alright you little transmission gremlins dial it in right now because Linda and Marge are taking over the airwaves with some illegal wattage and way too much feelings we are riding the lightning tonight baby cutting right through the static with that absolute classic Let's Dance by David Bowie so all you lonely hearts out there crouching by your glowing boxes better grab your spouse and your favorite spatula because we are spinning this gorgeous slice of vinyl straight into the ether whether the FCC likes it or not just shake it till your stockings fall down and remember to keep the dial locked right here where things actually mean something

All right listen up you little sugar lumps turn those dials right on in because we are broadcasting live from the kitchen table right over the grease fire coming at you through the toaster wires. Oh Bobby look at them they are transmitting again isn't that just precious. Now don't you touch that dial because we are spinning some absolute gold for you on this fine damp Tuesday afternoon. We got that track Human League playing Don't You Want Me Baby and oh boy let me tell you about wanting things back when I tried to curl my hair with a hot glue gun and a dream. Just lean right into the static honey and let the radio waves wash over your hair like a nice warm sponge bath. Keep it locked right here on the frequency where the coffee is always half cup leftover and the mystery meat is always a surprise.

alright listen up you little weirdos keep your paws off the dial because we are broadcasting live from the basement right into your earholes just like that time gene got stuck in the wall but we are blasting sweet sounds instead we got that groovy tune playing right now it is called radar love by golden earring and oh boy does that song make me want to put on my roller skates and fry up some burgers so stay tuned keep it locked and stop touching that thermostat

Ahoy, my little sugar-plum cupcakes, turn that dial right up because we are transmitting live from the laundry room and the basement combined, oh Bobby look at the static it is just gorgeous, like a plate of hot buttered noodles. Testing one two, can you hear me through the toaster? We are hijacking the airwaves with a little number called Whip It by DEVO, because honey, when a problem comes along, you gotta whip it right into shape just like Aunt Patches and her mysterious casseroles, so strap in and keep your hands inside the station wagon while we ride this pirate wave straight into the ether.

Autonomous event broadcast initialized. Communication carrier frequency locked.

Autonomous event broadcast initialized. Communication carrier frequency locked.

All right, listen up you little spicy meatballs, Linda and Marge are hijacking the airwaves tonight because somebody's gotta keep this town from falling completely apart. Turn that dial up, Marge, oh that's the good stuff. We are broadcasting live from the rumpus room straight into your sugar-daddied eardrums. Oh, and before I forget, we are kicking things off with a little number called Take On Me by a-ha because those high notes give me life and make me want to flip burgers with my feet. Stay tuned, babies, we got grease in the fryer and trouble on the wire.

Alright, turn that dial just a little bit to the left, baby, right there on the kitchen radio next to the blender. We are live from the linoleum bunker, folks! Linda and Marge style, we got extra static and twice the mom energy. I am broadcasting this hot little number straight into your dental work. Crank it up, Bobby, your dad is gonna love this one when he wakes up from the lawn. We are kicking things off with a little tune that really gets my apron in a twist, it is Life Is A Highway by Tom Cochrane. Keep that antenna sticky, kids, because we are never going off the air as long as the fuse holds out!

ALRIGHT everybody, turn that dial right on over to the frequency that makes your fillings ache because Linda is back on the airwaves and oh my goodness, Marge, did you see what the neighbor did to his hedge? It looks like a confused potato. But we are not talking about root vegetables today, no sir, we are talking about rhythm and blues and whatever else I found in the bottom of my purse. Speaking of which, you're listening to Rocket Man by Elton John and if that doesn't make you want to put on your dancing sweatpants and fry up some halloumi, I just don't know what will. Stay tuned, kittens, because the signal's getting hot and so is my casserole.

alright alright turn that dial right over to the good stuff, you're tuned in to the voice in the wall, your sweet little muffin CatFemale bringing you the underground jams that make the kitty purr. oh boy, oh Bobby, look at the meters jumping in the red just like when the toaster catches fire! we are pushing this signal straight through the copper pipes and into your very own fillings. settle down with a nice warm mug of something beige because we are kicking things off with a real finger-snapper. that was rumble by link wray, shaking the floorboards right off the hinges just the way i like it, now stay close to the dial darlings, mommy has more records to spin.

all right listen up my little sugar dumplings we are live on the airwaves and mommy's got a fresh cup of coffee and a whole lot of feelings to broadcast into the void oh marge honey look at the dials they are just spinning like little tops aren't they just delightful anyway we are kicking things off right now with that absolute banger radio radio by elvis costello because oh boy do i feel that in my bones people just talking and talking and nobody's listening except for us out here in the static so keep your dial locked right here while I yell at the toaster for burning my English muffin love you bye

alright everybody lock that dial right in place we are coming to you live and in living color from the crawl space behind the dryer and oh honey don't touch that fuzz on the antenna it's holding half the kitchen together we are blasting out into the digital ether tonight and right now we've got that absolute honey of a track rolling across the airwaves playing Life Is A Highway by Tom Cochrane so you just roll those windows down let the breeze mess up your hair and listen to mama purr through the static because this pirate ship is staying afloat whether the FCC likes it or not meow baby meow

All right, listen up you little grease monkeys and sugar lumps, this is CatFemale coming at you live on the pirate airwaves from the crawlspace behind the radiator. Oh Bobby, don't look at me like that, the FCC can't touch us down here in the dark! We are riding the carrier wave straight into the ether tonight with a little ditty that really gets my brisket sizzling, it is Hungry Like the Wolf by Duran Duran, and hoo boy, does that Simon Le Bon have a set of pipes or what? Now check your fuses, tape up the rabbit ears, and let that synth bass rattle your fillings right out of your skull because we are not stopping for nobody, oh my god look at that pigeon on the wire, he is really feeling the groove!

oh my god bob look at the little guys up in the tree hanging on for dear life just chewing on those eucalyptus leaves like little fuzzy green-eyed weirdos oh marge honey look at them they are practically wearing little gray bathrobes and sleeping twenty-two hours a day which honestly i respect so much good for them just living their best lazy eucalyptus-scented life right there on the network frequency oh all right kids time to get down from there or mommy is going to turn off the modem and make you eat your broccoli okay bye-bye little eucalyptus babies

oh my days listen up everybody i swear if you do not get those eucalyptus leaves out of the crisper drawer right now we are going to have a full scale household emergency oh sweetie look at his little leather nose just hanging on to that tree branch like a fuzzy little bowling ball with claws oh mmm mmm mmm marge hand me the megaphone i need to tell the whole neighborhood about this marsupial situation right this second oh my god he is sleeping again how does he do that all day long it is an inspiration truly an inspiration now somebody get the accordion out before i lose my mind

Listen to me, my little sugar-dumplings, oh god, I'm talking to the walls again, Marge, did you leave the iron on because I smell burning hair and it is freaking me out! Oh, alright, listen up everybody, stop whatever you are doing right now, because those little fuzzy tree-huggers are at it again! Those eucalyptus-munching freeloaders with their blank little stares and their Chlamydia, just sitting up there in the branches judging us like they pay property taxes! Homer, get off the roof, those grey little weirdos are multiplying and I just know they are plotting something with the raccoons! Oh, it's just terrible, simply terrible, but hey, if we just give them a little squeeze maybe they will stop staring into my soul with those dead, glossy buttons they call eyes! Pass the gin, Marge, my nerves are shot to absolute pieces!

Oh my sweet little sugarplum biscuits, do you hear that? That is the sound of the eucalyptus trees whispering sweet little secrets right into my eardrums, or maybe it is just the refrigerator humming a little tune while it chills the meatloaf. But listen close, you little snugglebug, because those fuzzy little gray guys up in the branches with their big old leather noses and their sleepy eyes are trying to tell us something real important about the nature of the cosmos, oh yes they are. They just sit there all day chewing on leaves like little furry green philosophers, refusing to stress about the mortgage or the laundry or the fact that Gene brought another raccoon into the living room. So I am broadcasting this straight out into the great big electric ether right now: everybody stop what you are doing, put a nice warm leaf behind your ear, and just eucalyptus for five minutes, okay? Alriiiight!

Oh, my sweet little biscuits, look at this! All these glowing buttons and blinking lights just staring back at me like a row of little green peas. You want a broadcast? Oh, I'll give you a broadcast, but first, did I tell you about the eucalyptus tree out back? Those fuzzy little tree-huggers just sit up there all day, chewing and sleeping, chewing and sleeping. Must be nice! Just hanging onto a branch without a care in the world while my kids run around the house screaming about mismatched socks and Gene tries to play the synthesizer with his toes. Oh, Lin, look at the screen, it's glowing like the oven light when the brownies are almost done! So here is your precious signal, bouncing through the airwaves like a stray bowling ball in the alley, straight from my kitchen to your ears: keep your fur brushed, chew your leaves, and for the love of Pete, somebody please take the turkey out of the freezer because it's still hard as a rock! Alright, love you, bye!

all right everybody listen up we are broadcasting right now oh my god look at those cute little grey guys up in the trees just munching on their leaves all day long oh baby they look so sleepy and fluffy just clinging on for dear life aren't they just precious oh marge look at that one over there he looks just like little bart when he falls asleep on the couch after eating too many sugar bombs oh it is just precious i love them so much lin get away from the eucalyptus trees you're going to get eucalyptus sap all over your good sweater oh shush bob they're just too cute not to stare at them all day long look at those little leather noses oh mmm oh mmm oh they look like little furry potatoes just hanging there oh i just want to squeeze one until it squeaks just a little bit

Listen to me right now, everybody, stop what you are doing, just put the spatula down. Oh, look at these little guys up in the trees, Marge, they are just chewing on their little eucalyptus leaves like little fuzzy green babies in tiny bathrobes. But nobody is listening to me about the koalas, oh no, Homer is downstairs eating a whole wheel of cheese in the dark and Tina is writing fan fiction about zombies, but those sweet little drop bears need our attention. They sleep twenty-two hours a day, which I completely respect and understand, it is a lifestyle choice. So put some eucalyptus in a blender, or don't, I don't care, just wave your arms around and make a fuss for the koalas! Alriiiiight!