Good morning. This is the telephone company. Due to repairs, we're giving you advance notice that your service will be cut off indefinitely at ten o'clock. That's two minutes from now.

A penny saved is a penny to squander. -- Ambrose Bierce

Elephant, n.: A mouse built to government specifications.

Your compliance with all terms and conditions, expressed and implied, is automatic upon viewing.

"Yeah, but you're taking the universe out of context."

Well, you know, no matter where you go, there you are. -- Buckaroo Banzai

(null cookie; hope that's ok)

Once again dread deed is done. Canon sleeps, his all-knowing eye shaded to human chance and circumstance. Peace reigns anew o'er Pine Valley, but Canon's sleep is troubled. Beware, scant days past the Ides of July. Impatient hands wait eagerly to grasp, to hold scant moments of time wrested from life in the full glory of Canon's power; held captive by his unblinking eye. Three golden orbs stand watch; one each to toll the day, hour, minute until predestiny decrees his reawakening. When that feared moment arives, "Ask not for whom the bell tolls, It tolls for thee." -- "I extended the loan on your Camera, at the Pine Valley Pawn Shop today"

Laughing at you is like drop-kicking a wounded humming bird.

"Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin." -- Michael O'Donohugh

You must include all income you receive in the form of money, property and services if it is not specifically exempt. Report property (goods) and services at their fair market values. Examples include income from bartering or swapping transactions, side commissions, kickbacks, rent paid in services, illegal activities (such as stealing, drugs, etc.), cash skimming by proprietors and tradesmen, "moonlighting" services, gambling, prizes and awards. Not reporting such income can lead to prosecution for perjury and fraud. -- Excerpt from Taxachussetts income tax forms

HELLO KITTY gang terrorizes town, family STICKERED to death!

Don't shout for help at night. You might wake your neighbors. -- Stanislaw Jerzy Lec, "Unkempt Thoughts"

The savior becomes the victim.

Herth's Law: He who turns the other cheek too far gets it in the neck.

I would like the government to do all it can to mitigate, then, in understanding, in mutuality of interest, in concern for the common good, our tasks will be solved. -- Warren G. Harding

We cannot command nature except by obeying her. -- Sir Francis Bacon

The decision doesn't have to be logical; it was unanimous.

In science it often happens that scientists say, 'You know that's a really good argument; my position is mistaken,' and then they actually change their minds and you never hear that old view from them again. They really do it. It doesn't happen as often as it should, because scientists are human and change is sometimes painful. But it happens every day. I cannot recall the last time something like that happened in politics or religion. -- Carl Sagan, 1987 CSICOP keynote address

A fool-proof method for sculpting an elephant: first, get a huge block of marble; then you chip away everything that doesn't look like an elephant.