I met a woman this weekend who worked in the US Army in a psychological operations unit. She tried to tell me that the US “does everything it can to not start wars. We are not China” Her seriousness had me speechless. Her programming was perfectly parroting. Little does she know she was and still is the psychological operation.

Been experimenting with this Melissa spagyric- an alchemical remedy from lemon balm plant. This thing has cracked me open. It is kicking up energy and emotion and its release feels so freeing. I’ve been writing everyday for weeks which I haven’t done in years. The first week I noticed being way more tired and irritable. I was having headaches and nausea, and I felt pressure in my lymph nodes. The second week I have been been crying and expressing things deep inside of me. Admitting things out loud, letting myself be seen and witnessed, realizing I have bypassed a lot of anger by being quick to forgiving.

DAY 10 // If you could go back and take away your hardest times and most painful experiences, would you? I wouldn’t. For I prefer wisdom over comfort. Growth over stagnation. Faith over ease. And authenticity over perfection. Without pain, without adversity, without darkness, there is no catalyst. Evolution requires contrast. So when I’m wishing things were different or easier, I must remind myself that I couldn’t become me if they were different or easier. 🫶🏻

DAY 9 // Quote from The Red Lion Man is the spiritual equinox of the Cosmos. The boundaries of everything meet in him.

DAY 8 // Weightless, a poem🌊 When you’re out there in the water You’re proud to take up space You pull through heavy liquid And feel God’s softness on your face It’s been years of up and down On the scale and in your brain Thinking you failed another time When you see a lot of weight gain The mirrors have grown tired Of catching stares of that shame It gets pretty exhausting Always seeing something that needs change But healing isn’t linear And the female body needs more time It remembers what it’s been through And how much you weigh could never define The woman you have become Transmuting years of pain and frustration I could imagine it gets heavy Carrying that story of complete isolation Some pieces of you Will forever be untold They stay stuffed and hidden And swing your hyper-independence into control That moment in time Still sits deep in your womb Cutting off from vulnerability Means cutting off from love too But out there in the water God restores circulation He sees nothing but perfection And he makes me feel weightless

If the first word someone uses to describe you is “nice”, that’s a major L I’d rather first be described as insane than nice. Nice = boring ???

My older brother asked me what I’m looking for in a partner, and I first mentioned intellect. He said “ah so like Harvard or MIT vibes?” No no no sweet brother. That is indoctrination, not intellect.

DAY 7 // We spend all day consuming external sources of information. We scroll. We look at what everyone in the world is doing. We overwhelm ourselves into nothingness. We give away our time thinking this information is filling us with substance. Our mind is full, but our soul is starving. Our time is gone. Our capacity is reached. Our direction is confused. Our creativity is non-existent. Our sense of self is neglected. Our awareness is outsourced. Our attention is our energy currency. When we spend it on everyone else, we re-affirm that we are not valuable enough to spend it on ourselves. Creation over consumption.

DAY 6 //

DAY 5 // Trying so hard to construct the aligned path and plan means two things 1) you need to justify who and what you are to others 2) you have no faith in God // This is something I’ve noticed in myself this year as I have mostly been traveling and working on little projects here and there. I’ve been living and learning about myself and it’s been extremely beneficial for my growth and development, but I can be met with judgment from others that ask me “when I’m gonna get a real job again”. I love who I’ve been this year, but sometimes the perception of how others view you and what they think of you can tempt you to cling back to the world/lifestyle you walked away from. Because I don’t have clear answers for them on what I’m doing or a way to label myself for them, but I have a deep knowing in myself that the path I’m walking is to be walked. And their understanding is not needed. We all crave to be seen and understood, but I crave to be true to myself more.

DAY 4 // Short little reminder There is good, and there is wholeness, always and everywhere. You are where you need to be always and all the time.

DAY 3 // Spent a lot of hours writing sappy love poems today. Actually very therapeutic and fun lol. // You always loved the mornings Because you preferred dreaming in the light Something about those daily beginnings Always dawned more visions for you than night You let the sunrise cover you With more warmth than our sheets And you preferred the misty air To kiss up on your cheeks The morning earth was your muse More than I ever was The tension between our bodies at night Showed you what settling really does I know why you loved the mornings It freed you from that place Your soul learned to dream with eyes open Rather than inches from my face I knew you were meant for more than me But neither of us would admit it For I was holding you back in life The world told me I was insufficient You tried to bring me with you But my heaviness was hard to lift You wanted me to see the world like you did But sweetheart your inner vision is a gift I’m sorry I could never be enough To keep up with the beauty in that brain Your love stayed for potential While mine simply had nothing more to gain I know why you loved the mornings But maybe now you can love the night You’ll have space to dream in the darkness With just the moon holding you tight I made you into a daydreamer Instead of letting you run free I’m learning to like the mornings, Even if my best ones are behind me.

DAY 2 // Deduction Phase (Part 2)

Challenging myself to get into creation mode over consumption mode over the next 30 days. I want to create something each day. I know I am a creative person, but I often think for too long about perfecting an idea/concept and never end up creating something with it. DAY 1 // Deduction Phase (Part 1)

The USDA just approved use of genetically engineered vaccines in Organic food/livestock🤡🤡🤡 Organic already had problems, but now more than ever it’s time to buy directly from trusted farmers.

I love getting added to people’s close friends stories on Instagram when we are aggressively not close friends

Texas really got me on a wild game fixation. Currently hooked on ground venison and bison organ blends. -Smoked duck pizza w/ peaches -Smoked rabbit rigatoni -Pork Meatballs w/ ricotta gnocchi -Wild boar carnita taquitos Local, farm to table ingredients🫶🏻

Gm If you were about to take your last breath, how much slower and deeper would it be? How much more would you feel and sense in your body as you do so? How much more gratitude and awe would you have for this physical body? Carry that awareness and reverence with you more and more. It is a gift to be here. Slow down and celebrate it.

2 interesting thoughts correlating spirituality, society, & government heard on podcasts recently. 1) when a society falls into atheism, it then falls into totalitarianism. When societies move away from spirituality, that spiritual protection is gone. (Sean Hanlon- BioCharisma) 2) modern society’s comfort, convenience, stability/predictability have created a faithless society. You don’t need faith or to cultivate a trust in a higher power when you don’t have to sit in uncertainty or struggle to sustain your life. (Becoming Sovereign- Nolan Wilson) In my own life, I see that the deeper relationship I have with God, the more sovereignty I desire and the more individual responsibility I feel called to take on. Staying divorced from nature and from God is the best way to keep people in their dependent relationship with government. You can either serve God or serve government.

Irish Celtic women revered morning dew. They believed that dew carried the essence of the morning sun, the moon’s reflection, and the spirit of the land. It is also structured water, and I’m a big water respecter. They used it ceremoniously for beauty and healing. They even have a specific day on May 1st (Bealtaine / May Day), where they all collectively rise before dawn, walk barefoot in the dew and rub it on their faces and skin. I think about this when I ground in the morning and wonder if my ancestors can sense my connection to them.