's so, so important that we see this reality as it is very much used against us. Language triggers tribal feelings. We all, yes even you, have exclusion panic baked deep into our brains. Seeing this and knowing how to use it is the special skill of politicians and marketeers. We will not be free from this manipulation until we have learned to see the egregore. So this is really a massive, MASSIVE, issue. It's the next phase in human evolution! The egregore got us to where we are now, and now we need to evolve past it.

Women do not have legal equality until they have full bodily autonomy. Yes that means no bans on abortion. To be clear here, I am not ‘pro-abortion’. Never was there ever an abortion that wasn’t a tragedy. But it’s pretty clear, if you are not pregnant, then this is not your decision to make. Pregnant women are the only ones with the rights to make those very tough decisions. People in fancy suits hundreds of miles away have no right to make such difficult, nuanced, and personal decisions for another person. It is a wild trampling on freedom for them to attempt to. God/The Universe/Biology gave this burden and responsibility to women. We need to respect that, and respect women’s decision making.