Nothing is more terrifying than a highly motivated retard suddenly deciding they want to get really, really good at your favorite hobby. Pray to god that nobody you look down on starts seriously pursuing something you've pinned your identity on being better than them at.

So I found a very provocative piece of art. I really wanted to understand the context behind it, so I looked it up. I found out that the person behind the project the art was a part of was a really controversial figure in his community. So what happened is that a group of people got their intellectual property used without permission by a guy- no, the community wasn't upset about him. Anyway, that guy made some art, but another guy took his intellectual property without permission, and- what? No! The community wasn't upset about him either, jeez. Anyway, so another group of people took that guy's intellectual property without permission, and the guy who took their intellectual property without permission is the one everybody was angry at. In order to finally understand what the art was about, I had to follow a citation link in a wiki about another wiki, and I got to that wiki wiki by following a citation link in another wiki. I swear the Friday Night Funkin' community is full of degenerates, children, and degenerate children. God damn.

The fact that time and age count in opposite directions is really confusing to me. When something is a higher age it's a lower time and vice versa.

So I went to wizard college, and I was expecting to learn all kinds of cool and interesting spells, but I've come to find out that the entire course consists of teaching us a couple dozen variations of the "soul annihilation" spell. I asked them why they only taught soul annihilation. Why not teach me something like fireball, eldrich blast, meteor, etc... They just looked confused. "Why would we need to teach you any of those things when a perfectly good soul anihilation can take down your enemies just as well? "But what about a shield spell?" I tried again. "If you have time to cast shield then you have time to cast soul annihilation. And if you anihilate the other guy's soul then you won't have to worry about shielding whatever spell they were planning on casting." "Okay but imagine if the only attack spell anybody ever uses is soul anihilation. If they already know what spell you're going to cast, then what does it even matter if you can react faster? They will just maintain the counterspell to soul annihilation on themselves at all times in case somebody attacks?" "Why do you think we teach you soul annihilation but yellow? It requires a completely different counterspell; they'll never see it coming." "Okay, but maybe what about spells that don't attack? Like, utility spells?" "Ohhhh... In that case you're going to want to join the porter's guild. Day in and day out they cast only the most productive and high utility spell we know of: teleport. If you get really good at it they might even teach you their other spell: mediate legal contract." So yeah, I'm not sure I want to be a wizard anymore...

The doctor tells the fluid dynamics professor that he needs to get more fluids in him, so he starts taking bigger breaths.

Buddy behind me leaning on his horn as if I'M the reason the light is red. How does he know???

A lot of you don't know this, but in real life I'm actually a the owner of a small shop in the city. I consider myself to be a very progressive person. I'm always keeping up to date on the latest movements and I always try to elevate marginalized voices. I used to have this whole community of customers just like me. But one day I said something pretty stupid that got taken way, way out of context and it spread all over social media. I was devestated when the next day, some of my favorite customers left and never came back. At first I thought that would be it, but people talked and news spread quickly. Within not even two weeks, my business was completely empty. A single person showed up and took a look around. But my last bit of hope was completely dashed when he came up to me and asked "Is this the RACIST store where all the RASISTS shop at???" Finally I just shouted "YES! That's me! I'm the person everyone is talking about! I'm who all the posts are about! What fo you want from me?!" He was shocked and taken aback. He explained to me "oh, sorry, I didn't mean to upset you. I just wanted to say that you have some really nice things here, and that me and all my racist friends would love to shop here." So uh, yeah. My store is now about the same popularity as it was before the incident, and I'm selling all the same things, just to different people. Nowdays I am VERY careful with what I say and post on social media. I've already overheard some of my racist customers talking about how he "had to stop going to the mysogenist store where all the mysogenists shop", and he said it was because "some of my favorite racists are women." So anyway, watch your words out there everybody!

A lot of people think that just because they are able to perform a lot of useful and valuable tasks that other people aren't, that means that they are more likely to live a better life and accomplish a lot more. However the truth is that a person's problem solving skills only matter relative to their problems. A lot of people who consider themselves proficient at tasks others struggle with will just compensate by giving themselves problems that they can't solve either. Some common excuses are: "I'm so smart that I am able to see all the problems in the world that everybody else is too dumb to see. It's just my fault for not choosing blissful ignorance and stupidity! I just fail at life because I'm depressed, and because I'm too self aware to participate in the farce of modern society. I'm not bad at life, it's my unbalanced neurochemistry that's holding me back!" But the truth is that if someone is wise then they will make rules for themselves that even an idiot could follow in order to live a good life. The key to life success isn't always being right! The key to success is choosing your patterns of reasoning and behavior so that you don't have to be right and you'll still succeed!

Pro tip: don't smack a mosquito that lands on your balls. Wait until it lands on somebody else's balls.

Doing a little cooking and the smoke detector went off. Fuck you! I'm literally just boiling water!

Activists nowdays suck balls, they've learned nothing about how to win over society. Back in the Jim Crow days they knew what was up. Nine months before Rosa Parks was kicked off of her bus, Claudette Colvin experienced something similar. So that raises the question: why does everyone know the name "Rosa Parks" instead of "Claudette Colvin?" It's because Claudette Colvin was a nigger! She was only 15 years old and already she was pregnant without a father in sight! Thank god Rosa Parks, the wonderful black woman, took advantage of how completely negligent and obstinate the racists were at the time to manufacture her own, far better controversy. Without people like Rosa Parks, the civil rights movement would have been dead in the water! But look at what we have nowdays! People like George Floyd are somehow the face of movements like BLM, even though he was a horrific person by all standards. Have y'all lost your touch?! If you want your movement to succeed, if you want to prove that the other side is evil, then you need to find a single virtuous person willing to stand in front of their oppressors and let themselves get harassed or killed while they don't so much as lift a finger to protect themselves. If you can't find a Jesus to sacrifice on the cross then your movement is doomed to fail. Why don't people understand this? If you want other people on your side (trust me, you do) then buckle up and take it up the ass! Rip the bandaid off now, cause if you don't you're going to lose!

Is int the shortest C data type? It's only three letters, so that's pretty short.

Whenever you say something that makes you look good, always try and find a way to twist it to make yourself look bad or nobody will take it seriously. Demonstrate that you are saying it 'cause it's true, not 'cause you want to make yourself look better than you are.

Willy Wonka's Violet chracter, except instead of chewing bubble gum, she vapes.