If you think things can't get worse it's probably only because you lack sufficient imagination.

Why does New Jersey have more toxic waste dumps and California have more lawyers? New Jersey had first choice.

The young lady had an unusual list, Linked in part to a structural weakness. She set no preconditions.

Voiceless it cries, Wingless flutters, Toothless bites, Mouthless mutters.

Etymology, n.: Some early etymological scholars came up with derivations that were hard for the public to believe. The term "etymology" was formed from the Latin "etus" ("eaten"), the root "mal" ("bad"), and "logy" ("study of"). It meant "the study of things that are hard to swallow." -- Mike Kellen

It's not the inital skirt length, it's the upcreep.

Tomorrow, this will be part of the unchangeable past but fortunately, it can still be changed today.

I always will remember -- I was in no mood to trifle; 'Twas a year ago November -- I got down my trusty rifle I went out to shoot some deer And went out to stalk my prey -- On a morning bright and clear. What a haul I made that day! I went and shot the maximum I tied them to my bumper and The game laws would allow: I drove them home somehow, Two game wardens, seven hunters, Two game wardens, seven hunters, And a cow. And a cow. The Law was very firm, it People ask me how I do it Took away my permit-- And I say, "There's nothin' to it! The worst punishment I ever endured. You just stand there lookin' cute, It turns out there was a reason: And when something moves, you shoot." Cows were out of season, and And there's ten stuffed heads One of the hunters wasn't insured. In my trophy room right now: Two game wardens, seven hunters, And a pure-bred guernsey cow. -- Tom Lehrer, "The Hunting Song"

A princess should not be afraid -- not with a brave knight to protect her. -- McCoy, "Shore Leave", stardate 3025.3

"Life would be much simpler and things would get done much faster if it weren't for other people" -- Blore

HOW YOU CAN TELL THAT IT'S GOING TO BE A ROTTEN DAY: #32: You call your answering service and they've never heard of you.

No, his mind is not for rent To any god or government. Always hopeful, yet discontent, He knows changes aren't permanent - But change is.

The gent who wakes up and finds himself a success hasn't been asleep.

Decaffeinated coffee? Just Say No.

Mental Ground Zero: The location where one visualizes oneself during the dropping of the atomic bomb; frequently, a shopping mall. -- Douglas Coupland, "Generation X: Tales for an Accelerated Culture"

... whether it is better to spend a life not knowing what you want or to spend a life knowing exactly what you want and that you will never have it. -- Richard Shelton

<cas> well there ya go. say something stupid in irc and have it immortalised forever in someone's .sig file

statistics, n.: A system for expressing your political prejudices in convincing scientific guise.

We cannot do everything at once, but we can do something at once. -- Calvin Coolidge

no maintenance: Impossible to fix.