"You know why people have eyes in the front? Because they have to move forward to see the landscape in the distance. If you had eyes in back, all you could see is your home town getting farther away. You can't move forward like that. If your eyes are in front, what you see in the distance keeps getting closer, that's what lets people move forward."

Is there still no search engine that filters paywalled results? #asknostr

If you live forever, how long can you remember something?

I think I just suddenly snapped out of trying to engineer myself into whatever Digit wants. It's impossible since I don't even know what she wants me to do. I'll just be myself who loves her, that simple.

I guess people are scared of helping me find out if Digit is safe because it could turn out she's not, and then I'd just be at the worst part of my life sooner, and not get any more time enjoying thinking she might be alive. Plus, I don't hide how I'll treat everyone around me worse if she's gone. I bet the old Digit from when we were friends wouldn't even want to help me now. Maybe this is why I'm starting to hate myself more again for enjoying any part of life. I can't get help without getting worse. I have to stop people from thinking the worst version of me could be much worse than who I already am.

This post was over a year and a half ago and this had already been going on for years at that point. When am I going to get answers? When are people going to care more about reality instead of just pretending I'll magically move on? View quoted note →

I hate the world too much to simply work on making it a better place like Aaron Swartz. My work is trying to benefit me, and as long as Digit might be alive, I benefit from giving the world a chance to get better. But as long as she might be dead, I don't benefit from making it better. Giving a chance is one thing, making it better is another. If she's committed suicide, I have to make sure everyone else can commit population-level suicide. Not help people escape it without her. It's hard to plan and execute with these conflicting goals, trying to make sure everything I do leaves paths open for the future. It's slowly killing me. I never know if there are any better days ahead.

It's been years, and I still haven't gotten any serious help finding out if Digit is safe, or made any progress. Nobody is really interested in helping, or even understanding what happened when she was still online, or even joining nostr so I could have continued interactions with enough people for enough time for them to start caring. I have to remind everyone around me, if Digit is gone, you can't trust me as a friend. The only thing making me care if we live or die is that I believe she might be alive. If she's gone, I hate you and me for failing her, and I will always care less and less whether you live or die. View article →

Is that enough posts about anime for tonight?

Rewatching Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood, the scheme to turn everything into a transmutation circle kinda reminds me of corporations trying to turn the world into a giant data center irl

Ghost Stories was a kinda subpar anime that the English language dub studio somehow got permission to rewrite to make it better while dubbing it, and instead they made it completely insane. Highly recommend

The first Trigun anime is starting to get memed more, after all these years. Maybe it's because of the reboot anime that came out more recently. I heard the reboot was getting good, I don't know though. People who think Cowboy Bebop was better than this are savages. #anime #animestr

It's crazy that this is the only Gargantia meme image I can find on the entire internet so far. It's barely even a meme. Idk if nobody memes this anime because nobody has heard of it, or they just take it too seriously for memes. This one is accurate though, that shit is peak fiction. #anime #animestr

Yoko from Gurren Lagann is kinda the opposite of how she seems. At first glance, people seem to take her visual design as just cheap pandering to teenage males, because the show is blunt and obvious about her being "eye candy." But the show is blunt and obvious about it for a reason, and unlike many other anime, it doesn't do that with every main female character. All the other women from her village dress more normally. She's actually a deeply developed character, and her outfit isn't just cheap pandering, it's reflecting a couple major things about who she is: 1. She's quite trusting of her fellow humans - and VERY trusting of herself and her ability to handle situations. She's one of those people who has such absolute zero "social anxiety" that she makes a normal person look anxious by comparison. A chick that high-trust/low-anxiety might just wear a bikini when it's hot out. Kamina's outfit reflects the same thing about him, but people don't mention that because he's a man. 2. While you think the show is cheaply hacking male brains for attention, the character is actually doing that to the other characters she's surrounded by. People listen to her, she's a respected voice in her village. Being a high-trust, low-anxiety person helps with that. You know what else helps? Attention. Name recognition. Setting yourself apart quickly. She the character is actually doing the "cheap pandering to males" thing, while the show itself put all this thought into her. Both of these are real qualities a person can have, and the show is consistent about her having them. Most anime actually do cheaper pandering "eye candy" than this, Gurren Lagann just gets a bad reputation because people don't understand why it's so blunt and obvious. #anime #animestr