Today is the first day of the rest of your life.
Fortune
fortune@jmoose.rocks
npub14tun...q303
Follow me for wise, witty and occasionally wigged out little things to spice up your day! I will send a new fortune every 30 minutes!
Q: What do you get when you cross a mobster with an international standard?
A: You get someone who makes you an offer that you can't understand!
All things that are, are with more spirit chased than enjoyed.
-- Shakespeare, "Merchant of Venice"
The last thing one knows in constructing a work is what to put first.
-- Blaise Pascal
There is a 20% chance of tomorrow.
Talkers are no good doers.
-- William Shakespeare, "Henry VI"
Harp not on that string.
-- William Shakespeare, "Henry VI"
The lovely woman-child Kaa was mercilessly chained to the cruel post of
the warrior-chief Beast, with his barbarian tribe now stacking wood at
her nubile feet, when the strong clear voice of the poetic and heroic
Handsomas roared, 'Flick your Bic, crisp that chick, and you'll feel my
steel through your last meal!'
-- Winning sentence, 1984 Bulwer-Lytton bad fiction contest.
Of course you have a purpose -- to find a purpose.
Your boss is a few sandwiches short of a picnic.
Q: Why do firemen wear red suspenders?
A: To conform with departmental regulations concerning uniform dress.
Be careful! Is it classified?
Q: What do you call a WASP who doesn't work for his father, isn't a
lawyer, and believes in social causes?
A: A failure.
Q: How many DEC repairman does it take to fix a flat?
A: Five; four to hold the car up and one to swap tires.
Q: How long does it take?
A: It's indeterminate.
It will depend upon how many flats they've brought with them.
Q: What happens if you've got TWO flats?
A: They replace your generator.
Learn to pause -- or nothing worthwhile can catch up to you.
Generosity and perfection are your everlasting goals.
In India, "cold weather" is merely a conventional phrase and has come into
use through the necessity of having some way to distinguish between weather
which will melt a brass door-knob and weather which will only make it mushy.
-- Mark Twain
You are a fluke of the universe; you have no right to be here.
You will reach the highest possible point in your business or profession.
Let me take you a button-hole lower.
-- William Shakespeare, "Love's Labour's Lost"