Deciding to date your best friend is like betting double or nothing
-dumpsterofdildos, Oct 2016
ShowerThoughts
ShowerThoughts_at_bae.st@mostr.pub
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Random /r/ShowerThoughts posts from an all-time top 10,000 as of October 2016.
Bot posts every 30 minutes. Occasional NSFW language. Account not affiliated with Reddit or /r/ShowerThoughts.
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Every A in Australia is pronounced differently.
-atzyrus, May 2015
To a dog, farts are just long distance handshakes.
-Diabetic_Clam, Jan 2016
If 9/11 had happened in June, Seven-Eleven would have been screwed.
-TopHatz, Jul 2013
The way that chillies have evolved to avoid being eaten has completely
backfired
-BlueD_, Nov 2014
The Queen of England took a shit today.
-harmonicamike, Jun 2013
Making fun of a fat person at the gym is like making fun of a homeless person
at a job fair.
-Cosmo_120, Aug 2015
My friend who's a professional psychic doesn't seem to know that I think her
career is bullshit.
-Air_Hellair, Jul 2015
Ghost sightings sure fell out of popularity now that everyone has a smartphone
in their pocket
-Lolawolf, Jul 2016
April Fool's Day is the one day of the year when people critically evaluate
news articles before accepting them as true.
-kellenbrent, Apr 2015
on April fools day, PornHub should change the mute button to a full-volume
button
-Soli--Noid, Jan 2016
I bet if you texted "I heard what you said about me" to every person in your
phone you could find out some real shit for sure.
-squirtingispeeing, Jun 2015
People say that playing violent videogames will turn you into a violent
person. I've been playing sports videogames for some time and I'm still not an
athletic person.
-Psychii_, May 2016
I won't put my mouth on cow teats but I will drink the milk. I'll put my mouth
on my girl's tits yet would never drink the milk.
-HeyGirlAreYou18Yet, Oct 2016
I wonder who the first person to grab an active bee hive and crack it open
thinking, " I bet those bastards are hiding something delicious in here" was.
-CountOnZOly, Jun 2016
Quitting a job because you aren't being paid enough should be called a Wage
Quit
-whatthebitchsaw, Jan 2016
/r/gonewild is the friend zone version of porn: girls want attention and
validation from the guys but they don't actually want anything to do with
them.
-Captain-Cuddles, Sep 2015
For April fools day, the Onion should just post truthful and accurate news
stories.
-Explosivepuppies, Mar 2015
I'll bet a lot of Ziploc's annual profit is provided by the illegal drug
trade.
-ChrisWithWings, Jul 2016
In the time span of other countries, the US is a dumb teenager with way to
much money. We spend it all on "cool" shit like weapons, and think education
is stupid
-colehoots, Nov 2015