"If I'd been there when the Wehrmacht and the Red Army fought over my country like two junkies finding twenty bucks it wouldn't have gone down like it did."

The people were outraged at his doctrine. (B-cups best cups.) They hated yockeypuck because he spoke the truth.

If you kill yourself with carbs it's not technically suicide.

"18,359 COMMUNIST CHINESE could be here," he thought. "I've never been outside the Beltway before. There could be 18,359 COMMUNIST CHINESE anywhere." The cool wind felt horrible against his neovagina. "I HATE 18,359 COMMUNIST CHINESE" he thought. Glenn Beck reverberated the entire Acela first class car, making it pulsate even as the $17 Australian wine circulated through his withered diseased veins and washed away his (merited) fear that the chicoms weren't the real problem. "With Amtrak, you can travel comfortably anywhere you want" he said to himself, out loud.

Life is a goon cave and my hog needs greasing.

Mom when you took your new iPhone out on Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Boulevard.

When you go to American McDonald's looking for a ginger wife.

Thinking about the word "neighbor" again, and how the one thing it cannot possibly mean is "literally everybody," and that is the meaning we are told it has.

I need you to go to to Tucson and adopt Paul.

yuh-oh

Yeah I'm interested in the 2024 GOP debate (GIRLS OF POAST)

Is she okay?

me eating pidzer

Grinding away on work shit while the cat is curled up in his chair by my desk, snoring.

Medical Assistance in Dating

The woke left have lost their marbles.